My partner doesn't want children....

Xaviera

OTOH I never wanted kids til I was 25 and then 'something' just changed in me and I started getting all broody and wet eyed over babies. :eek: The same could happen to your GF pinkneonmartini, especially if she's younger, you've got years yet to decide.

Who would have the kid, you or her?

DKLS

pinkneonmartini wrote: »

Finally, the LAST big complication .... I love her! Always have, even when we were just friends. I don't think i could walk away, she means far too much to me, but will i end up hating her when my brother has kids, her sister has kids, our friends have kids, and we have a dog a cat and some fish?

Dont knock the dog/cat/fish thing it aint that bad , although I only have 2 out of 3.

I guess you need to decide if she doesn't change her mind is it a deal breaker for you. If it is you need to walk.

I am lucky I knew from about the age of 11 and have never wavered, in fact the older I get the more anti child I get.

pinkneonmartini

Xaviera wrote: »

Who would have the kid, you or her?

:T well done, first one to spot it's 2 ladies lol

erm...... probably me, i always thought it would be my OH (whoever that would be) who would have the baby, but literally over the last couple of months i've really started feeling like i want it to be me.

Maybe it's the magic 25! Looks like you've had the same as me, lol, guess i could always wait another 13 months til she hits the big 2-5 herself and see if the magic kicks in lol.

dkls i'm really not sure, unfortunately being a lady thats into ladies, you either end up in the extreme anti-sprogs camp or you go shopping for a turkey baster on the 2nd date lol.

I guess more than anything i can't stand being this broody and knowing exactly what i want, but not knowing if it will end up costing me the person i love most in the world........... oooo its tricky all this love and babies malarky *sigh*

pinkneonmartini

ps. i already have 2 dogs and a snake lol, its the OH that wants a cat

Spendless

JoolzS wrote: »

I think this is a fallacy that needs to be addressed. I don't believe for a second that "most people want children ...". Maybe a majority do, but not "most". I feel very fortunate to be one of the first generation who could say publicly that I don't want children. Having spoken to many people from an earlier generation I know that a lot of them would have made the same decision if it had been possible for them. My DH's mother would not have had children had she had a choice - unfortunately for her she had five of them, but managed to get each one to move out of the house at around the age of 16.

I'm slightly envious of people younger than me (I'm in my early 40s) who already know at a young age that they can choose to live their life childfree. I didn't know that was a possibility until I met my DH. I always presumed you met "the one", got married (or not), lived as a couple for a while, and then had kid(s). The only thing I knew was that I was fairly sure I only wanted to have one. If having none had been on the table from a young age - I'm fairly sure that's what I would have picked .

Julie

Did she really not have a choice? My 85 yo nan had just one sibling. She herself had just 2 children. FIL is an only child as is my own Dad (his only sibling died as a baby). I'm guessing these people 60's -80's are around your MIL's age.

Spendless

JoolzS wrote: »

I think this is a fallacy that needs to be addressed. I don't believe for a second that "most people want children ...". Maybe a majority do, but not "most". I feel very fortunate to be one of the first generation who could say publicly that I don't want children. Having spoken to many people from an earlier generation I know that a lot of them would have made the same decision if it had been possible for them. My DH's mother would not have had children had she had a choice - unfortunately for her she had five of them, but managed to get each one to move out of the house at around the age of 16.

I'm slightly envious of people younger than me (I'm in my early 40s) who already know at a young age that they can choose to live their life childfree. I didn't know that was a possibility until I met my DH. I always presumed you met "the one", got married (or not), lived as a couple for a while, and then had kid(s). The only thing I knew was that I was fairly sure I only wanted to have one. If having none had been on the table from a young age - I'm fairly sure that's what I would have picked .

Julie

Did she really not have a choice? My 85yo nan had one sibling, she had 2 children. My Dad and FIL are only children. I'm guessing these people would be around your MIL's age 60's-80's.

aliasojo

Were you drunk last night Spendless?

ElusiveLucy

As someone who always expected to have kids, but hasn't I find this subject quite difficult. I spent 14 years of my life with the guy that turned out to be a two-timing waste of time and our marriage ended (childless) when I was in my mid-thirties. At that point I had two choices - either go out and get pregnant and raise a child on my own or wait til I found another long-term partner. After two, subsequent failed 3-year relationships I found myself on the wrong side of 40 still with no kids. I do find this hard sometimes and have regrets, but there's not a lot I could do about it really, its just the way my life worked out. At 45, I've now been in a relationship with a guy for 2.5 years and he already has a child from a previous relationship so isn't bothered about the kid thing, but it still bugs me. Something I will have to live with and accept

Xaviera

pinkneonmartini wrote: »

:T well done, first one to spot it's 2 ladies lol

erm...... probably me, i always thought it would be my OH (whoever that would be) who would have the baby, but literally over the last couple of months i've really started feeling like i want it to be me.

Maybe it's the magic 25! Looks like you've had the same as me, lol, guess i could always wait another 13 months til she hits the big 2-5 herself and see if the magic kicks in lol.

dkls i'm really not sure, unfortunately being a lady thats into ladies, you either end up in the extreme anti-sprogs camp or you go shopping for a turkey baster on the 2nd date lol.

I guess more than anything i can't stand being this broody and knowing exactly what i want, but not knowing if it will end up costing me the person i love most in the world........... oooo its tricky all this love and babies malarky *sigh*

:rotfl:

I'd enjoy some 'just you' time with her and let her get broody, then she can make out it was all her idea to have a baby.

You've got years yet, no point in upsetting her, but I feel the not wasting your time on someone who doens't wnat kids thing.

ElusiveLucy wrote: »

As someone who always expected to have kids, but hasn't I find this subject quite difficult. I spent 14 years of my life with the guy that turned out to be a two-timing waste of time and our marriage ended (childless) when I was in my mid-thirties. At that point I had two choices - either go out and get pregnant and raise a child on my own or wait til I found another long-term partner. After two, subsequent failed 3-year relationships I found myself on the wrong side of 40 still with no kids. I do find this hard sometimes and have regrets, but there's not a lot I could do about it really, its just the way my life worked out. At 45, I've now been in a relationship with a guy for 2.5 years and he already has a child from a previous relationship so isn't bothered about the kid thing, but it still bugs me. Something I will have to live with and accept

You can still have a baby you know, but act now before it really is too late.

JoolzS

Spendless wrote: »

Did she really not have a choice? My 85yo nan had one sibling, she had 2 children. My Dad and FIL are only children. I'm guessing these people would be around your MIL's age 60's-80's.

I really do believe that she did not have a choice. From what I know of her (I don't know her very well) she would never have been comfortable talking about contraception with her husband, and he would have been just as uncomfortable discussing it with her.

My DH doesn't discuss it in detail with her, but from snippets I can guess that she and her husband (my father-in-law - dead before I even met my DH) had a healthy sex life, which meant children kept on coming.

My nan who, if she were alive now would be in her late 80s, only had two children - however I have absolutely no doubt that she and my grandfather only had sex for procreation and never for pleasure (devout catholic and other stuff that I know about them). I'm also sure that this is the case for most of our grandparents, and great-grandparents, and even parents if they were adults before the age of the contraceptive pill. My other nan had, I think, seven children and only stopped because her husband died!

I've also no doubt that some men and women got lucky in that they were in/sub-fertile which meant they could still have sex without it ending with more progeny.

I like living in this time - fertility can be controlled and I can be childfree by choice.

Julie