My kids are being bullied - What can i do?

Taye

There are not really that many kids in my street the houses wern't designed for kids (1,2 bedroom) so it's mostly single people, old people or young couples without kids.

There are 4 family's with kids, my ex-sister in law has a daughter (16), there are two teenage boys a few doors down that are abit old for playing on the front, other than that there is one little girl up the road who my sons will sometimes play with, but if the bully is out she disappears. There are also a couple of girls who visit now and again but they arn't regular both are nice and both will happily play with my boys but they don't visit often. Then finally the bully and his little brother.

So either it's just the bully and my kids playing out, or sometimes the bully has friends he brings from the neighbouring streets (where my boys arn't allowed to play)

I know this is going to sound terrible, but most of the parents in the area don't give two hoots. So generally if there are "other" kids in the street they are the bully's friends from the neighbouring area and they just join in with the bullying. I have tried talking to the other parents (well the one or two i know the address for) but their parents are the sort that are usually too drunk or drugged to give two hoot's what there kids are upto and generally just give me a mouthful of abuse.

I just live in a horrid area, with no chance of moving the parents simple don't care.

Taye

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

You have to ignore the vocal abuse; it's not physically hurting anyone.

It might not physically hurt them but it emotionally hurts them and the tears still need to be delt with regardless.

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye wrote: »

I just live in a horrid area, with no chance of moving the parents simple don't care.

Why not? I know money is very tight for you Taye, but is it actually impossible for you to move (because you live in the cheapest smallest house in the country) or just incredibly difficult?

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye wrote: »

It might not physically hurt them but it emotionally hurts them and the tears still need to be delt with regardless.

I know and would never condone such behaviour, but I think it's the least of your worries.

Taye

Well i'm trying to live with 2 boys in a 1 bedroom house in the middle of an area where the police won't come without riot gear.. so i thing the chance of me selling this house is slim to none.

Even if i did manage to sell it, i couldn't get a morgage for a new house i wouldn't be able to make the deposit.

TBH i doubt on my wages i'd be offered a very big one anyway so the chances of me affording anything resembling an upgrade in size AND area are pretty none existant.

Basically my only hope would be to sell it and move to rented accomidation but i work for the bank so have a staff morgage meaning my current morgage is already pretty low much lower than renting anything reasonable would be (morgage is £210 a month).

We still only just survive financially rent would end up being more expensive so it would make us struggle even more (if it was physically possible) as we have debt left my the kids dad and he pays no maintence having pretty much disappeared of the planet.

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye wrote: »

Well i'm trying to live with 2 boys in a 1 bedroom house in the middle of an area where the police won't come without riot gear.. so i thing the chance of me selling this house is slim to none.

Even if i did manage to sell it, i couldn't get a morgage for a new house i wouldn't be able to make the deposit.

TBH i doubt on my wages i'd be offered a very big one anyway so the chances of me affording anything resembling an upgrade in size AND area are pretty none existant.

Basically my only hope would be to sell it and move to rented accomidation but i work for the bank so have a staff morgage meaning my current morgage is already pretty low much lower than renting anything reasonable would be (morgage is £210 a month).

We still only just survive financially rent would end up being more expensive so it would make us struggle even more (if it was physically possible) as we have debt left my the kids dad and he pays no maintence having pretty much disappeared of the planet.

I find posts like these heart breaking; it makes me wish I could send you the money to do it myself. Sadly I can't.

You can't afford an upgrade in size and area. It is an upgrade in area that would be my priority, because of the children. I would be scouting out a large one bedroom garden flat in a good area; it could completely change your life. Although admittedly one only really knows how good neighbours are in hindsight. Good neighbours are a Godsend. Many years ago we lived in a 1 bed flat. The bedroom was a large double with a huge built-in wardrobe that would probably fit clothes & toys for the 3 of you, plus enough room for 2 single beds and a couple of chests of drawers/desk. The lounge was large enough to have a screened/curtained off area for your mini bedroom. It is definitely something I would consider.

Houses always sell, albeit at the price dictated by the market (as opposed to vendor wishes) at the time of a sale. The sale price becomes more of an issue the more equity you have. If you have little equity you have the option of handing the keys to your bank and walking away.

I understand the implications of the mortgage benefits, although this increases your chances of a mortgage on a new property IMO.

Do you have any family that could help?

karmacookie

Hi Taye

You have my sympathy, not an easy situation. My son now 14 is on the Autistic Spectrum and has dyspraxia and we a have a few neighbour problems. He's never been great at playing outside and fitting in.

what has really helped boost his confidence is swimming. He's been a memeber of our local swimming club for about 5 years. They have always let him go at his own pace. I think it's great value for money, i pay £30 a year insurance then £11 every month. for this he swims with the club 4 times a week and can use the pool for free any other time.

When he was around your son's age he used to go to Cubs. It was only £1 a week at the time I think. i used to go and help out, i can't say I really enjoyed it but in hindsight it was time well spent.

if you really can't move, and even if you do, who's to say that your son will not encounter problems in a new neighbourhood? I would concentrate on activities to boost confidence that are structured and keeps him out of the way of the bully.

Perhaps try posting on the Aspergers ASD thread to see if you get any more ideas and perhaps some advice about claiming extra benefits on behalf of your son.

hope this helps a bit x

Lunar_Eclipse

How creative and understanding is your boss? If you have a good relationship with him/her and you believe they value your work, book a meeting with them to discuss your salary.

Explain that you are aware times are tough and pay rises are difficult, but you really need to increase your income. Tell him/her that this is not about you looking for alternative employment, but you would like to know if there any opportunities for additional responsibilities/training/projects on the horizon that you could take on to increase your income.

Just a thought.

suekjw

Have to say, my DS is in Beavers, and absolutely loves it. Maybe you could get your DS involved with that as suggested? They embrace being kind to others. As DS himself said 'I can't hit him back, I'm a Beaver, Beavers don't do that.'

Taye

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

How creative and understanding is your boss? If you have a good relationship with him/her and you believe they value your work, book a meeting with them to discuss your salary.

Explain that you are aware times are tough and pay rises are difficult, but you really need to increase your income. Tell him/her that this is not about you looking for alternative employment, but you would like to know if there any opportunities for additional responsibilities/training/projects on the horizon that you could take on to increase your income.

Just a thought.

i've already been told to expect a redundancy letter by september so right now im already job hunting (not having much luck) im unskilled and there are 10,000 others in my position looking for work who don't have kids, i know employer's are not supposed to discriminate but let's face it they do they would rather take on someone without kids, than a lone parent.

I could walk away from the house but i can't afford rented accomidation, you can't rent for £200 a month so it wouldn't get us anywhere, we have alittle equity in the house but not much it would possibly last 6 months in rented accomidation maybe abit longer, tbh if i don't find work before the redunancy letter arrives we are almost certainly going to loose the house anyways if that happens i'll almost certainly be declaring bankrupcy.