MSE Parents Club Part 3

Savvy_Sue

Agutka wrote: »

Do I need to go on a course or something?

You might find a parenting course useful, your HV might know of some locally, but if you do, remember that NOTHING works for all children, so whatever they are recommending might not be effective for yours.

Anyway, I think you all know that my personal fave book is Toddler Taming by Christopher Green, get it from the library while you work out if it will help you. The author is a real human being with real human children.

Agutka wrote: »

Surely I'm setting our relationship in stone and every little thing I do wrong harms him as a person

Now stop that talk RIGHT NOW! (Well, hopefully you're in bed right now, which is where I should be too.)

Agutka wrote: »

I want to swap places with one of my friends - her boy runs towards her when chased , she doesn't understand it but is quite happy for him to do this indefinitely :T

So it's not what she's doing, it's just what her boy does, so you've nothing to reproach yourself for.

Plus, that boy won't do it indefinitely. Heck, DS3 was still giving me a kiss when he started secondary school (not in public mind! I'm not THAT wicked as a mother!) - now he just bats me away if I brush against his arm! :eek:

Agutka wrote: »

I just watch his antics with awe and wonder how toddlers survive as a race

And yet they do. Despite the fact that NONE of us is a perfect Mum (or Dad) - and do you know what? None of us NEEDS to be perfect. Because NONE of us have perfect children. OK, they're all quite cute when they're asleep, but they're HUMAN! And so are WE!

So, try Becles advice about a different voice. Try whispering. Try singing. Give each thing a fair trial, maybe it will need a combination.

BTW, I always wondered if I would like my toddlers better once I didn't have a baby to worry about as well. I didn't ...

weezl74

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

Why don't you set up a scottish picnic so we can be jealous too?

I'm gonna have a little welsh picnic! Well, I guess it'll just be me and I'll call it lunch!:D

Becles

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Turtle mats are fab! They really are washable and tumble dryable, they stop the muck just like that, they don't ride up at the corners, and they are cotton (can't be doing with 100% polypropolene!) You can get cheaper, and they might be fine, but I can vouch for Turtle mats doing what they say on the tin.

They look great - thanks for posting the link. I've got a long haired border collie with big fluffy feet and he brings in loads of mud in bad weather. They look to be just what I need!

Charlotte has no new spots and the ones she has have all crusted over. Think the "chicky pops" is over now.

weezl74

becles I'm very glad charlotte is over the worst of her chicky pox

weezl74

SeptemberBaby, fergus has added a few piccies as requested by you

elle_gee

weezl74 wrote: »

SeptemberBaby, fergus has added a few piccies as requested by you

Oh, he's just gorgeous! Who's so good at taking pics too?

I'm still battling with getting my pics of Rhys off my Mum's camera. She's "misplaced" the lead for it and the card is formatted for Kodak cameras only which neither me nor OH have.. Grrr, will get there in the end - I wanna show you all how cute he is!

At the min, he's zonked out on the sofa next to me. Should have had a bottle (oh I do like saying that!) at 9am but he took his time over the 6am one and then wailed for a while so he's probably sleeping off the grouchies.

Waiting for my FreeCycle people to collect their bits.. Sods law they'll arrive as soon as I get the bottle in Rhys' mouth :rolleyes:

Fritha_2

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

And I thought Fritha was a real name for AGES!!

Why don't you set up a scottish picnic so we can be jealous too?

It IS a real name, just not necessarily my real name! (Although I do an answer to it!)

Scottish picnic, taa daa! Obviously my boobies won't be there though....

elle_gee wrote: »

Did everyone change their bottles to BPA free ones when it was featured in the news a few months back?

I want small bottles to go with NUK standard teats but the ones I can find don't say if they're BPA free so I'm assuming not..

Are the mam ones ok? They're bpa free, or aren't they nuk? I don't actually know what nuk is tbh! I vaguely recall seeing mam and nuk on the same bottle but I may have imagined that!

angelfairy wrote: »

of course i want to see fritha's boobies :D

I'm going to have to set up a premium texting service at this rate!

emlou2009

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

I haven't got a clue what BPA is so I don't care


There is already too much to worry about in this baby-raising lark

hear hear!! i got the TT CTN ones before the whole BPA thing came out and i use a micro steriliser, but i'm afraid the bottles are just too expensive for me to want to run out and replace them

weezl74 wrote: »

SeptemberBaby, fergus has added a few piccies as requested by you

he is just yummy!!


i think sue couldnt sleep last night

emlou2009

i NEED one of these in my life :eek:

Savvy_Sue

Which is mostly for Agutka, atm, but really for all of you, at some point.

All the books, all the TV programmes, all the 'experts' say that you have to be consistent. You have to say no and mean it, you have to respond in the same firm way, you have to set the boundaries and stick to them.

Obviously this is a Good Thing.

However, you mustn't think that if you are NOT consistent 100% of the time, you have Failed. That's not being inconsistent, it's being human.

Now, since we're all parents to other humans, they can (honestly) handle the occasional inconsistency. I find with my lads, it helps to explain it, but then they have always been very rational.

So, you have decided to use Becles's Firm Voice. You have practised in front of the mirror (perhaps with the phrase "I am doing a Good Job"?) You have explained to Tiny Tearaway that you are going to stop shouting and use a Firm Voice instead, and when he hears your Firm Voice it's important, he must listen and do as you say.

And it starts well, if you're lucky you've been able to get a lie-in or a break to energise yourself, and off you go.

Then on Day Three, you haven't slept for two nights, you get an invasion of flying ants, Tiny Tearaway's Father won't be back until nearly midnight, you've had your Monster-in-Law on the phone telling you that SHE never needed to do X, Y or Z, and you crack, and you shout instead of using the Firm Voice.

Deep breath, fresh cup of tea (even if it's gone cold), batch of tissues for the tears, and a cuddle (if you're allowed - DS1 never liked them much!) Tell Tiny Tearaway that you are sorry you shouted, but you were very tired, you love him very much and you were worried that he was going to hurt himself / break something and you shouted (possibly because he didn't seem to be listening to your Firm Voice!) but you don't like having to shout so ... you're going to start again.

And that's what you do. Start again.

Now, I don't know if what I've described above is going to help any of you. All I can say is that I think it's possible to explain things - not necessarily reason with, but explain things - to young children.

You can do this with nice things too: "We don't usually buy anything for you on the way home from school / nursery / playgroup etc, but you've been so good at listening to my Firm Voice lately that we will call in at the Post Office today." Or they ask you for something you'd usually say "No" to, and you think "OK, we can do that today." But you make it clear that this isn't a permanent change to 'the rules', it's just something you can do today.

It's like the way some of you find a routine for young babies helps you and them, and others of you are more 'free spirit'. Some of you can manage 99% consistency, but even those of you with a routine find it sometimes goes out of the window, but it's not the end of the routine if that happens. Same with consistency.

Anyway, I need to go and get dressed before my friend arrives to pick me up. Hope this helps, and if it doesn't, feel free to ignore me. Remember, all of this will stand you in good stead when they're taller than you.