MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

miss_socks

In my opinion I have worked hard for the money I've earned so why leave it to either of them. SPEND it all and have fun you deserve it:rotfl:

scrouge2

Poor Mick! I don't envy him! I would actually give neither of them any money, not because I am selfish (afterall it will be all theirs anyway when I die) but because life is a learning process and they need to learn. I would let Gavin learn from his mistakes (hopefully) and if he doesn't, then there is a price to pay. I have an eight yr old and a 5 yr old. I give them pocket money of £1.50 a week. Of this, they have to save a third which goes into the bank and they aware that it can only be used for an investment that will appreciate, the next third has to go for their living expenses (so they pay mum this third) and the last third they can spend on themselves. Any money they get from anyone, suffers the same fate. I hope this prepares them for eventual life. I learnt this from my sister in law gran, old Ethel Boyle who eventually lived in Mexico. Thank you Ethel for this valuable lesson of yours! It has worked for me!

allotment51

Help does not equate with handing over money. Guidance :money:in how to get out of debt and stay out of debt would be far more helpful. Children should always be treated equally.
He has earned the money therefore he should use it on himself and his wife - holiday/pension etc.

Gra

Help the boy by lending him the money and get him to repay 1/3 to his sister 1/3 back to you in aresonable time frame thus

• cutting his costs
• giving him a responsibility to repay money
• giving the daughter a bonus
• getting a bonus hard work deserves
• proving that you cannot treat all family equally the same at all times
• that family relationships are about putting in what you can an taking what you need
• creating a win-win-win end game

Petal12

When you have more than one child , they will always have different needs/wants/demands at different times. It is not right to always treat them all the same. You don't buy a son a dress because his sister has one. The money (&time &patience &everything else) should be given to the one who needs it most at the time. But beware - the more money you give to help out , the more they will want the next time. They need to be helped in other ways apart from just providing an endless supply of money. When we had had enough of helping one of our children financially, we would take her shopping and buy food etc, rather than just giving her money.

Coventry1

Cerisa wrote: »

Equally. If he doesn't help Stacey as well, Stacey will learn that being competent, intelligent and money savvy isn't rewarded, wheras Gavin will be bailed out yet again. the flip side to that is that it isn't good for Gavin either, because he will constantly feel infantilised - it'll stop him learning to be capable of sorting himself out.

This is a tricky one - in my family I am the Stacey and my sister is the Gavin. I wouldn't ask my dad not to help my sister, as she desperately needs it, but I get very frustrated that she gets the handouts and I don't. In an ideal world she'd learn how to manage money, but she doesn't need to while she's got a safety net! Dad is just as trapped too - he knows it doesn't help her long-term, but short-term she's his daughter, and she has to eat/have a roof over her head etc etc.

Coventry1

robpw2 wrote: »

i personally feel better about getting out of debt etc with my own money because then its an achievement to me

That's absolutely true as well - no-one said this was straightforward *sigh*

In fact, perhaps the best answer for all concerned is for the dad to spend his money on himself!

dolcelatte

Why didn't Mick bring his son up to respect money? If Mick just pays off the debt then chances are Gavin will just build up another mound of debt. Many people don't have the luxury of parents who are able to give cash handouts. What would he have done then? He's already had the pleasure of the return for the money he has spent. Now he can pay for it - himself. He's not a kid and should accept responsibility.

libertysurf

Giving money = nurture = love
not giving it = lack of love

Simplistic but that's how it looks to those who do not receive.
which leads to stunted communication and resentment - don't go there! Give equally or expect the family to fracture.

ioh

nefertare wrote: »

having been basically the one in stacey's position i think i can offer a bit more of a rounded perspective.

Twice my parents have bailed out my sister and once my brother. This has caused some resentment on the part of me and my older brother who have always been better with money. But my sister especially needed it, she was suffering from severe depression and in a terrible cycle of destructive behaviour - taking away the fear of bailiffs etc helped to get her in the position of holding down a great job and making a new start - i would never ever wish my parents had given me half that money. They help me where they can and it's not always money, dad helps fix my motorbike for free and is helping me find a good second hand car. They helped my brother through tough times at uni as well. We know that help is help regardless of what form it comes in. My sister needed financial help, we didn't - why would we take money off them if we weren't in dire need? Plus they were worrying themselves sick over my sister and helping her out has ensured that they can rest easier at night.

If gavin is at his wits end then yes the dad should do as promised. If however he is in a position to help himself, he's just to silly/lazy to do it, then there should be conditions attached to the assistance. Free handouts with no responsibility help no one.

well done you! This is a very sensible answer. Hopefully lots of siblings can relate to this!!!