Sick of saying 'Sorry, I can't afford it'

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  • wigginsmum
    wigginsmum Posts: 4,150 Forumite
    Blimey, who needs friends like that, Lynz!

    None of our friends are 'going-out' kind of people, but we have regular nights in together - economical meal, someone brings some wine. I think that's far more fun than pubbing or clubbing.
    The ability of skinny old ladies to carry huge loads is phenomenal. An ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.
  • skintchick
    skintchick Posts: 15,114 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    My best mate is fab - she has loads of money but never makes me feel bad about not doing stuff (doesn't offer to pay either but then why should she?). Most people I know are pretty skint though, so we're in the same boat.
    :cool: DFW Nerd Club member 023...DFD 9.2.2007 :cool:
    :heartpuls married 21 6 08 :A Angel babies' birth dates 3.10.08 * 4.3.11 * 11.11.11 * 17.3.12 * 2.7.12 :heart2: My live baby's birth date 22 7 09 :heart2: I'm due another baby at the end of July 2014! :j
  • headchef
    headchef Posts: 178 Forumite
    I know this is intrusive, but I'm due to be taken on full time at a job I've been doing as self-empoyed for 5 years and wondered what type of jobs/responsibilities other people have to help me negotiate a good deal (and therefor up the repayments on my debts :T ).
    My job is a mixed bag as i'd been a graphic desinger for years and started this job as a part time admin job while looking for other work but then got into debt when OH's job went belly up etc.
    So 5 year's later I'm still doing this job for a market reasearch company and churning out whizzy presentations for them and have expanded the admin side to include fieldwork management (basically managing the good ladies who stand on street corners asking people if they want to come to focus groups). I have to use a lot of negotiating skills and work to tight deadlines, deal with client queries and handle lots of cash. As it's a small company I also look after the PCs and set up new technology (I teach myslef then show the boss how to use an MP3 recorder for instance).
    I make the tea too!
    All this for £13 per hour, no bonus, no pension (and currently no hol pay etc). How does this compare to other people? Am I well paid or not?!! :confused:
    £16,500 in debt.
    New debt free date: 2015 (was 2046!!).
    Thanks MSE for helping me budget and therefore increase payments from £30 per month to £150
  • headchef
    headchef Posts: 178 Forumite
    Oops thought I was starting a new thread (so much for being techno minded)
    £16,500 in debt.
    New debt free date: 2015 (was 2046!!).
    Thanks MSE for helping me budget and therefore increase payments from £30 per month to £150
  • cantcope
    cantcope Posts: 1,886 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary Debt-free and Proud!
    Hi,

    I got fed up saying that too. So i sat my two closest friends down and explained to them how much i owed and why i couldnt afford it. Luckily for me, they now just dont invite me (and dont tell me is they are doing something expensive) but have been popping round to see me a couple of times a week always bringing a little treat for me (chocs, read magazines, maybe a dvd i can borrow). This is keeping me going.

    I have planned a treat for my birthday (we all deserve one now and again). I've booked a tenner travel lodge room (cheaper than a cab) and have been promised birthday drinks by everyone. I cant wait and this alone is keeping me going.

    Things will get better. If you are on a liquid diet and counting pennies why not get some friends round jsut for chat and a cuppa. They've been the best medicine for me x
    Last bet : 26th Oct 2006:j Debt free 25th Feb 2008:j Living "my" dream:T
  • Tr@cker
    Tr@cker Posts: 532 Forumite
    13 quid an hour in this neck of the woods is big money but i guess its peanuts in posh bucks. I'd be debt-free in half the time on that much.
  • QueenB.
    QueenB. Posts: 1,083 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    Queenie wrote:
    ((hugs)) You are *not* a failure!!! :naughty:

    Could you try saying to your children "we can save up for it" ? :confused:

    My boys asked for something last summer and instead of saying no (or even worse, yes!! ;) ) I said to them that if they wanted to save for it, I will double whatever they manage to save over the next year. Well, they *have* saved and they don't need to wait until the summer to get what they wanted, because they are getting it on Monday ;) They have had to compromise on other things, they have had to make choices and prioritise but always with their focus on the deal. It's worked a treat :D

    Thankyou Queenie funny how a hug even an on line one can help lift spirits, my two youngest are very young so they are not quite ready yet for that, although i do get them to spend any money they get from relatives, even the pennies in a worth while way. My eldest does try to save but it is not much as we can't afford to give her pocket money so again its just the odd bit from relatives. I have no problem saying no, we can;t afford it if it is silly stuff they are asking for but at the moment with the situation as it is i am having to say it for everything. My daughter needs a new school bag, and some new clothes as she has grown out of almost everything she has. So saying no to such basic things is what is making me feel like a failure, still after being on here for the last week and reading what others ahve said i can actually say i have finally had my lightbulb moment, just wish it had come sooner :embarasse
    Success means having to worry about every thing in the world......EXCEPT MONEY. Johnny Cash

    Cross stitch Cafe member 81.
  • LookingAhead
    LookingAhead Posts: 4,633 Forumite
    Queen B I have sent you a PM - check the top right hand corner of the thread where it will say "Welcome Queen B" and then click on the blue words Private Messages (in case you weren't sure!)
    Bank Balance: In the black for the moment.
    Sainsburys Loan: Cleared July 2010
    Credit cards: AMEX Airmiles Card: direct debit set to clear balance monthly
  • Badger_Lady
    Badger_Lady Posts: 6,264 Forumite
    Photogenic First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I worry about this all the time - but my New Year's resolution was to stop declining invitations (because it's boring and it stunts your social life!).

    So, when the girls are going out on the town, I go with them and I drink soda water (which is anywhere between 0p and 50p). Tonight, in fact, I've got two friends' birthday parties and I've got a budget of £2.50 to spend, but I'll still go out and I won't let any of my friends buy me a drink (strange blokes, maybe!).

    The difficult ones are Work Lunches Out (because they will always be expensive - I usually go out of embaressment and just have a tiny salad or something); and holidays / trips away - you have to turn these down, and there's no easy way to try and explain to the organiser, but hopefully there aren't too many of these to worry about.

    One sneaky thing I did a few weeks ago was to go out clothes shopping with some friends - they kept saying "oo, buy it - it looks fab!", so I did. I kept all the labels / receipts / bags and the next day I took it all back on my own. That way, I wasn't ruining everyone's fun by going on about money, and I was still resisting the spend.
    Mortgage | £145,000Unsecured Debt | [strike]£7,000[/strike] £0 Lodgers | |
  • Thank you all so much for your advice, kind words and support, and next time I have to say 'no' to something, I will remind myself that I should be proud that I am working on becoming debt free rather than just 'whacking it on the credit cards' for the sake of a good night out that only lasts one night, and then worrying myself sick about how to pay it back.

    I have the girls night in planned for next week - I'm cooking using things already in the house and they are supplying the wine, so I'm looking forward to that.

    Thank you again, I feel so much better about things :o
    Its nice to be important but more important to be nice!
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