Clawing back - the second half

Lemon_Tree

thanks for noticing my achievement, no other thread of my own to celebrate it. strange thing is that before i achieved under £20k i was looking forwards to it, now it feels a bit like a damp squib. if you know what i mean.

Sun addict truth be told the novalty wore off a long time, but now i'm plodding on and desperately trying to keep in mind how close i am to the end of this journey, and trying not to slow myself down too many times like i did in Jan.

milann

Thanks - yes did see the post - just couldn't remember the name of it when I was typing the reply - senior moment LOL!!!!

I should be doing some planning but am procrastinating on here instead.

Better go

Milann

Claw_back_money

Hi all
Just finished a long day at work, tiring but productive.
MSE dept is ok, all my ebay items that sold on Sunday got paid for Sunday night, as did an outstanding item from the previous sunday, so one trip to the post office this week rather than 3 - very good. We finished the month in credit in the joint account, so now just battling the MBNA CC. I am going to pay all the ebay money in that direction, when it hits my bank account.

I am not a very happy bunny though - if you don't want to hear a sob story; pass to the next post!
Just been talking to DS2, who is 18, and at uni. He's also got aspergers. He's not managing money very well at all, and asked for some of Feb's allowance in January, having been back at uni just 11 days and managed to spend a ridiculous some of money, mostly I think on living the high life, beer and take aways.
I made arrangements to give him £20 on 22nd (next day) and £30 on 29th Jan. He has £5 left, some pasta and some bacon, to last 3 days. He only really has a co-op within walking distance (and loads of take aways). I offered help with meal & grocery planning - which we DFW excel at right (insert banned rolled eyes smiley here). But the thing that really made me unhappy was hearing that all of last week he lived on pasta and two jars of sauce, no breakfast or lunch. I said I didn't understand, as he'd had £20 on the friday and he changed the subject.
My friends with kids at uni say that you have to actually let them go hungry, a bit, before they work out that they really do have to manage with the money they have. That thought is fine for other people's children. I'm not coping with this very well at all!
I must say this never happened with DS1, (who is teetotal - sp?) and DD always ate well and just didn't pay her rent (banned smiley again).

Kids!
Cbm

Claw_back_money

Realilty check!

He has £5, and it only needs to last 3 days. Folk on this forum have fed a family for 50p, so actually that's plenty of money.

If I send him some money (which I really want to do now), it will not help in the grander scheme of things. He needs to apply the budgeting skills that he's had explained. (or have a lightbulb moment of sorts?)

And if money isn't going in the right direction (food), then more money won't help. Hmm, hamper? online shop delivered to him?

Biggest problem is, in the next week he will get a bursary from the university of £1K. That's a lot of beer, for a short time. The hamper might be needed later, when that has run out.

And other big problem is he's so far away. He can't come home for a weekend, and go back with a full tummy and a home-made cake after some TLC.

He's down in the dumps, not sleeping properly, and not eating properly. And the other side of the country.

Lemon_Tree

i don't know if you've said but where abouts is DS? maybe one of us could help

won't help you but when i was at uni, one tutor told us about someone who got their grant (yes the good old days!) and spent it on a huge stereo and ended up living off cerials and got scurvey - probably an urban legend but i think it was suposed to be our education in budgetting.

milann

What a dilema - it's bad enough when they are the other end of the country without the additional burden of Aspergers (from a mum's perspective) - I'd be very tempted to go for a basic supermarket delivery and e-mail a meal plan to encompass the food!! This would put your mind at ease that he wouldn't starve and if you kept it to basic food without extra treats wouldn't give him too much of an idea that mum will provide the treats.

What is he studying - I'm guessing some kind of computer based course????

How list dependent is he - would he stick to a meal plan and list if you gave him one or is he more flexible than that?

My friends son who has the same condition has recently won a couple of hundred pounds on the lottery - he lives independently with very occasional help from autistic society. Anyway he phoned his mum at his usual time - excited to say what he had bought ........TOILET ROLLS!!!!!! stacked floor to ceiling along the wall in his bedroom. A carer made a throw away comment about never having too many of them as it's something you wouldn't want to run out of!!!!! Typically - he took her literally and spent a good chunk of his winnings on them - just so he never runs out. He is very happy as he was genuinely worried about getting caught short without any. He did chuckle about never having to buy any again - he could well be right LOL!!!!

Scary the amount of cash some students can get through - my son was great - my daughter...... not so great and my cc's were flexed to near breaking point when she was at uni. It certainly had an effect on my bank balance - I'm still recovering - but can't blame it ALL on her but it certainly didn't help my situation.

Good luck with the decision

Milann

Sun_Addict

Hi Cbm

I can totally empathise with you and the frustration you're feeling with your son. Mine left home 3 years ago to move in with two of his friends and I still have to sort out his money for him. He gets paid weekly and every week I have to go into his bank and put his bill money away in his online savings account before he spends it all. I leave him plenty of money for food and beers in the pub, etc but he still manages to run out and ask me to take money out of his savings to tide him over. I can't believe the amount of money he can get through! I always lecture him and I've tried to give him advice about meal planning but it goes in one ear and out of the other. At least he does work though and is not asking us to bale him out. It must be so annoying for you when you're trying to spend less yourself and then having to give money to your son just because he's being reckless with it. I think if he's knows he can always fall back on you he won't try too hard to manage. You may have to be cruel to be kind - but then as a mother I know how hard that will be for you. Maybe an online basics shop so he's always got something in the cupboard would help?

Lemon_Tree

reading this, i have to do this each month for my hubby, i work out what is going out and tell him what he's got left to last the month. Still doesn't work 100% but it's a work in progress and we've only been married just over a year so a year's training hasn't gone too badly.

Sun_Addict

Lemon Tree - to be honest I do all mine and OH's finances he hasn't a clue how much anything is or where the money's going. I just give him a bit of cash to put in his wallet at the end of every month and he's happy - it's obviously a flaw in mens' genetic make up! I'm just waiting for a nice young lady with good money sense to take DS off my hands.

Poorbuthappy55

Hi CBM

I can imagine how you're feeling about your DS - my heart goes out to you because it's such a conflict of emotions worry crossed with anger. I'm not sure what the answer is.

My DD got paid £259 from her part time job on 26th January and by the following Sunday morning the 31st January it had all gone!!!! She needs shoes and a haircut and now she has no money at all it absolutely enrages me. next she will asking me for a pound for her bus fare to work grrrrrr. The big difference is she stil lives or should I say sleeps at home so I know she has access to food.

My neice has aspergers and if you gave her a lsit of meals and the ingredients she would stick to them like glue because she will follow a list to the letter. She is one of the loveliest people I know and very special to me.

Let us know what you decide to do because it may help us with future situations.

Take care

PBH x