The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread! Part 3

mollypolly

annberlin wrote: »

Hi folks thanks for the welcome it is much appreciated.To give an update OH is totally depressed feels that no matter how much he tries to reassure me that he loves this sort of thing happens out of the blue.Think he has had enough ready to throw in the towel.Dont blame him!!!! Dont want this to happen though. I am really going to try to have an AF day

Good luck for tonight annberlin.
I was the same with DH...No matter what he said or how reassured I felt, as soon as I had alcohol I would bring it all up again...starting arguments over silly things but always ending with me being really angry about what he had done.

Now, we have a lovely life together.He really does regret what he did ...but can't alter the past.
But I could alter the future by not drinking.

I wish you all the best
Love Mollypollyxxxx

annberlin

Thanks Molly Polly, it is good to know others have been through this too and come out the other end.I am really going to try tonight and maybe he will give me another chance.Thanks again

graemecarter

Miss_Piggy wrote: »

I think thats very true. I can have lager, cider, spirits in the house and it doesn't bother me. Wine, however, will never last more than a day or so. Hence why I don't have a wine rack....really no point!!

GC Your posts always make me stop and think. I know I'm fooling myself sometimes that my drinking is fine. In rare moments of honesty I'll admit it scares me to death that I find it impossible to just have one drink. Looking back I think I have always been this way. Drink wasn't used to "relax" or "unwind". It was used to get drunk. Pure and simple. Thing is, I'm the same with anything (definately an obsessive). Is it possible to change our whole personality??

Miss P
xx

Honesty and truth are very powerful, and were necessary for me to stop drinking. I kidded myself for years I had no problem, however the evidence told a different story.

You can change the parts of personality that makes you drink like that. However you really have to want to change, be committed, and be honest with yourself.
Eselt, Bismark, RecoveringAlcoholic, etc are proof that one can live a good and happy life without drinking.
They admit they have problems with alcohol, and thus can have a happy and successful sober life.
Those that battle it, as opposed to accept it, are going to always struggle.
If I accept something, I can change my reaction to it. If I don't accept it, then I will always hope that it will change, not me, and thus the cycle will continue

winebox

graemecarter wrote: »

I think it is extremely rare that someone can go from drinking in binges to drinking in moderation WHILST ENJOYING IT
If I ever was successful at moderation, it made me bl00dy miserable as I didn't want to control it.
For me, no drink was better than just 1 or 2 drinks.

That could be me speaking....it is me!

This is alcoholism , pure and simple.

Oh. Still not admitting it here

When I accepted I was an alcoholic (after more than a decade of trying to be a moderate drinker)

So I can prat about for another 8 or 9 years?

GC during that time of trying to be a moderate drinker, were AF days hard? Was alcohol on your mind all the time? Or were they quite easy but then when you had a drink the problems kicked in?

Just wondering. Still trying to work out my own head. Today I came from work craving nothing stronger than a cup of tea (just like wine really - I had 3 mugs in a row!!). There's a half-bottle of wine in the fridge from last night (fell asleep....), & I brought 3 bottles of really lush white home from work that someone got for me cos on offer, but they're still in the bag, haven't gone into the fridge. For some reason, today I'm just not bothered (I'm not hungover or ill by the way!). Mind you, I ain't taking any chances - those bottles are going to OH's house for my so-called social weekend drinking.

I suppose I'm (still!) trying to convince myself I don't have a serious problem. Yesterday I said I couldn't understand why I drink, now today I can't understand the complete absence of wine bells (thankful though!). I only started thinking about wine when reading all the posts about having it in the house. If only every day could be like this....

Ramble ramble!

winebox

Hi all,
Welcome Annberlin! Good luck for tonight. Hope I'll be af with you - 1st one since the 5th.

Miss P like wbf says I'm just like you, except I don't think I drink with the intention of getting drunk (do I?). I think I often know it's likely to happen, but that first glass or 2 is only about the pleasure of the taste & the relaxation. Then as GC so astutely points out, rationale goes out of the window....

Jo you are sounding so upbeat at the mo!

Fay I've been thinking about your dilemma with friends expecting you to drink....I wouldn't say I chose my friends because they drink but I suppose inevitably you fall in with a crowd that behaves the way you do; likewise with smoking. I've never put my friends to the test :rolleyes: but I'm quite certain that whilst they might be surprised (understatement of the year) if I wasn't drinking, they would never try & goad me into it. I'd have to watch that I didn't seem to be critical of their drinking, no raised eyebrows!! but as long as I behaved the same as usual (minus the slurring) I don't think the group dynamics would change. So as others have said, how true are they as freinds? (sorry, this must be painful for you). Things might not be as bad when you're actually there & they can see that you're such as much a fun person sober.

Hi to everyone else!!!!! So glad FUAS that things are looking up.

graemecarter

winebox wrote: »

GC during that time of trying to be a moderate drinker, were AF days hard? Was alcohol on your mind all the time? Or were they quite easy but then when you had a drink the problems kicked in?

Just wondering. Still trying to work out my own head. Today I came from work craving nothing stronger than a cup of tea (just like wine really - I had 3 mugs in a row!!). There's a half-bottle of wine in the fridge from last night (fell asleep....), & I brought 3 bottles of really lush white home from work that someone got for me cos on offer, but they're still in the bag, haven't gone into the fridge. For some reason, today I'm just not bothered (I'm not hungover or ill by the way!). Mind you, I ain't taking any chances - those bottles are going to OH's house for my so-called social weekend drinking.

I suppose I'm (still!) trying to convince myself I don't have a serious problem. Yesterday I said I couldn't understand why I drink, now today I can't understand the complete absence of wine bells (thankful though!). I only started thinking about wine when reading all the posts about having it in the house. If only every day could be like this....

Ramble ramble!

AF days were not hard - days I didn't drink I rarely thought about drink. However, if I had just one drink at lunchtime say, then the urge to have a few more after work was very strong.
If no-one was drinking, then I didn't mind. However, if I thought everyone was able to drink and I wasn't (like a Friday lunchtime at work if I couldn't get to the pub) then I really wanted to get out and drink.
The obsession started when I had a drink inside me - stopping at the point of moderation was very difficult. I liked to carry on drinking, even if I promised myself I wouldn't. I remember nearly missing flights because I wanted to stay in the pub!!

You may not have a serious problem now, but I know many people whose problems get worse. My alcoholism was steady for years, and then started progressing really quickly when things started to unravel.
You may not be alcoholic. I wasn't until I went to AA, and then I knew I was in the right place. I was a 'heavy drinker' , 'problem drinker' but never alcoholic. I was never going to get better and stop drinking until I realised that I was alcoholic, and powerless over alcohol.
I was in denial for years. Drinking heavily when I knew that I shouldn't be drinking like that just heaped on the self-loathing and anxiety. Eventually, alcohol stopped working, the fears were there even when drunk, and I had hit my rock bottom. I was desperate enough to seek help, and be truthful with myself. Then I could start getting healthy and recover.

annberlin

Thanks Winebox my thoughts will be with you.It going to be hard for me because OH is going around all day with the hang dog expression making me want to reach for the wine.Thank goodnes for this forum.I need to stay focussed and strong and not reach for my crutch.

fluffyb

Please put me down for 12 AFD's 40sm

I am off now as I won't be drinking tonight but will be enjoying a glass or two over over the weekend. Catch up with you Sunday or Monday x

Miss_Piggy_2

See,this is the thing I'm confused on (and thats not hard, trust me!)

I always figured an "alcoholic" was someone who drank every day, needed a drink to get through the day and drank to excess.

However, nowadays I suppose the idea has changed. For instance, I don't drink every day but when I DO drink I drink to excess. Those young kids you see on the new programmes binge drinking. Would they be classed as alcoholic?

I guess I'm trying to decide whether its better to be a "Binge Drinker", a "problem drinker" or an "alcoholic".And it DOES worry me that I fit under one or more of those headers.

Making my head hurt today....serious stuff when you get down to it.

WB - yes, that's me too. I LOVE that first glass or two..the relaxed feeling etc.But then I just carry on.I can't just stick with that one or two glasses. I think something short-circuits in my brain!!!!

Miss P
xxx

winebox

Oh dear I hope this isn't my fault but we seem to have come full-circle back to the debate about "labels", 'cos nobody wants to admit to being an alcoholic (well, that's true for me anyway). I guess the definitions don't matter, 1. you either drink too much or you don't, 2. you either recognise that fact or you don't, 3. you either want to do something about it or you don't, 4. you either can do something about it or you can't (I'm sure AA will soon be quoting that one! not).

I have to say yes to 1 & 2. I'm not sure between 3 & 4 though...is it becuase I don't want to enough that I don't try hard enough to cut down, or is it that in fact I can't but don't want to face that? Hmmmmm. I'll join you at confused.com Miss P.

Anyways, am not going have a drink now so finally make it to 6 AFDs please 40sm.

Hope everyone's doing OK this evening; be back later (no more pontificating, honest!)