Sick of saying 'Sorry, I can't afford it'

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  • seraphina
    seraphina Posts: 1,145 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I know exactly what you mean!

    My budget has money in it to allow for nights out with friends - but I usually budget for £10 - plenty for a pizza and a glass of wine. My travelcard gets me to and from places anyway so I don't need to worry about driving/petrol/cab fares.

    I was supposed to go out with a friend last week, just the two of us. One of her other friends wanted to come as well, and it turns out she booked us into a restaurant in Covent Garden on a toptable.co.uk "deal" - which was £25 before drinks! :mad:

    I did wind up making my excuses and have rescheduled for this week and I can get my say in first and say I want to go someplace cheap! I felt really rubbish having to come up with excuses but at the end of the day, my debts are more important than my social standing. I'm gradually coming clean to people about being broke and I know my good friends will take the hint and make social plans accordingly. Anyone else I don't mind that much about making excuses to!

    It's also hard because my good friends are all still single. I'm recently married and we're now wanting to clear our debts, save for a house and plan for a family so it's a question of priorites.

    Good luck - and it does get easier! Well done for sticking to your guns.
  • livilou
    livilou Posts: 148 Forumite
    how is this for a girls night in then.....

    on wednesday I have 3 friends coming over who are all aware that money is very tight, one of my other friends is also watching the pennies as she is getting married next year. us girls get fed up with having nothing new in the wardrobe so on wednesday we are having a swap party (not that kind.............)

    we all bring along those items in the wardrobe that we have brought, never worn, or worn once or twice and then it's disappeared into the back of the wardrobe. basically we all have a rummage and if we fancy something that has been brought along we can have it, be it belts, handbags, purses, make up, cd's, dvds. if more than one person wants an item the others have to say who they think it would suit the most................

    I am providing the food and venue for the night and the others will bring wine and nibbles etc, one girls night, few glasses of vino and if you are lucky a few new items to dress yourself up in!!!

    xx
  • Murtle
    Murtle Posts: 4,154 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I worry about this all the time - but my New Year's resolution was to stop declining invitations (because it's boring and it stunts your social life!).

    So, when the girls are going out on the town, I go with them and I drink soda water (which is anywhere between 0p and 50p). Tonight, in fact, I've got two friends' birthday parties and I've got a budget of £2.50 to spend, but I'll still go out and I won't let any of my friends buy me a drink (strange blokes, maybe!).

    The difficult ones are Work Lunches Out (because they will always be expensive - I usually go out of embaressment and just have a tiny salad or something); and holidays / trips away - you have to turn these down, and there's no easy way to try and explain to the organiser, but hopefully there aren't too many of these to worry about.

    One sneaky thing I did a few weeks ago was to go out clothes shopping with some friends - they kept saying "oo, buy it - it looks fab!", so I did. I kept all the labels / receipts / bags and the next day I took it all back on my own. That way, I wasn't ruining everyone's fun by going on about money, and I was still resisting the spend.

    I don't normally quote whole posts, but I thought this was excellent! I used to go out and not drink, I'd drive instead. I can have a great time without alchol. However, my friends also wouldn't let me pay for drinks as I was driving! I would then drop a couple of them off and head home. They were great nights, also with the soda water, you can have lime cordial - yummy.

    I liked the shopping one!!

    x x
  • Willsnarf1983
    Willsnarf1983 Posts: 1,928 Forumite
    i wish i had ur mentality i am not saying no to trips to Norwich, twice this season at £50 a go (i live in southampton so going to watch the canaries is not a cheap business lol!)

    then theres golf, forked out £30 for two months at the local course which as golfers will know isn't bad but its still a pain to pay!


    but on the brightside i still overpaid by.........£290 quid ontop of the loan of 100 quid, could have and prob should have been more but i have just gotten lazy!

    Will
    SShhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  • moxie_2
    moxie_2 Posts: 609 Forumite
    I know exactly what you mean about always having to say no. Every year, for the past 6 years a group of us have gone to France for the May bank holiday weekend. I've had to say no this year and one friend has offered to pay £100 for me to go! He said it was to 'make up for all the Xmas and birthday presents he had missed'. I was very touched by this, but have still said no, although it was hard because I really want to go!
    Total debt May 2005 £83,232 :eek:
    Total Debt November 2009 £0! DEBT FREE!
    Proud to have dealt with my debts
    Official DFW Nerd Club member no. 028
  • r.mac_2
    r.mac_2 Posts: 4,746 Forumite
    i soooo understand how you feel. My 'best' friends know my situation but it still makes me feel bad when i can't join in something. I have been strong though and try to look for alternatives first before saying an outright no. For example, if someone suggests going out for dinner, I suggest they come to mine and I make a cheap HM pizza, they bring wine and pudding etc.

    The hardest thing is feeling like I am missing out - so I arrange coffees with friends instead of nights out. A coffee in a bar costs anywhere between £1 - £2.50. Much more affordable than dinner or alcohol. And as it is daytime, there are buses running and so no temptation to jump in a taxi home!

    I love the idea of a swap party - sounds a great idea. even better to try with my sisters too. (we are all roughly the same size and sharing sisters things always seems more appealing). In fact I rember as a small child being very very excited about recieving a bag of hand me downs from my cousin. She was older and therefore cool in my eyes - mum could hardly get me out of some of the clothes my aunt passed on!!!

    I also like the 'excuse' idea of saying i am saving for something as opposed to just sayong i can't afford it. A more positive spin on the situation perhaps.

    thanks for all the ideas - feeling a little more positive xxxx
    aless02 wrote: »
    r.mac, you are so wise and wonderful, that post was lovely and so insightful!
    I can't promise that all my replies will illicit this response :p
  • I was reading this thread nodding along agreeing with everyones comments. I to am fed up of saying the can't afford it line. In fact I started making excuses up to a few of my friends (who don't know my debt situation) Surprise to say after 18mths of bailing out of nights outs/holidays etc they stopped asking me. It's my own fault in away but if I trusted them to keep my debt problem to themselves I would have told them. Guess they are just acquaintances really if I couldn't trust them to be open.

    Makes me laugh though because my close girl-friend knows my situation, has twice as much debt than me and when I say sorry can't afford it she replies me neither but still goes on the holiday!! I know when I am officially debt free in 4 years or less her debts will be horrendous and she'll be forced to have no life. Way she sees it is that life is for living, but get this she can't afford to move out of her parents because of her debt and is almost 30. Hmmm...I'll take my independant budget bore life over that any day!!

    Good thread, am totally motivated to know I am not the only 1!

    xxx
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 038 :j
  • shellabear
    shellabear Posts: 50 Forumite
    This is a really good thread. am constantly saying it but no-one seems to listen or they think i just don't want to go out. sometimes i say i'm not feeling well so that they will stop saying they will be me a drink if i go. feel like a scrounger sometimes but in the end you have to think of yourself because you're the only one who can change your situation.
    good luck!!
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 043 :j
    :beer:
    Lightbulb moment - March 2006 :T
    Debt free - no idea. :confused: hopefull asap
    Total debt March 2006 - 21239.72 :eek:
  • I've enjoyed reading this thread knowing I'm not alone!!! :T

    Isn't it annoying when you say "no" to doing something someone says "it's alright, I'll lend you the money" NO, that's not the bl**dy point :mad:

    I work in a pub and often on a Friday or Saturday night the others I work with go out after we've finished work and they ask me to go. I only go occasionally and only have a coke, but when I say no they always give me the above line!! Grrrrrrr!!!

    And one of my friends is in loads of debt but is always asking me to go out, and then I get the line "oh but we haven't been out in ages/isn't the same without you/I'll pay this time and you can owe me blah blah blah!!!! when I say no, not tonight!! Talk about guilt trip!!

    Sorry for ranting, this is a pet peeve of mine at the mo!!!!

    I hate saying I can't afford it, but in the long run I will be better off than they will be and WILL be able to afford it!!! And just think, they'll be in loads of debt! :p (wrong way to think of it I know, bit of a nuh nuh na nuh nuh!!)

    But don't forget that it's ok to go out sometimes!!! :beer: Just budget for it! :p
    Official DFW Nerd no. 082! :cool:
    Debt @ 01/01/2014 £16,956 Debt now: £0.00 :j
    Aims:[STRIKE] clear debt, get married, buy a house[/STRIKE] :D ALL DONE!!
  • headchef
    headchef Posts: 178 Forumite
    "Way she sees it is that life is for living, but get this she can't afford to move out of her parents because of her debt and is almost 30."

    Why is this so often the excuse for our friends and family to bury their heads? :confused: So many posters say their friends or colleagues say 'you've got to have a life'? What do they think it means? Suppose most of us thought the same, especially when younger, cos we saw our parents as doing nothing but working and watching TV for entertainment.
    Maybe it is an age thing (now I think having a life is having 5 minutes to myself :rolleyes: ) so well done all of you Debt Free Wannabes under the age of 30 who are bucking the trend :T
    £16,500 in debt.
    New debt free date: 2015 (was 2046!!).
    Thanks MSE for helping me budget and therefore increase payments from £30 per month to £150
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