What type of woman?

Zara33

overthehills wrote: »

OH did write the first time, regularly and by all accounts his daughter had a special box which mum bought for her. Now, we have no address so OH is unable to send letters.
Zara, yes there are 2 sides and we have done everything to be accomodating. Bintys statement to OH was and I quote. "I want you out of my life and out of my childs life for good" even to the extent his childs name has been changed to that of Bintys new husband. OH did question this with his child to be told (take into account she was 8 when she said this) I just don't want your name anymore daddy.
It really (it seems) a simple case of, she had an affair and expected OH to be there when she got it out of her system. When he moved on and that option was taken away, what is it they say? Hell hath no fury??

You know, we baked together, went to the cafe for chips together, danced together, I made her special birthday cakes like I did my own daughter, she was part of the family and I treated her the same. She turned on me.

I am not having a pop honestly...could you and your OH do the letter thing and save them at your house. I have sympathy for a NRP who wants to be apart of their child's life.

Loopy_Girl

overthehills wrote: »

You know, we baked together, went to the cafe for chips together, danced together, I made her special birthday cakes like I did my own daughter, she was part of the family and I treated her the same. She turned on me.

Please tell me that you are not referring to this poor little girl when you are saying 'she turned on me'.?

You know you have posted on here before passing comment on how NRP's and PWC should live and in particular share financial responsibility for a child even if there is a merge of families.

You seem to have an idealistic view of how families should live if there is a seperation and then merge with another partner and children are included and if they don't fit into your neat little box then there seems to be a whole heap of venom gets heaped on PWC's.

Just an observation.

Loopy_Girl

DUTR wrote: »

the child will make moves when they are good and ready

Or hopefully not for their sake. Nice to see you will be playing a Daddy figure to your latest flame offspring but can't be @rsed with your own.

Classy

Mind you, it's a bloody miracle you told her about your daughter since she factors so little in your life

AnxiousMum

I really don't understand a parent who no longer wishes contact with their children after a divorce or separation. What I understand even less, is the way that, in the UK, it is so easy to cut a parent out of a child's life! When I separated from my ex (in Canada) - it's automatically 'joint custody' with residence to be mediated. In order to be able to stop a parent from seeing a child, there HAS to be some evidence of physical, emotional or sexual abuse - or the non custodial parent has to be somehow incapable of spending time with the kids through drug, alcohol problems - they have to be a safety risk to the child in order to lose access. God forbid a custodial parent disallowing a child to see the other parent when the other parent has court ordered/agreed access - it becomes kidnapping - and the police do attend to keep the peace while the appropriate parent picks up the child if it ever gets to that. If there is a problem with granting access, the parent refusing the access (according to a court order or agreement) can and will be arrested by the police.
The whole process there is to keep the child as a part of his/her own family - to give the child both parents that he/she was born with - and as time goes on, they may well get an extended family but that does NOT preclude either birth parent from their lives.
However, they are also quite tight on the child support - and you don't dare go quitting your job to try and get out of it.....it doesn't work that way
I hear of so many parents here in the UK, particularly dads, who at the whim of their ex - are robbed of being a parent to the children they bore - very very sad.

LizzieS_2

The courts nearly always rule for contact, exceptions being investigated abuse etc. The problem is the cost of maintaining that contact when you have to keep paying for court applications.

DUTR

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Or hopefully not for their sake. Nice to see you will be playing a Daddy figure to your latest flame offspring but can't be @rsed with your own.

Classy

Mind you, it's a bloody miracle you told her about your daughter since she factors so little in your life

Heh heh , I love the way some the replies contradict themself, you say "Or hopefully not for their sake." and then go onto say "but can't be @rsed with your own."
It does seem to annoy some of you (and I don't know why) that it really does not bother me whether the child contacts or not, if the child does so it be , if they do not so it be, it leaves something for the child to consider when they come to have their own family if things do not work out with them as parents .

AnxiousMum

Thanks Lizzie - the court at home that deals with custody and child support is actually free - but they don't take too kindly to one of the parents going in there all the time to get variations, or make slanderous accusations against the other parent. In order for any allegations to be taken seriously, there has to be police involvement - and if it doesn't result in any charges, then that's because there's no evidence of any abuse.

DUTR

AnxiousMum wrote: »

I really don't understand a parent who no longer wishes contact with their children after a divorce or separation.
snip
I hear of so many parents here in the UK, particularly dads, who at the whim of their ex - are robbed of being a parent to the children they bore - very very sad.

Indeed it is, and your final lines summarise why some just 'give in' or 'don't bother' some people don't like fighting or arguing, especially when it is a fight or argument that should not exist in the 1st place, one party gets too much control and power and here in the UK it can and does often get abused

DUTR

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Mind you, it's a bloody miracle you told her about your daughter since she factors so little in your life

And that concerns you because?.... :rolleyes:

LizzieS_2

Apart from proven cases where refusal is necessary, I do think the UK court system should be free for contact cases.