What would you do?

GracieP

lufcgirl wrote: »

I told my best friend about the concert before I'd even called her and by the next day he'd bought tickets bless him.

Your best friend isn't really your best friend if he is in love with you and wants to be with you. My husband is really good friends with 2 of his exes but if one of them ever made it clear that she was in love with him and wanted him back he would curtail their friendship out of respect for me and our relationship and kindness to his friend.

What type of message do you think your friend is getting when you choose going to a concert with him over supporting your partner? He is going to think he has hope for a relationship with you, which if he doesn't, isn't fair on him. Your girlfriend is going to be extremely upset that when she asks for your support, you go to a concert with someone who is in love with you.

You are quite selfishly trying to have your cake and eat it here. Maintaining a close friendship with someone who loves you but has no shot of being with you is cruel. Cut him free and let him move on. If your relationship with your girlfriend isn't something you feel strongly about, then end it with her, because she seems to want more from you than you are willing to give.

hundredk

GracieP wrote: »

He is going to think he has hope for a relationship with you, which if he doesn't, isn't fair on him.

True, but from reading this thread there seems to be more endearment to the "best friend" than GF. Also we don't know why the ex is an ex.

lufcgirl

He doesn't know about the performance, if he did he'd be telling me to go there. I think it's very unfair to tell me how to behave with my best friend, I know if the opportunity arose he'd want to be with me but he has a girlfriend atm who is wonderful for him.

Anyway I just told her I wouldn't be going as I was going to the concert. Think I'm officially finished! I'll try work it out with her though tonight when I have time.

SugarSpun

lufcgirl wrote: »

I think it's very unfair to tell me how to behave with my best friend

I find it quite bizarre that you're comfortable putting your situation up in a public forum for comments, but you find it unfair when people are honest with you.

But then, I also find your notion of fairness and unfairness quite bizarre. I'd have thought ignoring a partner's request for support was pretty unfair, actually.

hundredk

lufcgirl wrote: »

He doesn't know about the performance, if he did he'd be telling me to go there. I think it's very unfair to tell me how to behave with my best friend,

A very different view from you GF.

lufcgirl wrote: »

I know if the opportunity arose he'd want to be with me but he has a girlfriend atm who is wonderful for him.

What does his GF think of you

lufcgirl wrote: »

Anyway I just told her I wouldn't be going as I was going to the concert. Think I'm officially finished! I'll try work it out with her though tonight when I have time.

Is there anything to work out?

lufcgirl

I've never met his girlfriend! They've only been together six weeks but you can see how happy he is when he talks about her, it's lovely.

The point someone made about me 'having my cake and eating it' wasn't too fair I think. I don't lead him on in the slightest, we have a great friendship and many mutual friends so I can't just distance myself from him, not that I want to.

I think if it was support in something that actually required it, not something she's done for the past 15 years every year, I'd be there like a shot. I've flown over when she was attacked (walked straight out of work and got the next flight), or when her Mum was ill (did the same again) but it's something she does ever year.

Oh and her main point now about being furious is because she had bought me tickets for my birthday to see The Script support Take That in June, and she thought it was something we'd be doing together and she feels like my best friend and her have no relative difference. Like I'm just friends with them both.

poet123

If she feels that way, you have 2 choices, either go out of your way to prove to her that is not true (assuming it isn't) or let this be the catalyst for getting out of the relationship and moving on. I am assuming that as your current love is female and the ex is male, that your GF is also not convinced that you have made a firm stand about your sexual preferences. This must be a concern for her, and will colour her view of your relationship with him.

lufcgirl

By 'ex' I mean we were together, probably not even that, about a week four years ago!

January20

lufcgirl wrote: »

thank you for your points January20. You're welcome! it looked like you needed some support To be fair the relationship is not even six months old and it's not like we've made a lifetime commitment to each other, in a sense were just getting to know each other. Don't read an opinion in what I'm saying but if the relationship is so young, what you do today will no doubt shape it's future.

Today sees the start of the competition and I'm not there. She didn't want me there for it yet wants me at the one in July. As selfish as it sounds, nobody plays concerts in tynemouth and I really want to go for the experience if anything. I'm doing what I want to do, not her. I know! If the weather is nice it will be an amazing night! Whether or not - like another poster said - they are pants live!

I was even shouted at for putting my facebook status as I wanted to get very very drunk last night! It's verging on ridiculous.

I'm not sure I understand your second last sentence and why you got shouted at but do you think your girlfriend feels insecure because the two of you are so far apart?

lufcgirl

I know she hates the distance as do I, but there's nothing either if us can do about it so it's something she needs to deal with.

We've had a long talk earlier and I'm going to the concert, she understands why I'm not going. She feels that I'm 'out of her league' so she worries I'll run off with the first person that comes along. Not very nice not to be trusted as I do care for her an awful lot.
I've suggested we go back to being friends for a while and see how things plan out really, it was the best idea in my eyes anyway. She's not agreeing to it so a little more talking is in order. The reason is if were just friends and find we can't live without each other it's going to mean it's meant to be. If not and were ok just being friends then we can both move on.