Parents organising students lives

noelphobic

patchwork_cat wrote: »

As I have said I do not profess to have perfect spelling - infact quite the opposite, origins of grammar and spelling are not the same bomb. I would have thought that a pedant would have quoted the phrase correctly,

Hoist with his own petar - not by or petard! not much use as a put down if misquoted is it!

BACK ON TOPIC Would wonder how your son and nephew's friend managed to get EMA whilst still at school as it is for the further education, not secondary.

When I talked about 'origins of grammar' I was actually quoting you. I don't think you mentioned origins of spelling earlier, but feel free to correct me if I am wrong - I promise not to take it personally!

It does seem that both 'petard' and 'petar' are used, which I didn't know so I have learnt something, for which I thank you. As I said, I would normally consider 'deductible' rather than 'deductable' to be the correct spelling, even though deductable makes more sense ie able to be deducted.

Many students do get EMA while still at school as it is payable in sixth form which is where my nephew and his friend were at the time. My son got EMA for 2 years when he was still at school.

noelphobic

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You're right, I come from Surrey and we know NOWT about these northern expressions!:D

You're excused in that case! :rotfl:

noelphobic

poet123 wrote: »

The reality is often that yes,they do turn up,.......BUT, late, whinge and moan, rarely do any work, are disruptive, and still get EMA, or ALG, or an E to E allowance(the worst offenders ime).

They will tell you baldly that they are there simply to get EMA, and have no interest in the subject.

Whilst I am sure that is true of some students, I hope you are not implying that is the case for all of them. My son stayed on at school and did extremely well in his exams, despite being diagosed with a chronic medical condtion while he was sitting his GCSEs. He is now at a very well regarded university and will be graduating this year.

If EMA had not been available he would probably still have stayed on at school, but that money did make life a little easier for both of us. I have been paying tax for a long time so don't really see it as getting something for nothing - although I do realise that lots of people pay taxes even though their children don't qualify for EMA, before someone points that out!

His school were extremely strict in their interpretation of the EMA rules and he did have his allowance 'docked' on one or two occasions for fairly petty reasons. When I queried this it was made obvious to me that some of the teachers were not in favour of EMA, as they talked about the children who didn't get EMA but still turned up to lessons and worked hard. I think it was wrong of them to allow their personal prejudices to influence whether or not EMA was paid out.

Oldernotwiser

noelphobic wrote: »

His school were extremely strict in their interpretation of the EMA rules and he did have his allowance 'docked' on one or two occasions for fairly petty reasons.

That's how it's supposed to work (although not for petty or personal reasons, of course). Unfortunately, some schools and colleges can't be bothered to use the "stick" aspect of EMA and you get the kids who're just there for the "carrot" who spoil it for others.

noelphobic

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

That's how it's supposed to work (although not for petty or personal reasons, of course). Unfortunately, some schools and colleges can't be bothered to use the "stick" aspect of EMA and you get the kids who're just there for the "carrot" who spoil it for others.

It was fairly petty in my son't case, although I don't remember the exact details now. I certainly would not have phoned them to discuss it if he had been blatantly not sticking to the rules eg if he had not been turning up or not submitting his work when required to do so.

lotties_mum

My dd attends a school where unfortunately ema is handed out whether they turn up or not to keep the 6th form numbers up even though a lot (not all) don't hand work in on time or even turn up, which means the teachers go over the lessons again and again extend deadlines for coursework which she finds really annoying . She appreciates the fact that grades do reflect on the teachers so they don't really have much choice but not is it annoying for the ones that work hard and can't claim ema it also stigmatises the genuine kids that do deserve the extra financial support. She will be able to claim it for 8 weeks when dh gets made redundant but has decided not to. No I won't be giving her the extra money to make up for it.

Oldernotwiser

lotties_mum wrote: »

My dd attends a school where unfortunately ema is handed out whether they turn up or not to keep the 6th form numbers up even though a lot (not all) don't hand work in on time or even turn up,

That's exactly what I meant about EMA being misused - most of that's down to the schools/colleges worrying more about their finances than the students who want to be there to work.

b00kworm

seems to have wondered a little off topic to me....

As a student going into my second year at uni, I would be horrified if my parents tried to take over, particularly as neither of them went to university.
Although I am glad they are involved. When I went to open days I wouldn't have dreamed of going on my own. It meant I could discuss the various uni choices with someone who had seen them and having a informed discussion allowed me to solidify my argument and be more certain about my decision.

I don't think I'm particularly sheltered but I wouldn't have been able to make a decision on which Student Account to get without sitting down and talking through some different accounts... though that might have something to do with my indecisive nature ...:rolleyes:

Having made a decision I find it very helpful to run it by my parents first, just to check I haven't overlooked something obvious....:o

TDQO

I agree with Bookworm, I'm going to drag this back on topic as much as I can:

I believe that parents should be supportive of their children going to uni but they shouldn't be doing everything for them. For example, if your child comes to you and says they don't have a clue about budgeting do you:

A) do all of their budgeting for them and take complete control of their finances
sit down with them and go through their potential in/outgoings and show them how to allocate a certain amount for rent, food etc
C) tell them to go to the library or search the net for info, only help them once they've done the legwork themselves.
D) tell them to get stuffed.

Now the original point of this thread was that it seems like far too many parents are choosing option A) and as a result their children are stuffed when it comes to doing anything for themselves. Personally I think that either or C) are reasonable though C) would possibly teach them more independance.

I think it's a great thing that parents are coming on here to find out about all of this stuff so that IF their child comes to them for help they can give a knowledgeable answer. Sometimes however it does sem that they are doing far too much for their kids. As much as it is hard to distance yourself surely it makes sense that if you make your child do a lot of the research themselves and then you give advice and let them make the final decision themself they will turn out to be a much more capable individual and will have far less dramas in later life.

Even if you show them threads on here and give them the information, at least you are making them aware of how it all works and giving them knowledge so they aren't as vulnerable to slip-ups in the furute.

Personally I get next-to-no financial support from my parents. I made all my decisions about uni, renting, budgets etc myself. HOWEVER what I did do was ask my parents for their opinion at every stage. They told me what they honestly thought and left it at that. They told me where to look for info without doing it for me and warned me about potential pit-falls. I filled out all my loan forms and uni paperwork myself yet they were willing to help me IF I needed it.

I survived my first two years on the minimum loan of 3300 pounds, my overdraft of 1500 pounds and working half a dozen part time jobs in any and all spare time. I got myself into trouble several times and I largely got myself out of it. My parents could have stopped me doing several things which have severely affected my finances ever since but they treated me as an adult and let me make my own decisions, though they did warn me, to no avail .

I have been bailed out several times by my parents or my sister who earns a good wage. However this has not been at my insistence and I have paid them back in full since. I now actually help my mum out with money even though I'm still at uni :rolleyes:

I know far too many people who have the simplest things done for them, they just phone "daddy" and everything is soon sorted. I don't begrudge them this support but it is leaving them glaringly unprepared for life after uni and all of them without exception admit that they don't know how to live without their parents taking care of everything. I pity them for that.

Swirlywurly

God my mum has done nothing in terms of uni research for me. I do find it strange when some parents insist on doing absolutely everything for their children. I worked as a subwarden in halls of residence and you could tell the freshers who had had everything done for them, because they expected me to step in as their surrogate parent. Butterfly stuck in your ear? Give me a ring at 4am! Microwave not working because you put your jacket potato in? "Yes of course I used foil i'm not stupid"!

Now i'm not suggesting that all the parents on here are like that because I know that isn't true, but some parents really do their children no favours.

My mum would have no idea if I was in debt. She doesn't understand how my loan works, and how hard I struggle to balance the books. By the time I graduate I will have been at uni 7 years, and it has been a real struggle at times. Because financially she can't help and i've always known that, i've worked from the age of 13. Didn't stop me going to uni or researching what I wanted to do and making sure I did it. I know not all students are as focused as me, but at what point do you as a young adult start taking responsibilities for your actions? 13 was too young for me, but students should be doing most things for themselves.