MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

purplevamp

Give them an equal share. How would it make Stacey feel if her brother got it all? Just because she's worked hard and not got herself into debt doesn't mean she shouldn't get her "share".

dbfisokay

At the ages of 21 and barring any agreements which might have been made, Mick's financial responsibility for his children is long done. Any money he wishes to give them is an act of charity. Intuition says a father who is balanced in his love for his children will split the money equally if he wishes to give them it.

Choosing to give one more than the other has to be justified and on a surface glance at the dilemma presented, giving more to Gavin is built on the premise of financial irresponsibility and not giving to Stacey is built on the premise of financial responsibility. It's a strange episode if irresponsibility triumphs over responsibility. In fact it is highly irresponsible to enable it.

I'd suggest Mick looks at which option will actually benefit his children. At the end of the day he is considering giving them money for nothing - money is a transactable medium for a service or product. What is it they are actually serving or providing him with? Giving money for nothing is not a good example to set.

Ebenezer_Screwj

He should divide the money equally and advise his son that he will not be bailed out again.

morag111

No you give to both equally, your son will never learn if you keep bailing him out. Its like rewarding your son for being bad and punishing your daughter for being good. not a brilliant idea I would say.

sap1

This is a subject close to my heart at the moment, I have an 18 year old son who is away in the army, but he is constantly overdrawn and seems to think his bank card is just a constant flow of cash. We have helped him out no end over the last 6 months and he seems to take no notice with any advice given to him. I have been the one having all the worry and concern as I have never been in debt. I also have a 15 year old daughter who won't spend money unless it is necessary and saves sensibly, I have thought that since my son has been in the army that he sees us going away and spending on my daughter and that maybe he is jealous about what is being spent, if I am able to give any money I always give equally even though he earns more than myself and my husband put together. It is very hard to give to one without the other feeling left out but at the end of the day if they are both bought up to know the meaning of money if one decides not to take your advice there is nothing much you can do. I have had to inform my son that I am no longer able to help him unless he helps himself. At the end of the day they are both my children and I would be there for either of them if they needed my help but there comes a time in their lives when you have to let them grow up and sort things out themselves and it's only then that they can see what they are doing to not only themselves but the one who love them.

awehla

I think Mick should definitely give equal amounts of money to both kids. Why should Stacey be punished because her brother isn't good with money? I think Stacey and Mick should help Gavin to manage his budget in future.

awehla

sap1 wrote: »

This is a subject close to my heart at the moment, I have an 18 year old son who is away in the army, but he is constantly overdrawn and seems to think his bank card is just a constant flow of cash. We have helped him out no end over the last 6 months and he seems to take no notice with any advice given to him. I have been the one having all the worry and concern as I have never been in debt. I also have a 15 year old daughter who won't spend money unless it is necessary and saves sensibly, I have thought that since my son has been in the army that he sees us going away and spending on my daughter and that maybe he is jealous about what is being spent, if I am able to give any money I always give equally even though he earns more than myself and my husband put together. It is very hard to give to one without the other feeling left out but at the end of the day if they are both bought up to know the meaning of money if one decides not to take your advice there is nothing much you can do. I have had to inform my son that I am no longer able to help him unless he helps himself. At the end of the day they are both my children and I would be there for either of them if they needed my help but there comes a time in their lives when you have to let them grow up and sort things out themselves and it's only then that they can see what they are doing to not only themselves but the one who love them.

This will probably sound very naive as I don't know anything about people in the army but I would have thought your son wouldn't have to buy much and that the army pays for most things.

z4harry

We had this problem in our family. My brother (have you noticed it's always the brother) ran up debts of £12k and our dad had to bail him out. Now it is in our parents will; whatevers left needs to be divided equally but little bro has to give back his bail-out amount, that he's already had.

Mick .... this is a great solution.

tessipoos

I have three sons and their attitude to cash and savings differs immensely. My personal solution is "help them when they help themselves" Translated, a lazy layabout waiting for work to come his way gets no handouts; once he is actively trying to sort out his life then financial encouragement is ok (a reward almost) whether a gift or loan. The successful career climber who wants to take out a mortgage he can't quite afford gets a handout, but you have to make clear to the others that their day will come when they are in similar position. You have to be equal with them all but they don't all need help at the same time and they don't deserve help if they are sitting doing nothing and waiting for cash bailouts.

brightonman123

loan money to the one with debts, give repayments to the careful one, or put into a surprise fund.