Any 'wives' of cross dressers out there?

cupcake287

half of the time things are great. The other half it just sucks, and i feel terrible for feeling that way. I don't want to make him feel any worse than he does, and I'm trying my hardest to deal with it. I feel that he can do what ever he wants when i'm not around, i just don't want to get involved with it at all. I've tried and it doesn't work.

I don't wanna lose the man i fell in love with.

Catapa

Mine wears a nightgown instead of pyjamas. Does that count as crossdressing?

jamespir

cupcake287 wrote: »

half of the time things are great. The other half it just sucks, and i feel terrible for feeling that way. I don't want to make him feel any worse than he does, and I'm trying my hardest to deal with it. I feel that he can do what ever he wants when i'm not around, i just don't want to get involved with it at all. I've tried and it doesn't work.

I don't wanna lose the man i fell in love with.

i

what do you see when he dressed do you see "another woman " or your Husband in a dress ?

because thats what makes the difference i think


if you force him to hide it because you dont want to see it you could lose him

jamespir

Catapa wrote: »

Mine wears a nightgown instead of pyjamas. Does that count as crossdressing?

a wee bit yes

cupcake287

jamespir wrote: »

i

what do you see when he dressed do you see "another woman " or your Husband in a dress ?

because thats what makes the difference i think


if you force him to hide it because you dont want to see it you could lose him

I see him in womans clothing. I don't want him to feel ashamed, and I want him to feel comfortable in himself. I'm just not adjusting to it how i think he hoped i would, i think he wants me to embrace it and see it as gaining another 'girlfriend' but i just can't. I want to spend time with him as a man, his work means i don't see him alot and when i do i want it to be him.

It probably doesn't help i don't have many friends that are girls as i generally don't trust woman, so don't feel comfortable hanging round with girls.

elvis86

cupcake287 wrote: »

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but i am struggling to cope.... my OH told me 3 years ago he was a cross dresser. I love him and have accepted it, but i do feel like i'm losing him to her. It's devastating me.

I don't find him attractive when he is dressed up, and i don't enjoy spending time with him when he is, I don't want him to stop because he won't at the end of the day.

I don't know what to do..

I'm sure it's something that takes perseverance for every woman who makes this discovery about her partner, but ultimately I imagine it's something that some people just won't be able to accept within a relationship (particularly if the OH feels the need to cross-dress regularly and for the woman to be involved and accepting).

It's sad, but it's part of who he is and it's unlikely to go away.

Lotus-eater

cupcake287 wrote: »

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but i am struggling to cope.... my OH told me 3 years ago he was a cross dresser. I love him and have accepted it, but i do feel like i'm losing him to her. It's devastating me.

I don't find him attractive when he is dressed up, and i don't enjoy spending time with him when he is, I don't want him to stop because he won't at the end of the day.

I don't know what to do..

My advice is to find out what his end goal is.

He may have in mind dressing as a full time woman, or he may have in mind just a bit of secret dressing when he goes to bed with you, or when he is alone.
Honestly the possibilities are endless and it all depends what he wants to get out of it.

Honesty is the best policy. Both with each other.

You are right, his need won't go away, it may change and fade or rise as time goes on. But something will still be there.

After he tells you what he needs, I would say that you need to have a good sit down and decide what you want.

It's not fair on either of you to continue if you are going to be miserable.

Lotus-eater

Catapa wrote: »

Mine wears a nightgown instead of pyjamas. Does that count as crossdressing?

Depends, are we talking this

http://www.marksandspencer.com/Pure-Cotton-Long-Sleeve-Nightshirt/dp/B003WMUFCG?extid=TP_2_FRO_T_MSF_

or this?

http://www.ever-so-sexy.com/bridal-lingerie-sleepwear/diki-sylvie-chemise.html

Little_Leita

I'm quite heavily into the gay scene here in Newcastle. There are STACKS of TV's/TS's out and about here - lots of them with their partners or other cross dressers. How about a weekend away every couple of months somewhere like Manchester or Newcastle where nobody knows either of you, but where your OH can indulge his hobby and you can spend quality time together. Seriously, nobody bats an eyelid and it's a cracking night out....it's so good that I never go to 'Straightsville' any more (though this is the reason I have been single like, forever!).

Debbie_A_3

cupcake287 wrote: »

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but i am struggling to cope.... my OH told me 3 years ago he was a cross dresser. I love him and have accepted it, but i do feel like i'm losing him to her. It's devastating me.

I don't find him attractive when he is dressed up, and i don't enjoy spending time with him when he is, I don't want him to stop because he won't at the end of the day.

I don't know what to do..

You don't need to apologise for re-opening an old thread. There is a lot of wisdom in it and it would be silly to have to re-write it.

I am so sorry for you that you are in this position. Cross-dressing is, in itself, a harmless activity but it challenges deep-seated assumptions about gender, and is (therefore?) often associated with guilt, shame, fear and embarrassment.

I agree with Lotus-eater about the need to talk. But this is very difficult, and it is much easier (in the short term) to get on with the day-to-day jobs and leave hard discussions for another day. Also, as Lotus-eater said, you both really need to get to identify the real issues involved. Cross-dressing is a symptom. The cause could be a need to express a feminine side, it could be a sexual fetish, or it could be Gender Identity Disorder. Or maybe a mixture. Or something else entirely. Your partner may not know themselves. If either of you suspects GID you really need to seek professional help via your GP.

What ever the underlying cause, couple counselling could be helpful if you are struggling to talk to each other, and putting it off. Cross-dressing is not uncommon and counsellors will come across it. Whilst a counsellor cannot come up with a magic solution, they should be able to provide an environment in which you can both express your needs, your desires and your wants, and help you come to a workable solution that accommodates you both. But counselling is not cheap!

There are helplines available, such as the Women of the Beaumont Society. There are also support groups in many cities. The internet makes it very easy to find them these days. These self-help groups are free, but those offering help and advice may have baggage of their own so you need to be careful about what you hear.

I do wish you all the best.
Debbie