My kids are being bullied - What can i do?

Taye

karmacookie wrote: »

Hi Taye


what has really helped boost his confidence is swimming. He's been a memeber of our local swimming club for about 5 years. They have always let him go at his own pace. I think it's great value for money, i pay £30 a year insurance then £11 every month. for this he swims with the club 4 times a week and can use the pool for free any other time.

When he was around your son's age he used to go to Cubs. It was only £1 a week at the time I think. i used to go and help out, i can't say I really enjoyed it but in hindsight it was time well spent.

Unfortunatly my disposible income is only about £49 a month, with that i have to cover mine and the kids clothes, car insurance, school stuff, repairs to the car and house, activity's, birthdays, christmas etc etc.. it never go's far enough.

At christmas my kids have to miss out on a trip to visit santa with the school because i couldn't find the £2.50 the needed each to go. It sounds silly really but i really do penny watch every penny.

karmacookie

Hi again

I think you should seriously look into claiming DLA on behalf of your son. The extra income could make such a difference to his life.

The form is quite complicated but the focus is not on what the diagnosis is but how much extra help your son needs. CAB or your local Welfare Benefits Officer should be able to help!

Taye

karmacookie wrote: »

Hi again

I think you should seriously look into claiming DLA on behalf of your son. The extra income could make such a difference to his life.

The form is quite complicated but the focus is not on what the diagnosis is but how much extra help your son needs. CAB or your local Welfare Benefits Officer should be able to help!

I've already looked at that, he's not eligable the autism is currently undiagnosed though the school have promised to see if they can help me sort it out in september (it's to late in the year right now), the GP is totally unhelpful.

Unfortunatly Dyspraxia isn't deemed worthy of DLA unless it's very severe and not being good at sports isn't really a qualifying disorder as day to day my son is able to function quite normally, ok so he can't do a few things that would be normally expected of a child his age but he's not really "disabled" so there isn't really any extra help certainly nothing that would justify getting more money for him.

tbh the physcial symptoms are simply that he's VERY clumsy and rubbish at physical activity's they are enough to make him stand out as different to other children, but not bad enough that he needs any special treatment in other aspect's of his life.. just alittle extra understanding etc.

Minxy_Bella

Taye - I feel your pain, I really do.

If moving is out of the question, then I would just batten down the hatches and keep the kids out of the garden when the bully is around. Are there any parks nearby that you could take them to instead? A flat refusal to be in the same 'space' as the bully might work on him but it'll send the message to your kids that you will not allow this kid to dominate your own environment.

Re the dad - my ex pays no maintenance as he moved overseas and I'd have to go through that country's court system to force him to pay up. Is your kids' father still in the country? Can the CSA not help to track him down and get some money out of him? It's a disgrace that he's not helping you financially.

Taye

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

Taye - I feel your pain, I really do.

If moving is out of the question, then I would just batten down the hatches and keep the kids out of the garden when the bully is around. Are there any parks nearby that you could take them to instead? A flat refusal to be in the same 'space' as the bully might work on him but it'll send the message to your kids that you will not allow this kid to dominate your own environment.

Re the dad - my ex pays no maintenance as he moved overseas and I'd have to go through that country's court system to force him to pay up. Is your kids' father still in the country? Can the CSA not help to track him down and get some money out of him? It's a disgrace that he's not helping you financially.

He was abusive so i got rid of him when i was pregnant with my 2nd child, he saw the baby once refering to him as "it" that was the last time anyone saw or heard from him i have no idea which country he is in, i think his sister might know (sly little comments she makes occasionally make me suspect) but if she does she isn't talking.

All CSA say is that till he pop's up on a radar there is nothing they can do. As far as im aware he can't be working or be on any electoral role etc as no-one seems to be able to locate him in anyway, i even had to wait 5 years for the divorce because i couldn't find him to serve papers.

Penny-Pincher!!

Taye wrote: »

Yesterday i got so mad i stormed outside because there was 4 children the boy and his brother and some kids from the next street physically hitting my 7 year old, i called my son over but they physically held him and wouldn't let him go and when i demanded that they let him go the response i got was "make me" and "you can't touch us" at which point they started throwing stones at me !!!

Help this is getting out of control this boy from our street is the ring leader his parents have no control over him and nor do they care!! but f the parent;s don't care who else can i go too?? my kids are living like hermits and all i want for them is to play and have a normal childhood and not be a prisoner in thier own home.

Call the Police and Social Services! This is an assault towards both you and your son. Nobody should be treated like this.

What about confidence building classes? Self-defense classes?

Have you thought about moving?

PP
xx

anguk

I feel so sad reading your posts, nobody should have to live like that. I'm so sorry because I can't give any practical advice but personally if it was me I'd move. I know it's difficult for you and money is tight but peace of mind, especially for your kids is the most important. Everyone has the right to feel safe and shouldn't be prisoners in their own home.

I would put the house on the market and look for places to privately rent, I agree with the others who've said the area is more important than space. I know you have a low mortgage and rentals will be higher but if you only have a low income and a disposible income of only £49 a month you may be entitled to housing benefit/lha which will help out.

We moved 7 years ago because the area we lived in was going downhill, luckily we had no problems with my kids being bullied but it was turning into an area that I didn't want my kids to grow up in. Like you it was mostly a case of parents not giving a stuff what their kids were getting up to as long as they were out of the house and not under their feet. 7 years later I see those same kids now all in trouble with the police and I don't regret moving for one minute.

We were renting so it was easier for us as there was no mortgage or house to sell, infact I always think that's one advantage of renting, you're not tied anywhere and it's so much easier to move.

If it's almost certain that you're going to be made redundant then now may be a good time to make that move. If you are made redundant will it affect the lower mortgage you get through your work?

Sorry I can't be any help but I do hope you manage to sort things out.

Emzycal

I really feel for you.
When I was younger I was bullied,and it only stopped just before I left highschool at 16.
In the last year I didn't get bullied because I took up Aikido - it's a martial art but it is a defence martial art,which gave me confidence to know I could defend myself if I had to.

Obviously,if your son can't do this then is there anything else he can do to increase his confidence? Anything he enjoys that you feel he could excel at or be proud of himself for?

Also,are there any older family members (teenagers?),especially boys who could have a 'word' with them? When my cousins came around to mine one day they had a few words with some of the bullies,and without physically harming them,scared the life out of them - they never came near me again.

Your boys sound lovely,and it really is a travesty that sweet kids like this are victims to these horrible little thugs and that parents like you have to deal with these 'parents' (Frankly,people like that have no right to reproduce..)

Where in the UK are you? Depending on that I could give you some links and contact info for groups and clubs etc. that could help.
(And,if you're anywhere near me I'll come put the fear of God into those little wretches! Free of charge. :mad:)

Taye

anguk wrote: »

I feel so sad reading your posts, nobody should have to live like that. I'm so sorry because I can't give any practical advice but personally if it was me I'd move. I know it's difficult for you and money is tight but peace of mind, especially for your kids is the most important. Everyone has the right to feel safe and shouldn't be prisoners in their own home.

I would put the house on the market and look for places to privately rent, I agree with the others who've said the area is more important than space. I know you have a low mortgage and rentals will be higher but if you only have a low income and a disposible income of only £49 a month you may be entitled to housing benefit/lha which will help out.

We moved 7 years ago because the area we lived in was going downhill, luckily we had no problems with my kids being bullied but it was turning into an area that I didn't want my kids to grow up in. Like you it was mostly a case of parents not giving a stuff what their kids were getting up to as long as they were out of the house and not under their feet. 7 years later I see those same kids now all in trouble with the police and I don't regret moving for one minute.

We were renting so it was easier for us as there was no mortgage or house to sell, infact I always think that's one advantage of renting, you're not tied anywhere and it's so much easier to move.

If it's almost certain that you're going to be made redundant then now may be a good time to make that move. If you are made redundant will it affect the lower mortgage you get through your work?

Sorry I can't be any help but I do hope you manage to sort things out.

I earn too much to get housing benifit, if i was made redundant i belive i could get jsa help with paying the interest on the morgage but thats about it i think, but my staff rate is protected for the lifetime of the morgage so that luckily won't be affected if i end up redundant.

The reason money is so tight is because of debt's left my my ex if it wasn't for those i'd be alright, i've tried getting rid of them but unfortunatly they where loans taken out in our joint name (back in days where i didn't know better) granted 2 cards are mine and only mine.. i know it's not great but there have been times when it's been the only option but to use them.

I can't belive the only way of dealing with a bullying child is to move house?! or force my children into hiding??

Taye

Emzycal wrote: »

I really feel for you.
When I was younger I was bullied,and it only stopped just before I left highschool at 16.
In the last year I didn't get bullied because I took up Aikido - it's a martial art but it is a defence martial art,which gave me confidence to know I could defend myself if I had to.

Obviously,if your son can't do this then is there anything else he can do to increase his confidence? Anything he enjoys that you feel he could excel at or be proud of himself for?

Also,are there any older family members (teenagers?),especially boys who could have a 'word' with them? When my cousins came around to mine one day they had a few words with some of the bullies,and without physically harming them,scared the life out of them - they never came near me again.

Your boys sound lovely,and it really is a travesty that sweet kids like this are victims to these horrible little thugs and that parents like you have to deal with these 'parents' (Frankly,people like that have no right to reproduce..)

Where in the UK are you? Depending on that I could give you some links and contact info for groups and clubs etc. that could help.
(And,if you're anywhere near me I'll come put the fear of God into those little wretches! Free of charge. :mad:)

My eldest is really clever, makes me feel dumb as a post :rotfl:he's not very outgoing or social at all, he is on the school council which he enjoys, and he enjoy's swimming when i can afford to take him.

I've been trying to look for some "none" physical activity's for him but most clubs etc seem to revolve around sports or outdoor pursuits and if i sugest those things he's quite adament he won't try them.

Most of the day he sits inside and reads or steals my pc ... he is your typical geek really :rotfl:

No family for scarings sadly :mad: