Advice on how to live happily ever after!

Glamazon

OH and I not married, been together 9 years, bought first house a year ago :rolleyes:

ATM we both earn a very similar amount, all bills go from my account but we do split mortgage, bills and food 50/50 or buy things out of our own money (e.g. I buy my make up, smellies etc. he buys his own computer games). We each buy our own fuel as I drive more than him for work.

However, since we moved in together 7 years ago I have done the majority of the housework. Neither of us are neat freaks and quite happily leave washing up for a day. Even though we both work full-time office based jobs, darling OH thinks it's my job to cook and clean. Since I'm not fussed if house is tidy I do it at my own pace. If he moans he gets, 'You know what to do - do it yourself' :cool:

My jobs - cooking, cleaning kitchen and bathroom, polishing, sweeping floors, loading dishwasher, washing clothes, bedsheets and towels.

OH jobs - supposed to unload dishwasher but rarely remembers! Does do washing if I ask him to but wouldn't dream of doing towels etc off his own back. Hoovering - now I'm pregnant it's only upstairs and I don't like carrying hoover . Mowing the lawn.

What I tend to do is keep on top of it but when we have guests coming we both muck in to get it done.

When baby comes along and I am on Mat Leave, I wouldn't expect OH to do any of the housework whilst I'm home. (unless I have devil child that takes after him and only sleeps for 2 hours at a time).

Glamazon

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'd stop using the word "help". It implies that it's your work and that he's doing you a favour!

Def agree with this - as I point out he's not helping me because it's not my job to do it.

After writing that, OH just rang and said he would cook - must be first time this year!!

amalis

Oh, i am not alone.
Glamazon, so how do you manage all this? Are you not getting tired in the evening?

amalis

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'd stop using the word "help". It implies that it's your work and that he's doing you a favour!

and which word to use instead?

the problem is that for him there are "woman" and "men " jobs. And I cant convince hm that there is nothing liek this. This goes from his family, deeply enrooted in his mind

Pee

With my parents, my mum didn't really work before I was born and she then had two children at home. She did help out a bit with the farm, but was mostly busy with cooking for anyone working on the farm and looking after the children. She also did the garden, any decorating, put the rubbish out, chopped logs... If she went shopping for the day, and this probably meant taking us to the dentist getting new school uniform etc then she would have to leave tea in a flask and sandwiches, always have to be back in time for tea, if Dad wanted a drink later on at night, she would get up and get it for him. He worked very hard, sometimes he would be out of the house not counting meal breaks for 18 hours and sometimes, not very often, he would be in the house rained off but whichever way around it was, nothing to "help". He earned a good living. They were perfectly happy like this, apart from some niggling about getting floors dirty, and my mum thinks anyone I go out with who works less hours than this and has time to wash up is a lay about!!

Pee

I think men and women jobs can maybe work fine when the woman is doing just women jobs i.e. not going out to work.

Glamazon

amalis wrote: »

Oh, i am not alone.
Glamazon, so how do you manage all this? Are you not getting tired in the evening?

Work either 8-4 or 9-5. Get home, cook tea, load dishwasher, wipe tops down.

Tend to do the rest on a weekend especially if OH is working a Saturday.
He tends to have a day off in the week but won't do housework because I get 2 days off on the weekend to do it. Apparently having Saturday and Sunday off means I have more time than him who has Wednesday and Sunday off
We both work hard but I think that he sees his job as being harder than mine - even though I am a Manager, he works with a lot of professionals so is maybe under abit more pressure.

Now that I'm pregnant I do get tired more easily so he is helping a bit more. I don't mind really, he was even worse when we got together because his darn mother had done EVERYTHING for him. I soon saw to that

amalis

Pee, I agree, the way you imagine your family life, depends so much on your parents family experience.
My mother never cooked. My father was a chef Cleaning, as much as I remeber, they did separately.
I imagined my family liek this as wll

amalis

Glamazon, and for us the dinner is the main meal of the day. I would not complain if after work I would have to make just sandwiches or salad, but no.. he wants in the evening meat, some garnish, salad..all should be fresh and healthy. Then I was plates while he is resting in from of TV. we have no dish washer

Glamazon

amalis wrote: »

and which word to use instead?

the problem is that for him there are "woman" and "men " jobs. And I cant convince hm that there is nothing liek this. This goes from his family, deeply enrooted in his mind

MIL - didn't work for 27 years so did everything while FIL out at work
OH's grandparents the same.

My parents split up when I was 5 so were either on their own or when remarried both parents worked. We all had to muck in. I would get 20p for loading/unloading dishwasher etc and at the end of the week had earnt my pocket money.
OH had never even switched a washing machine on before he met me! His mother wouldn't let him lift a finger.
Strangely his dad and his grandad still insist it is a woman's job to do housework even thou I work F/T - his dad is coming round now that MIL has a job but I think alot of it is old school ways. :rolleyes: