Parents organising students lives

Stubert

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Further education yes, but we're discussing higher education.

I think you're being particularly picky about the choice of words here. Lots of people say 'Further Education' when they mean 'Higher Education'. Unless you're in 'the system' you might not be aware which is which.

louise3965

Interesting thread, but it boils down to what works for each family, I guess. I have 2 daughters both with incredibly different personalities. One I have to spoon feed, one I don't. So I will have to offer different types and levels of support to each.

And thats how it will be, doesnt mean I am *taking over* or being too protective, just means I know how best to ease my kids into independance. I've given them roots so far and going to uni means I will be supporting them while they find their wings.

I will miss them though, thats the hardest bit - not the knowing when to keep my neb out !!!

Oldernotwiser

Stubert wrote: »

I think you're being particularly picky about the choice of words here. Lots of people say 'Further Education' when they mean 'Higher Education'. Unless you're in 'the system' you might not be aware which is which.

The person who used the expression is a full time student and in the system. Hopefully, somebody who didn't appreciate the difference will now do so; there's nought wrong with a bit of information!

magoogy

well ive just caught up on this thread and would like to say i absolutely love the way davidboy expressed it - we had the kids and will be their parents forever and will be there for them forever - what harm is there is helping them?

i do not mollycoddle my kids - i just help when asked - the choice and final decision is always theirs but if im asked to find out something i do it gladly for them....i have always allowed my two to go their own way and encouraged them in what they want to do

the saturdays ive spent on a fourty minute bus trip and then 25 minute walk to stand on the footie pitch for 2 hours while my son did his footy training has prooved that - i couldve let him go alone but i dont agree with such a long trip for a young lad - 10 years old at the time....i encouraged him when he took a footie placement with a well known team and then decided to go get a job instead because he wanted to start earning - i encouraged him when he decided the first job wasnt for him and he changed to another where he has been for a few years now and loves it....if i was controlling him i would still have him playing football - he could be famous now lol....he does still play but only with a sunday league but its enough for him....

i encouraged my daughter when she decided to restart in the 6th form after her school had made a total hash of her first year through changing the type of qualifications....i didnt care that i had to scrimp and save to help her because at that time there was no alg and she wasnt entitled to ema anymore....

but in all ive always been there for them - they know im there for them and always will be but;

i dont know and dont want to know what my sons wage is/what he does with his money/how much he pays for this, that and other nor would be ever tell me this

i dont tell my daughter how to spend her £30 a week she is now entitled to but i do help her with the odd tenner here and there when she is skint - no parent can resist their childs cheeky glint when skint lol....

Oldernotwiser

magoogy wrote: »

well ive just caught up on this thread and would like to say i absolutely love the way davidboy expressed it - we had the kids and will be their parents forever and will be there for them forever - what harm is there is helping them?

i do not mollycoddle my kids - i just help when asked - the choice and final decision is always theirs but if im asked to find out something i do it gladly for them....i have always allowed my two to go their own way and encouraged them in what they want to do

the saturdays ive spent on a fourty minute bus trip and then 25 minute walk to stand on the footie pitch for 2 hours while my son did his footy training has prooved that - i couldve let him go alone but i dont agree with such a long trip for a young lad - 10 years old at the time....i encouraged him when he took a footie placement with a well known team and then decided to go get a job instead because he wanted to start earning - i encouraged him when he decided the first job wasnt for him and he changed to another where he has been for a few years now and loves it....if i was controlling him i would still have him playing football - he could be famous now lol....he does still play but only with a sunday league but its enough for him....

i encouraged my daughter when she decided to restart in the 6th form after her school had made a total hash of her first year through changing the type of qualifications....i didnt care that i had to scrimp and save to help her because at that time there was no alg and she wasnt entitled to ema anymore....

but in all ive always been there for them - they know im there for them and always will be but;

i dont know and dont want to know what my sons wage is/what he does with his money/how much he pays for this, that and other nor would be ever tell me this

i dont tell my daughter how to spend her £30 a week she is now entitled to but i do help her with the odd tenner here and there when she is skint - no parent can resist their childs cheeky glint when skint lol....

That's all lovely but we're talking about young men and women in their twenties! Also the thread title is about organising their lives for them, not supporting and encouraging them The two things are completely different!

mumps

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

That's all lovely but we're talking about young men and women in their twenties! Also the thread title is about organising their lives for them, not supporting and encouraging them The two things are completely different!

Well the OP specifically mentioned 18 year olds and was talking about going off to uni. Bearing in mind that many of the parents of 6th formers looking for info for next academic year will have children of 17 (and they are still children legally at 17) At 17 my daughter went to see unis and to interviews, as I said before some she went to alone some I went as well. I don't honestly understand why a parent asking for some info about their child going off to uni is seen as them organising their lives or means that they fill in their forms or make their decisions. Seems a big jump to me. I researched alot before my daughter went to uni and she didn't even know about most of it, just meant I had the info if she asked for advice or generally want to discuss things.

Oldernotwiser

mumps wrote: »

I researched alot before my daughter went to uni and she didn't even know about most of it, just meant I had the info if she asked for advice or generally want to discuss things.

Don't you think that this is the wrong way round, however well meant?

mumps

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Don't you think that this is the wrong way round, however well meant?

I don't think you understand, just because parents do research it does not mean the student doesn't. I chose to research so that if my daughter wanted to discuss things I had information, she did more research than I did but I like to be informed about things I discuss. She discussed some things with me, she also talked to friends, used a student discussion forum, talked to her teachers. She gathered all the information and made her decision, to be honest if I had made the choice it would have been for a university she declined, if her father had made the choice he would have chosen her insurance choice. We never actually said that to her, we have discussed it since she started at university (and she loves her university) and she guessed which university I liked best but she was surprised at her fathers favourite. What we both did was discuss the pros and cons with her if she asked us. It was her decision and she doesn't regret it.

I don't understand why you make the assumption that if a parent does any research that automatically means the student does none.

By the way I will be amazed if her younger brother discusses university with us, he will tell us where he wants to go when he makes the decision and that is fine, he likes to think about things and make his own decision, she likes to get everyones opinion, discuss it at length and then make her own decision. I think it is just how she works it out, she doesn't actually need anyone to do it for her but she likes to discuss it, she is the same about other decisions like booking a holiday she will research it and talk to friends/family about it, I think it is half the fun for her.

Lokolo

The fact you said "I researched most of it and my daughter didn't know any of it" suggested that your daughter hadn't done anything for deciding and you had made choices for her. Well thats how it came across to me. Obviously you have said otherwise now.

If I had listened to my head of sixth form I wouldn't be at the uni I am currently at (and loving) because of her hate with ex-polys. She refused to allow me time off to come and visit the uni. I of course, ignored her.

My mum came with me on all my open days and didn't have a say in the matter. Although she did agree with my points I made when I visited them all.

noelphobic

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

The person who used the expression is a full time student and in the system. Hopefully, somebody who didn't appreciate the difference will now do so; there's nought wrong with a bit of information!

don't you mean 'there's NOWT wrong with a bit of information'?!!!!!!!