Parents organising students lives

mumps

Lokolo wrote: »

Yes you did.... maybe it wasn't me that misunderstood it but you not writing correctly?

...



So you didn't say that no...? Thought so.

You quoted me as saying and my daughter didn't know any of it

I actually said and she didn't even know about most of it.

So I didn't actually say what you quoted. And I acknowledged that the way I said it was ambiguous. Perhaps you would like to acknowledge that your quote was incorrect?

Lokolo

mumps wrote: »

You quoted me as saying and my daughter didn't know any of it

I actually said and she didn't even know about most of it.

So I didn't actually say what you quoted. And I acknowledged that the way I said it was ambiguous. Perhaps you would like to acknowledge that your quote was incorrect?

Indeed but I am not the only one who seemed to misinterpret it

mumps

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I realise now that this was the way you meant it but I'm sure you can see that it could have been taken the other way.

Yes I acknowledge, again, it was ambiguous. However, now we all understand what I mean perhaps you can see that parents sometimes research things without any intention to interfere but merely support. In fact I probably could have saved myself alot of time by just asking my daughter alot of things instead of researching them but I didn't precisely because I didn't want her to feel I was trying to take over. Damned whatever we do, as a midwife told me years ago, "A mother's place is in the wrong." How right she was.

From talking to friends with children about the same age as mine I think lots of parents do the same, obviously I can't speak for all parents and I am sure some interfere too much just as some don't support enough. It is a difficult balancing act and we can but try.

mumps

Lokolo wrote: »

Indeed but I am not the only one who seemed to misinterpret it

Two of you definitely did, don't know about anyone else. But Oldernotwiser did get the quote right.:p

Oldernotwiser

lotties_mum wrote: »

made my blood boil a bit. you won't need to pick up the pieces for my kids both dh and myself have had 3 jobs between us for years, we've never claimed a penny and even when dh loses his job in 6 mths time dd will not claim ema through sheer pride.

I didn't mean financially, so stop your blood boiling!.

Those of us who work in educational guidance often have to pick up the pieces when students have had everything done for them and then find themselves in a position of ignorance and unprepared for adult life.

mellymeep

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

The person who used the expression is a full time student and in the system. Hopefully, somebody who didn't appreciate the difference will now do so; there's nought wrong with a bit of information!

I do appreciate it! But I did mean higher education, I just thought it was called further education because it goes further beyond school and college?

DCodd

I feel that oldernotwiser seems to be getting a bit of a battering in this thread. Having read a number of their posts I know that they give a Balanced, Honest and Usefull opinion and at the risk of being presumptuous, I would suggest that given their 1st hand experience of this particular situation we should take on board what they have said and see it as a possible consequence of our own actions?

we all want to nurture and protect our children/young adults but we do have to be aware of the consequence that not allowing our children to face the "bumps and scrapes" of the real world could leave them unprepared.

It is not just Parents but Schools and the rest of society that seems to have the "it's not their fault, because of X Y Z" attitude and I for one am concerned that they will, sooner or later, be faced with a situation that their previous experience has not prepared them for and I am not sure that they will have the skills to deal with it.

poet123

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Have you never heard the expression "keeping them off the streets"?

Besides, the discipline of having to get up every day and attend something is good for people's morale and training.

The reality is often that yes,they do turn up,.......BUT, late, whinge and moan, rarely do any work, are disruptive, and still get EMA, or ALG, or an E to E allowance(the worst offenders ime).

They will tell you baldly that they are there simply to get EMA, and have no interest in the subject.

poet123

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I didn't mean financially, so stop your blood boiling!.

Those of us who work in educational guidance often have to pick up the pieces when students have had everything done for them and then find themselves in a position of ignorance and unprepared for adult life.

I agree that is often the case, however the other side of that coin is dealing with kids who are unsupported, unloved, and out there on their own, lost and adrift.

Eventually all students become independent,imo those who have had support will ultimately fare better in life than those who have low self esteem/ no direction because of parental indifference.

Oldernotwiser

poet123 wrote: »

The reality is often that yes,they do turn up,.......BUT, late, whinge and moan, rarely do any work, are disruptive, and still get EMA, or ALG, or an E to E allowance(the worst offenders ime).

They will tell you baldly that they are there simply to get EMA, and have no interest in the subject.

I know - it's awful, isn't it? But they don't get EMA just for being there but for doing the work. If they're turning up late and not doing the work then they shouldn't be getting EMA, colleges should be stopping their money when they behave like this.

Unfortunately there are too many schools and colleges that don't use EMA as it's supposed to be used and keep handing it out regardless, just as too many colleges won't throw people out at the appropriate time. Mind you, as we both know, that's because they're putting their funding before the interests of their more hard working students!

Regarding your other post (can't do multiple quotes) none of this discussion has been about not supporting your student children. It's been about not organising their lives.

When you get parents of 22 year old graduates coming in with them to guidance interviews and doing all the talking then I'm sure you'll agree that it's all gone too far. When you have posts on MSE from graduates in their twenties who didn't know that they pay interest on their Student Loans because "my parents did all the paperwork" you realise the same.

I think that average, supportive parents who are preparing their children for independence have no idea of the lengths that some parents go to. It's really true that there are those who phone tutors to argue about their children's grades or expect to go into job interviews with them. Sometimes you have to see it to believe it!