MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

englishmac

The description of Gavin’s problem (‘difficult credit card and overdraft debts’) doesn’t provide enough information to understand what he is facing. Is it a bit difficult to find the payments each month/pay the overdraft off? Is he experiencing financial hardship? Is he facing legal action and potential bankruptcy?

At the age of 21, he hasn’t had a lot of time to have ‘always been rubbish with money’. But he has had time to rack up enough debt to affect an important time in his life, and his future. As a parent it is very difficult for Mick as he is emotionally involved. He doesn’t want to see Gavin adversely affected, especially at a relatively young age.

From the wording of the dilemma, I am assuming that the promise to help Gavin out of difficulty is a direct consequence of the unexpected bonus. I am also assuming there are sufficient funds to pay all of the outstanding debt. But helping him out of difficulty doesn’t mean paying off his debts for him. I would give Gavin enough to bring his payments to a manageable level, given to him in monthly instalments to top up his own payments to meet his obligations. I would help him to reduce his debt within a reasonable time ie not paying off interest only each month perpetuating the debt. The monthly instalments would be dependant on Gavin destroying his credit cards and writing to the credit card companies informing them he is paying his debts off and will be closing the accounts when they are cleared. Part of the deal would be for Gavin to prove to me he has done this and he is making regular payments by showing me correspondence and statements. I would happily help him to draw up a budget. If Gavin fails to maintain the payments and reduce his debt, the help stops. When Gavin is able to make payments independently, whilst continuing to reduce his debt, again the help stops. This might sound draconian but it is Mick’s money, not Gavin’s. Mick is giving him sufficient help to repair his finances but he will still feel the pain – and hopefully learn the lesson – of getting himself into serious debt.

If giving to Gavin, Stacey should be given an equal amount.

Mar.cresham

Share the money your ment to love all your kids the same. By giving to one and not the other it could come over like you care for that one more.

dolcelatte

sap1 wrote: »

This is a subject close to my heart at the moment, I have an 18 year old son who is away in the army, but he is constantly overdrawn and seems to think his bank card is just a constant flow of cash. We have helped him out no end over the last 6 months and he seems to take no notice with any advice given to him.

He should be treating you with his fat army salary. This is tantamount to an abusive relationship between you and needs to stop!!!

MrsE_2

nancypearl wrote: »

As you can see. I feel really bitter about the whole money/siblings thing.

I'll get me coat.......

We have the same set up in our family.

My sister had was given 90% of the sale of my mums home. My mum, I & other sister had the rest.

After she spent that, it just so happens my mum had just sold another house & had a part share in it. My sister has had at least 70% of this money, the other 30% my mum has spent on herself.

When she was down to a couple of grand, my sister stole the rest (nicking the cash card).

At xmas she doesn't buy for us, no problem we are adults, nor our kids, young adults, BUT she does buy for sister, sisters daughter (shes a child) & sisters husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!?????????? She can't buy for her grandchildren but buys for daughters husband!!!!!!!!!!
This Ps me off big time.
You know the worst of it, this is nornal to her & she can't see any wrong in it:mad:

harryhound

I put my kids on a monthly allowance aged 14 & 16. Best thing I ever did.
("You had better keep accounts in this book - just in case you ever need to persuade me that you really do require some more. The annual pay round was like some sort of Union (of 2) pay claim")

No more nonsense about trainers and must have rubbish - "If you need that stuff get a Saturday job". They still handle money differently as adults but that is their choice and responsibility.

Clark58

Hello Again Friends,

To quote Lennon and McCartney… ‘I don’t care too much for money, ‘cause money can’t buy me love!’ And this one is more about Love than Money. As a matter of Love, Mick should, of course, make any gift he chooses to give to his children equal between them. The only thing which should be different here is the form in which the love takes.

Stacey is sensible with money, (one less worry for Mick), and by giving her an equal share he shows his love for her and at the same time rewards her common sense approach to life. God Bless Her and Good Luck to Her!

Gavin is, shall we say, fiscally challenged! Mick can show his love for Gavin by treating him equally in terms of the gift and at the same time educating the dear boy on how to manage his affairs. This may mean a bit of ‘tough love’. For example, Mick could make Gavin’s cheque payable to the credit card company or bank that Gavin owes money to. He could insist the credit card account is closed, or perhaps just invest Gavin’s share until he acquires the necessary skills to handle the money with maturity. Mick’s short-term unpopularity with Gavin will be more than compensated by his long-term good parenting and his equal Love for his kids. As for Gavin… God Bless Him and Good Luck to Him.

With Kindest Regards,

Clark58.

GIOL_Elmo

Its a difficult one, I am in a similar situation with me and my little sister. I have a great job, really nice flat which I've done up my self, cool car, nice holidays etc and a fab fiance but thats another thing. My little sister on the other hand has a job paying minimum wage, my parents pay for her car, insurance, flat, shopping etc and I am sure I don't even know the half of it. The thing is it bothers me occasionally but not other times, I wouldn't want to see my little sister living in a dump of a flat or in a terrible area. My parents can afford it and she is totally reliant on them, they can question everything about her life and she is answerable to them. I on the other hand am not, I can do as I want when I want and spend my money as I please.

So although it may help him out there will almost certainly be strings attached.

armoured-smiler

Pinky4ever wrote: »

Yes, of course Mick should share the money out equally, otherwise he's just teaching his son that it's ok to be rubbish with money, and punishing his daughter for being good with hers. I speak as a person who has one sibling who is absolutely terrible with money! Boys, huh!

Sorry I though you had to give all the money to the spender and not the saver. I mean I learnt this leason from the government :rolleyes: and wish I had spent rather then saved

ScousePiglet

I think that as long as you keep helping your son he will never learn the value of money
Rather put the money away for the 2 children and tell your son he has to sort out his own debts

loclnor

You should always treat your children equally.

Get your children together and tell them you would like to give them some money but it should be paid into their credit card accounts to help them pay any debts. Your son will give you the details of his credit card account and you write out a cheque for the amount you are giving them, whilst your daughter will probably say that you need only to write out a cheque for a certain amount as the amount she owes is less. (It might be a good idea to let her know you are going to do this beforehand, before the shouts of 'its not fair'). You write out a cheque for her credit card account but also write out a cheque for the balance to be paid into her current account.

The child that is not good with money will realise that his sister has money to spend and he has none to spare. Hopefully one day it will click that his sister has no money worries because she has been more thrifty.

Good luck