Sick of saying 'Sorry, I can't afford it'

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  • QueenB.
    QueenB. Posts: 1,083 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    I know how you feel. Very few of my friends are in debt, how do i know you say, because i know their circumstances, most are in positions that due to circumstances i am not. But the people i hate saying that phrase to is my children, i am sick of telling them they can't have something because we can't afford it, it seems for months now that is all i ever say to them and it is not as if they ask for much, i feel like a failure as a parent and the whole thing just depresses me. Friends are understanding but it has put a strain on things. I am even starting to bore myself with that phrase :rotfl:
    Success means having to worry about every thing in the world......EXCEPT MONEY. Johnny Cash

    Cross stitch Cafe member 81.
  • Sofa_Sogood
    Sofa_Sogood Posts: 5,258 Forumite
    Anyone got any new ways of saying I'm skint without letting the whole world know my business?
    What's wrong with saying you're skint? :confused:

    You don't have to tell them why, just don't be embarrassed that you are, or might be.

    Real friends and colleagues will help. Unreal ones who don't understand? Well, you're better off without 'em :)
  • livilou
    livilou Posts: 148 Forumite
    ms_london wrote:
    I dont totally agree that being in debt is embarrassing - who isnt it debt? (well, im not now - whoo, but you see what I mean).

    You should all be proud of yourselves for doing something about it. It is tough in the long run, however, it WILL be worth it in the end and you will have learnt so many things - most of which will stick with you for life!!

    I wonder if a few years down the line, these friends, who seem to be out all the time, new clothes, holidays etc etc will be the ones in debt (if they arent already!!) - while you will have savings & be money savvy :0)

    i agree, I look at my friends some times who are all in brand new clothes and having holidays and new cars and appear to be well off but then when I think about it, they don't necessarily earn any more than we do etc and I have no idea what credit cards or loans they have so could well be paying out a couple of hundred pounds a month on debts whereas now we have no credit cards, if we can't afford it we don't have it and to be honest I can't say we are suffering.

    we have 2 fab kids and they haven't gone without, grandparents and family have made sure they have been with everything they need.

    xx
  • Queenie
    Queenie Posts: 8,793 Forumite
    I think there are two issues here.

    First is the way *you* are viewing your situation. The second (what to say) will fall into place when you have altered the first. There are many negative words/phrases in your post but you have only praised yourself once. ;)

    Take a look ...
    Is anyone else tired of using this phrase? I'm trying soooooooooo hard at the moment to spend as little money as possible but then spend just as long worrying that people will think I am tight or money obsessed!
    So far this week, I've been asked out for a girls night out and 2 holidays and I've had to trot out the well worn words 'Sorry, I can't afford it'. On one hand, I'm really pleased I'm not giving in but on the other hand, I'm not someone who likes disappointing people when they ask me to go places!
    Anyone got any new ways of saying I'm skint without letting the whole world know my business?

    If the first step is your "lightbulb moment" then the next step has got to be rephrasing how you speak to yourself and then you will be able to cope with the situations where you need to speak to others.

    If we focus on our can't-do's we're more likely to fail. Focus on your can-do's and you are more likely to fly through the debt-free goal.

    :T Well done on your determination :T your willpower :T your commitment to your debt free goal :T and for staying FOCUSED!! :T It's GREAT that you have resisted those temptations :T :T

    I get the feeling that you haven't yet established what your goals will be beyond paying off your debts?

    Perhaps you could invest some time mindblasting/day dreaming/planning all the things you would like to do/achieve when you *are* debt free. From the small to the grand.

    When you've established those, break them down into smaller steps. Because *then* you can truthfully decline spendy offers without feeling disappointed/down/missing out because you'll be declaring positively and with a sparkle in your eye ... "Ooh, thanks for asking, but I'm saving to buy a beach house in Malibu/world cruise/set up a business/buy a race horse/whatever your lifetime dream/goal may be. When your friends, colleagues all look amazed, you'll be able to tell them, with conviction just how you'll achieve it because you'll have broken down the big dream into smaller, managable steps on how to get there. ;)

    We all need goals to aim for to keep us on track in life. So ask yourself, what are your positive goals for next month/year/5 yrs/10yrs/20yrs?? How will you know if you've achieved them?

    Have a listen to "Dignity" by Deacon Blue ;)

    :T Very well done on your determination :T your willpower :T your commitment to your debt free goal :T and for staying FOCUSED!! :T It's GREAT that you have resisted those temptations :T :T
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  • BACKFRMTHEEDGE
    BACKFRMTHEEDGE Posts: 1,294 Forumite
    But the people i hate saying that phrase to is my children,

    Don't feel guilty.There are plenty of money experts, Alvin Hall for example, who say it's not good to spoil kids financially. They need to "WANT" to be motivated. Help them learn the habits they need to be financially independent themselves. You have lots of skills now.
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

    Savings For Kids 1st Jan 2019 £16,112
  • Queenie
    Queenie Posts: 8,793 Forumite
    QueenB. wrote:
    I know how you feel. Very few of my friends are in debt, how do i know you say, because i know their circumstances, most are in positions that due to circumstances i am not. But the people i hate saying that phrase to is my children, i am sick of telling them they can't have something because we can't afford it, it seems for months now that is all i ever say to them and it is not as if they ask for much, i feel like a failure as a parent and the whole thing just depresses me. Friends are understanding but it has put a strain on things. I am even starting to bore myself with that phrase :rotfl:

    ((hugs)) You are *not* a failure!!! :naughty:

    Could you try saying to your children "we can save up for it" ? :confused:

    My boys asked for something last summer and instead of saying no (or even worse, yes!! ;) ) I said to them that if they wanted to save for it, I will double whatever they manage to save over the next year. Well, they *have* saved and they don't need to wait until the summer to get what they wanted, because they are getting it on Monday ;) They have had to compromise on other things, they have had to make choices and prioritise but always with their focus on the deal. It's worked a treat :D
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  • Tr@cker
    Tr@cker Posts: 532 Forumite
    Strewth, looking at some of the debts on this thread puts my 16.5k unsecured in perspective (my personal lifetime highest) Its interesting how people have different attitudes to debt, i know businessmen who've been bankrupt 2 or three times and they just seem to shrug it off like water off a ducks back, others are sick with worry about it. I guess the right way is to be responsible but at the same time dont let it get to you-its only money after all.
    As regards being skint i see no shame in that in the modern day, just tell your friends you're making lifestyle changes or if its all about 'keeping up with the joanses' maybe get some new friends.
  • Wizwoo
    Wizwoo Posts: 675 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Hello Littlemiss-lots of debt,

    I said it again last night. OH and I went out to be socialable and catch up with friends with just £10 (if we have more on us it gets spent - this way we can't). The thing I really struggle with is that after a while friends stop telling us what they're doing. We've said yes we'll see you there for a night out and then not gone due to lack of cash (we go out with a crowd). So we end up letting people down. :(

    Thing is I struggle with depression - I've been on the tablets but have been off them now for a few years and try to spot the symptoms and do something about it asap. (This site has been fantastic :T ) It's really hard - I can get a bit insecure. I do so much better around others (rather than staying in on my own) which is where the pennies get fluttered away.

    "My name's Wizwoo and I'm a sociaholic!" (is there a word for that?)
  • oops_a_daisy
    oops_a_daisy Posts: 2,460 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    why not invite them round to yours for a girls night in ? - you provide the venue - they provide the drinks and nibbles. That way none of you are missing out on a night out :j
    :cool: Official DFW Nerd Club Member #37 Debt free Feb 07 :cool:
  • lynzpower
    lynzpower Posts: 25,311 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    What does my head in ( and i have one freind in particular who does it, thing is shes my so-called best mate!) is that if I say , im sorry, im broke we cant do it, she goes Oh well im skint as well, but if you really cared about the night out/the holiday/me then youd do it. :mad:

    SHUT UP FOR GODS SAKE!!!
    :beer: Well aint funny how its the little things in life that mean the most? Not where you live, the car you drive or the price tag on your clothes.
    Theres no dollar sign on piece of mind
    This Ive come to know...
    So if you agree have a drink with me, raise your glasses for a toast :beer:
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