What type of woman?

Zara33

DUTR wrote: »

This one I think should be fully answered off forum.
Indeed the child did nothing to deserve the situation they are in, after all we cannot choose our parents or siblings only our friends and partners (to a point).
The law states or society dictates that the PWC gets the control (which is usually the female) .
I suppose the father has to prove he is 'cool' to the mum before he is then allowed fair access???
If the NRP has met somebody else who accepts him as he is as opposed to having to live up to text book ideals, then naturally that is where one will want to donate their time to where they are intrinsically appreciated. It's just a thought.

I have to go out in 15 mins stuff to do :rolleyes: however i'm happy to discuss this further via pm if you so wish.

I don't want a "cool" father, i want my son to be able to pick up the phone and chat with his dad whenever he needs to.
I want my son to have regular contact with his father and the rest of his biological family. I know that sounds like a lot of "I want's" but that is my interpretation of a father not whether the father is "cool" or is a "geek"

:rotfl:without a doubt my son fit's nicely into the "geek" section so i don't see why something like this should be held against anyone.

ETA: Also i may want all these things but if a NRP is hell bent on having no contact with the child then there really is nothing a pwc can do.

Loopy_Girl

overthehills wrote: »

When I mentioned OH's daughter turned on me, it was a series of events which went from a fabulous relationship dancing around the lounge singing "Hey baby" (DJ Otzi) to nothing in the ) she was not to talk to me, afterall "You are nothing to do with my daughter, never have been and never will."

But that was my point - SHE didn't turn on you (as in the little girl), it was her mother filling her head and as she is stuck in the middle she was probably trying to please her Mum.

Don't blame the little girl and think 'she turned on me'. She didn't. She doesn't deserve and adult thinking that about her - don't you think she's having enough upheaval as it is?

DUTR

Zara33 wrote: »

seems i got carried away in the heat of the moment! DUTR it really isn't anything personal, i really am intrigued how you tick maybe it will help me understand what makes my NRP act the way he does as you both seem to have similiar traits.

I'm not taking it personal, I'm glad to offer another viewpoint, perhaps some of what I type may make sense to assist your own personal circumstance.

Zara33

DUTR wrote: »

I find it easier not to have unnecessary stress, there is no garuantee that the fight will be worth it, at the end of the day, when does the battles stop? We have to fight for enough in life.

Then I would have to put myself in the PWC's shoes and ask myself , what would I do ?
Weekly contact from the child to the absent parent would be mandotary, financial support would not even be thought of, and if the nrp wants to see/spend time with the child, that would be at their cost. Xmas and birthdays nrp gets priority, all these to me reduce the battle and control aspect

Again a fight for your child is worth it imho, i would walk over burning coal for my child...maybe some men are wired differently :rotfl:

Is it so hard to actually put yourself in the pwc's shoes just for a while and see what life is like for them.

Zara33

DUTR wrote: »

I'm not taking it personal, I'm glad to offer another viewpoint, perhaps some of what I type may make sense to assist your own personal circumstance.

maybe...one day

AnxiousMum

plimsoll wrote: »

then again does no evidence mean there is no abuse? I'm curious as to what would happen if there WAS police involvement and allegations of abuse (either specifically towards the child or relating to domestic abuse) but no formal charges - would supervised contact be put in place or would the parent with residence be forced to hand child(ren) over for unsupervised contact?

If there were no formal charges made, (and there are reasons why despite there being evidence, that no charges might be pressed - ie, police screw ups etc.) then there would always be the supervised access. Where it is domestic abuse towards a spouse - the court would order a handover with an uninvolved party - ie, the victim of the spousal abuse would not have to be in the presence of the accused.
It's not a perfect system - as anybody can be a 'good law abiding citizen' until the day they are caught and face prosecution (well, in the eyes of the law anyway)......but it does put a stop to endless false allegations made out of pure spite - and you do have to admit, that is used alot just to stop a parent from having a relationship with their child.
I despise my ex for some of the things that have gone on in the past - however, he loves his kids, the kids love him and they all deserve to have a good and healthy relationship. If I wanted to put a stop to access from here in the UK, it would be rather simple for me to do (or, simpler when they were younger) if I had wanted to go that way.
Canadian law dictates that once a complaint of abuse is placed - it cannot be withdrawn - as the police take over as the 'reportee'. So, you don't get a case of a woman being intimidated by the suspect into withdrawing charges - as the police take over with what evidence they have, including statements made etc. Of course, if there was nothing to back it up - I'm sure it wouldn't go anywhere. All around though - it just seems to be such a fairer system for all parties involved, but mostly the kids.

Loopy_Girl

DUTR wrote: »

I find it easier not to have unnecessary stress, there is no garuantee that the fight will be worth it, at the end of the day, when does the battles stop? We have to fight for enough in life.

So how are you going to answer her if, when she is an adult, turns round and asks why you didn't go through 'unecessary stress' and 'the fight' to see her?

Do you not think your obvious lack of rejection (financial nonwithstanding) is going to damage her for the rest of her life and maybe in years to come you are going to regret it?

AnxiousMum

DUTR wrote: »

I find it easier not to have unnecessary stress, there is no garuantee that the fight will be worth it, at the end of the day, when does the battles stop? We have to fight for enough in life.

Then I would have to put myself in the PWC's shoes and ask myself , what would I do ?
Weekly contact from the child to the absent parent would be mandotary, financial support would not even be thought of, and if the nrp wants to see/spend time with the child, that would be at their cost. Xmas and birthdays nrp gets priority, all these to me reduce the battle and control aspect

Fighting for your child is NOT an unnecessary stress - I hope you don't have any more children in the future unless your attitude towards the commitment to a child changes.
You would obliterate any financial obligation to the child that you brought into the world? Who would foot the bill for that? Every other taxpayer in the country that has their own family to provide for? Sorry - it's hard enough raising and providing for my own children each month without having to provide for yours too through the taxes - BOTH parents are financially obligated to their children - the system is there to help them during tough times when that extra help is needed - not to let you get out of a commitment you took on the night you forgot to practice safe sex.

overthehills

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

But that was my point - SHE didn't turn on you (as in the little girl), it was her mother filling her head and as she is stuck in the middle she was probably trying to please her Mum.

Don't blame the little girl and think 'she turned on me'. She didn't. She doesn't deserve and adult thinking that about her - don't you think she's having enough upheaval as it is?

I'm not getting into a debate with you, and no where have I said I turned on her. Quite the contrary. I find the whole situation sad and she will no doubt want to seek out her dad for answers. When he gives them to her, she will have another battle on her hands. That of wanting answers from her mother! Where will it end. Some of these PWC don't have a clue. And sometimes, it's not just the children who are affected by all of this.
Incidently, she is a very mature little girl who at 9 stood infront of her father and said I don't want you as my dad. Do you think this was her mothers influence? To a degree maybe, but the head teacher has told us she knows how to achieve an effect. Even at a young age, children are taught about right and wrong. She would know if she told one of her friends she didn't like her anymore, then this would cause hurt. Wonder what was going through her mind when she said this to her own dad? She knew it would hurt, and to then write a letter?
However, I'm not going to argue my case with you Loopy.

DUTR

plimsoll wrote: »

then again does no evidence mean there is no abuse? I'm curious as to what would happen if there WAS police involvement and allegations of abuse (either specifically towards the child or relating to domestic abuse) but no formal charges - would supervised contact be put in place or would the parent with residence be forced to hand child(ren) over for unsupervised contact?

It almost sounds like you are supporting slanderous accusations, I have no doubt abuse happens, it's almost as if you are saying all blokes are abusive drug fuelled alcholics ????