MSE Parents Club Part 3

Dormouse

BrunoM wrote: »

I have a question from my OH; she is breastfeeding and has been throughout, Elijah is 9.5 months now. She had 1 period at 7 months, and nothing since. In the last week she's been "feeling a bit funny/hormonal", to the extent where she took a pregnancy test, which came out negative.
Has anyone else experienced this with BF? We know it delays the return of periods, but once they've re-started, could they just turn off again for another 2+ months? She's planning to test again tomorrow morning...

Yes, it's pretty normal from what I've heard. After my DS1, my periods returned at 6 months and were regular, but after DS2 (I BFed both times) I had one at 5 months, then missed the next one, and then had another one at 7 months. I remember how worrying this was at the time as I hadn't expected it after the smooth sailing of post-DS1(cue lots of pg tests :eek::o).

Hormones are funny things, they like keeping us on our toes, don't they! :rolleyes:

Savvy_Sue

weezl74 wrote: »

Glad we didn't though, because I'm a bit scared of what baby whisperer calls 'accidental parenting' where some poor parent makes one duff decision in the middle of the night and it all goes pear shaped!

I have never read any baby whisperer books, and I've never heard of 'accidental parenting', but what I have heard of (and am a firm believer in!) is 'good enough parenting'.

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, some of us more than others. I honestly don't believe that ONE duff decision in the middle of the night means it ALL goes pear shaped! :rotfl:

While I'm on the subject, that also means that while consistency is a good thing, it's not the end of the world if you are occasionally inconsistent. People tend to be, and it's actually, IMO, helpful if children learn this sooner rather than later.

I think what I'm trying to say could be summed up in one word: Relax ...

Mind you, I wouldn't be letting anyone like that babysit for me again any time soon. But I did recognise that having a sitter in WOULD mean that things weren't necessarily done exactly as I wanted. It was only after we moved that I discovered that our previous 'regular' had been doing DS1's art homework for him! :rotfl:

Lu_T

Hurrah Feelie and Toby. You're doing an amazing job, well done you. Keep your chin up and don't get too down if things don't go vrey well, very quickly. As Krystal says, take it steady. You've already come so far...

Aw Mel. I hope it doesn't put you off going out again. All I can say, in addition to Sue's post, is that there is some small stuff that you learn not to sweat about. I know it's hard when things aren't done your way - especially as you didn't have enough time to spend with her at the start cos she was late. But how much real harm is done, in the grand scheme of things?
I can imagine the fright you got in the middle of the night and no one likes that, plus the lack of sleep must really take its toll.

Guess you need to be on the lookout for a 'new' babysitter?!

Had a lovely day, with a steady walk around the village and afternoon in the garden. My Dad made a flying visit last night so Imoge has enjoyed spending time with him. She's so funny. He was helping her do a new jigsaw and I asked her who was doing it with her. "Me and the old man are doing it," she said! He's only 58!!! And not even really grey!! Don't think he'll be getting over that too quickly!

nadnad

oh my thoughts are with little Rhys, keep us updated Sami.

well done feeli - i knew he'd get it!

we had a wonderful day yesterday for Oz's birthday - not a party but had various family here from 11am til 8.30pm, Oz had 2 naps in between and was in fantastic form all day - not a grumble out of him- i was so proud. He was in bed at 9.30pm which is the latest we've ever put him down, hopefully his routine will click into place again tonight.

He got lovely presents - lots of clothes and not too many toys which is great. I never realised how nostalgic and emotional I would be on his 1st birthday, I just can't get over that my baby is 1!!

Oh and i dont know when I'm starting the job exactly - gotta phone on tuesday to find out more - I pretty much get to pick the days I want to do, so have to work out childcare first.

Savvy_Sue

Lu_T wrote: »

especially as you didn't have enough time to spend with her at the start cos she was late.

Actually, that gives me another thought.

I am often unpunctual (see, I said I wasn't perfect!) However I am getting a bit better, by telling myself that we need to leave at 9 am I can be sure we'll be away by 10 am, or possibly even 9.30 am! So I say that we'll leave at 9 am, and although everyone KNOWS I don't mean it, they also know that's what I have to say to get all of them organised by 10 am. (And mine now need very little input from me, apart from "Get in that shower NOW or come out without a shower!")

So if you KNOW mil tends to be unpunctual, give her an earlier time.

BTW, we do this with my parents, we know it will take them half an hour just to get out through the door, so we tell them we'll be picking them up much earlier than we actually need to leave!

chocaholic110

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I have never read any baby whisperer books, and I've never heard of 'accidental parenting', but what I have heard of (and am a firm believer in!) is 'good enough parenting'.

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, some of us more than others. I honestly don't believe that ONE duff decision in the middle of the night means it ALL goes pear shaped! :rotfl:

While I'm on the subject, that also means that while consistency is a good thing, it's not the end of the world if you are occasionally inconsistent. People tend to be, and it's actually, IMO, helpful if children learn this sooner rather than later.

I think what I'm trying to say could be summed up in one word: Relax ...

:T:T:T Wholeheartedly agree.

*sigh* Any babysitter would come in handy for OH and I at the moment. We're hardly over-run with grandparents offering to babysit, although one of my best friends gets annoyed over her parents and her in-laws competing over who can babysit the most / buy the most, so I suppose we're never happy with the situation we have.

Lu_T wrote: »

She's so funny. He was helping her do a new jigsaw and I asked her who was doing it with her. "Me and the old man are doing it," she said! He's only 58!!! And not even really grey!! Don't think he'll be getting over that too quickly!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

weezl74

Hi,

Mel, I'm sorry if I made it sound like my thoughts about my own fears of doing accidental parenting were linked to what happened with you and MIL. The only link in my head was that we'd both not slept well! But from other posts afterwards, I wondered if I'd sounded like I was talking to you there. Sorry .

Savvysue, I agree with your philosophy, but the books do say some quite frightening things to us new first time parents. Gina Ford, Tracey Hogg etc are experienced people who say you need to do things a certain way or else these bad things happen. It's all quite tricky to fend off. Still, I hope that on here in the parents club we can reassure each other.

Weezl xxx

Krystaltips

Yes but weezl, Tracy Hogg and Gina Ford have never had their own children. I don't think you can recommend a way of parenting if you've never been emotionally invested in it... I personally have never read a book on parenting... I don't think I did too bad a job on Aimee...

chocaholic110

weezl74 wrote: »

Savvysue, I agree with your philosophy, but the books do say some quite frightening things to us new first time parents. Gina Ford, Tracey Hogg etc are experienced people who say you need to do things a certain way or else these bad things happen. It's all quite tricky to fend off. Still, I hope that on here in the parents club we can reassure each other.

My own take on these sorts of books is read them and use any advice that is helpful to you but don't get hung up on trying to follow the advice to the letter if it doesn't fit your family.

I read these books too and though I can't remember which is which one in particular had a ridiculous regime to follow that I was exhausted just reading about. The baby whisperer one was a bit more sensible but was just really common sense when all came to all. I think you know YOUR baby better then anyone and I just pretty much trust my instincts. I don't do everything perfectly - far from it - and many people probably wouldn't agree with the way I do things (ie today Tom has spent much of the day in the garden with OH, digging and poking around and getting generally filthy and I have quite a lot of friends that just wouldn't allow this as their children are always clean and tidy and only play in hygenic places) but it would be a very boring world if everyone had the same thoughts and ideas. Oh, and Tom has had a whale of a time, is now clean and bathed and crashed out in bed at half six, instead of seven

Savvy_Sue

weezl74 wrote: »

Savvysue, I agree with your philosophy, but the books do say some quite frightening things to us new first time parents. Gina Ford, Tracey Hogg etc are experienced people who say you need to do things a certain way or else these bad things happen. It's all quite tricky to fend off. Still, I hope that on here in the parents club we can reassure each other.

:rotfl: Throw the scary books away ... parenthood is QUITE scary enough without letting other people scare you! :rotfl: (No disrespect to people who use these books and find it 'works for them'.)

They may be very experienced, but a) they're not you and b) they haven't had your child. We are all different, and even if these bad things happen, the situation is rarely - EXTREMELY rarely - beyond saving.

I had two books I wouldn't have wanted to be without. One was the "baby and child medical handbook" or something like that, which let you look up illnesses and conditions and told you whether to rush off to A&E or not worry or something in between. You could also look at some introductory pictures and work out what it might be if you didn't know. However DH didn't like that book after he found the "Pen1s caught in zip" page, not that we ever had that problem, he just went white thinking about it. :rotfl:

The other book was Toddler Taming by Christopher Green, who despite being a man and a doctor wrote uncommon good sense with a clear awareness of how impossible it is to be the perfect parent. I see there's a new edition, so I do hope it's as good. And that he hasn't taken out the story of what happened when he tied his children's bedroom door shut to stop them coming downstairs when they were supposed to be going to sleep. :rotfl:

I also read all the Bounty books and freebies from the HV to get an idea of where the boundaries of 'normal' development might be.

And then I just got on with it. Oh, I did read my Mum's Mrs Beeton, who had a section on babies and childcare, but that just made me laugh.