MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

JParker

I have a friend who has bailed his daughter out twice and she is now again in debt to the tune of £25k. She will never learn whilst he continues to throw money at her.

This case is the same he should help his son with advice and perhaps pay off some of the worst debt, but he should be fair to both kids and on no account give the boy cash.

On_The_Cheap

I would give Gavin some money to help him out, but give stacey extra for being better at controlling her finances. I would then tell Gavin that if he were as careful as his sister he would be getting the same.
I think kids should be rewarded these days for being able to keep out of debt and put something aside for whatever/whenever. It's Sooooo easy for them to get credit cards, and go out and buy the latest fashions, I-phones, I-pods, I-I cherry pies etc, but they can't always pay it back, leaving them in severe debt for years.
I have a 17 year old daughter that purchased a new touch screen mobile phone on £40 contract with 1000 texts and minutes but still manages to run up £70 out of her allowance. ??????????????? How?????? Talking rubbish innit!!

Taffybiker

Ray_Loftus wrote: »

Simple.

Boy .... bad!

Girl .... good!

Punish him, reward her. Give daughter the lot and tell son to grow up and start taking responsibility for himself.

I am guessing you don't have children...

nancypearl

robpw2 wrote: »

i personally feel better about getting out of debt etc with my own money because then its an achievement to me

I totally agree.

nancypearl

Tali wrote: »

I appear to be in something of a minority here, but whatever happened to giving according to need? Today it's the son, but anothere day it might be the daughter. This is not to suggest that either is neglected in the other's time of need, simply that the balance will change over time. It would be very disappointing (and perhaps suspect parenting) if the children themselves didn't understand and respect that.

And it might never be the daughter and the son might 'need' to be bailed out again.

I suggest selling off all of his possessions, getting a second job to try and clear the balance. The father could match the repayments.

harryhound

I would challenge both of them to save for three months and offer to (say) double the amount saved.
Obviously the lad would be "saving" by paying down his debts.

I'm assuming here that there is not some underlying major problem (redundancy, drugs, pregnant girlfriend etc.) It is just the inability to make a plan and stick to it.

If he cannot cope himself here comes the bankruptcy - there is no point in throwing good family wealth after bad.

nancypearl

supermonkey wrote: »

a very interesting dilemma... i think they should be treated equally, but from experience, this often doesnt happen.

We don't have a lot, but we dont worry about paying the bills, but we have family who earn more and are constantly in debt. They definately get handouts and it is upsetting.

But thats how it is, i also know people who have had large debts written off... so in effect free money!

More than upsetting. It makes me feel that they love the other couple more. What have we ever done to deserve less favourable treatment? Don't they like us? Why don't they ever offer to do something kind for us?

nancypearl

I'll get me coat.......

dave2

Say it's 10,000.

Gavin & Stacy each get given £2,000.

At 3% interest, loan Gavin enough to pay off the credit cards. But he does this by giving you letters to post that repays the cards and also cancels them. He also completes a standing order form to repay Mick. The interest is important.

Once the loan is repaid you can give more money, split 50:50 between Gavin and Stacy. Don't tell the kids about this part of the plan! Neither sibling should know that Stacy is having to wait due to Gavin (even if she is getting a split of that interest), and also otherwise Gavin may feel incentive to hide any subsequent debt he gets into. If you feel bad about this at any point, remember you giving them free money is not something to be guilty about.

Gavin has a problem that needs sorting, having access to the cash right now means more to him than Stacy. He's also paying a lot of interest so repaying the cards is, ultimately, the route that maximises the total benefit of the money. But, using this method ultimately the money goes equally and - importantly! - Stacy is compensated for the wait with some interest.


I could rant about parents giving money unequally, but all I need say is it IS noticed and it DOES get counted.

mollyeyre_2

MSE_Wendy wrote: »

Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

If you constantly 'help out' financially then the son will never grow up and take his own responsibilities on board. So ... on TWO counts .... It is unfair to treat the 'children' differently, and also you are certainly not doing any favours to constantly prop up the one who cannot be bothered to sort himself out.