What would you do?

Errata

Option 1 circumstances will never happen again.
Option 2 band will have other gigs in the future.

pink_princess

:hello: Hi lufc girl.
(other than this I hope your well).
As I ve read a few more details than whats posted here,I believe that your OH demands her own way a bit to much.
Now if your compliant then theres nothing wrong with that,but you clearly have an inner struggle about the jumping through hoops.
Personnally I would either go,then talk to her about being so demanding,or not go but have the courage of mind to know I was doing the best thing and be upfront about it.
The 3rd option of lying would be no good to me,It will be very detrimental in the end.
PP

jackomdj

Sorry but I am with your OH too. I am of the opinion that if I need my OH or if he needs me then that is our priority. In our relationship we have both done things that we would not ideally choose to do, but we have done it for the other person.

Also, without kowing the history so I may be out of line, but I would not be able to be best friends with someone if my OH hated them for "justified reasons". Surely that in itself causes problems in your relationship?

Nicky

lufcgirl

Yes her hatred of my best friend is rubbish tbh and causes disagreements. Best friend and I used to work together and we had a brief relationship back then. Then we just hung out and became best friends. Everyone (including my parents) know he wants to be with me and she struggles with that and so stopped me from going on nights out with him icnase he tried it on. I don't have a problem with it at all, as I don't drink much anyway.

Option One happens every year so it's not a once in a lifetime occurrence as you all seem to think. I'm just very torn between what I should be doing and what I want to do. Sorry if that makes me a bad person for not being as supportive as I should be.

January20

Reading your initial post it seems plainly obvious what you really want to do...

The only advice I will give you is to do exactly what will make you happy - regardless of what others may expect or think of you. If you do things you don't want to, to please other people, you will end up resenting them and being disappointed with yourself.

leiela

It might happen every year but this is the first one for her right?? so it's important.

Also ask yourself 1) what will happen if your OH finds out you lied? 2) how strong is your relationship if you have to lie?

When i started dating my now husband, my husband HATED HATED with a passion my best friend, for exactly the reasons you state, he knew my friend wanted more than just friends.

Now i wasn't willing to give up a friend id had for longer than i'd have my boyfriend, so i had to make a choice. risking one v's the other.

Personally i decided my FRIEND was worth more than a Boyfriend i'd just started dating (15 years later no friend could ever compeate with my husband), so i put my foot down told my boyfriend that "tough luck" XXX was my friend and either he delt with that or HE moved on.

Luckily for me my Boyfriend swallowed his pride and decided to stick it out despite him not trusting my friend, 15 years later im still friends with my bestfriend and i have my husband, but im well well aware i could have lost my husband that day.

The situation could be quite different for you?? who is more important to you?? your girlfriend or your friend?? which one of them are you willing to risk losing??

I think at the end of the day "trust" is everything the minute you start lying with your partner to spend time with someone else something in the relationship is very very wrong.

If your girlfriend is more important to you than your friend the situation is a no brainer, go to your girlsfreinds music competition.

If your friend is more important, go to the gig (even though its a really cruel/selfish thing do to your Girlfriend in my opinion) just do her a favor don't lie to her she deserves more respect than that, tell the truth and deal with the concequences

shazrobo

you should do what pleases you, otherwise resentment will build, but definatly do not lie, a relationship based on lies is not a healthy one in my opinion. for what its worth tho, remember there may come a time when you need support, and your partner will be off doing their own thing. at the end of the day a relationship is about trust, and also compromise

lufcgirl

It isn't the first one for her, she's been performing in this thing since she was about 8. I've just tried to say I won't be going and a lovely argument about support has happened. I said even though I wasn't there I'd still be supporting her, she couldn't comprehend it and had hung up furious.

leiela

had you previously told her you where going??

If my husband cancelled an arrangement we had already made to go out with a friend i think i'd be a tad upset too.

I'm a dancer if he let's me know he can't come and watch me because of an arrangement he'd already made, i would be dissappointed, but i'd accept it.

If he cancelled having already promised he'd come because he wanted to go out with a friend i'd be furious.

lufcgirl

I'd never promised anything. I said I didn't know if I could go and she already knew I didn't really want to go so it was hardly a surprise.