Any 'wives' of cross dressers out there?

Debbie_A_3

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Depends, are we talking this
...or this?
http://www.ever-so-sexy.com/bridal-lingerie-sleepwear/diki-sylvie-chemise.html

Hang on, Lotus-eater. I thought this was a money-saving website! A hundred and how much?

Debbie

Foodhoarder

Hi Raksha
I have joined this thread quite late... I do apologise for that and hope that I can offer some advice and support for you whilst you understand more about his behaviour and learn to re-structure your understanding of your relationship and your function around his behaviour.

Couples therapy... Please seek out what we counselors call a 'KAP' (Kink Aware Practitioner). Kink relates to sexual activity which is outside the conventional understanding of sex. I have worked with couples who struggle with gender roles within the relationship, couples who have been into all kinds of behaviour- and I work on the NHS too... so I know there are services out there, but your ability to access this type of service might vary depending on where you live sadly.

I imagine that along with the shock of dealing with another side of his personality, there might be some kind of grief reaction at losing what once was between you... Then there are the secrets he is keeping around his behaviour, which you have said cause you distress.

I feel for you in your situation and hope that you can find a therapist who can help you with this issue. Perhaps look on the BACP website and 'find a therapist'

Kindest regards

Raksha

Hi Cupcake,

I hope some of the stuff here has been a help. My kids are now mid teens, so it can be difficult to get some 'us' time - they are unlikely to go out together, so for my OH to have some time to him/herself, I take the older one (whose just left school aged 16 and hoping to join the Army) out for the day. OH does what he has to do and we agree a time when he's to have the decks cleared.

OH has to be 'in the right mood' so this can be a bit hit and miss. It's a good thing that he's told you - there are plenty of chaps out there who don't tell their wives/OH at all, ever! Maybe it shows that he trusts you, but it's a huge responsibility - it becomes a secret you may not want to keep, but have to for your OH's sake.

The urge seems to come and go with my OH, but not all TV's are the same, some like to wear a token item of clothing with their male gear, some (like my OH) only like to go 'the whole hog' and nothing less than perfection will count.

The thing is, do you *want* to be able to share it with him? We enjoy mutual pamper session, I paint his toe nails <G> and we just chill. The secret is it must be pleasing for you. Maybe the 'baby steps' approach - so maybe you do his makeup for him, but just very subtle shades to start with, so you get used to the look. Maybe a male looking 'boyfriend' style night shirt? The important thing is never to go any further than you are comfortable.

Like you, I'm not comfortable around 'girly girls' - I live in jeans, polo shirts and jumpers or fleeces (in girly colours, but I do also wear shirts and jumpers designed for men - we're lucky, we can do that).

Because of my age (I'm in my early 50's) I am used to !!!!!! Emery and Stanley Baxter (?) and Les Dawson being men dressed as women and being figures of fun. As a child I was involved in Am Dram, and every year it was Pantomime time, so again, the Dame - a man dressed as a woman being a figure of fun.

Sorry, I've rambled - please fee free to inbox me if you want to chat more.

Lotus-eater

Debbie_A wrote: »

Hang on, Lotus-eater. I thought this was a money-saving website! A hundred and how much?

Debbie

I know, it is nice though isn't it?

Lotus-eater

Hi Raksha, good to see you back on your old thread, how's it all going for you now? It sounds OK.

Raksha

There are helplines available, such as the Women of the Beaumont Society. There are also support groups in many cities. The internet makes it very easy to find them these days. These self-help groups are free, but those offering help and advice may have baggage of their own so you need to be careful about what you hear.

WOBS may be of help, I am a member of http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/index.php which I found more helpful - the lady I spoke to from WOBS implied that the whole thing was a sexual fetish, and even if he didn't acknowledge it now, he would soon need to dress the majority of the time. This nearly destroyed our relationship.

Raksha

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Hi Raksha, good to see you back on your old thread, how's it all going for you now? It sounds OK.

Hi there. There have been some ups and downs, most of them not CD related, but we're still hanging in there

Raksha

Debbie_A wrote: »

Hang on, Lotus-eater. I thought this was a money-saving website! A hundred and how much?

Debbie

I was just about to say 'lovely, but they don't do it in my size!' - But they do!!!!! :j I wonder if I dare put it on my Christmas list (before he finds it and puts it on his........)

MessyMare

Bit of an odd idea perhaps, but I dated a cross dresser when I was younger and the biggest thing he wanted to do was dress me up, I suppose sort of like a girly night in. Perhaps if you were comfortable with that it might be something to suggest that you could do together? You're handling this beautifully

*ETA- sorry, didn't realise this came from 2009 at first!*