MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

WhyIsSavingSoHard

I've been helped by my parents in the past to clear small debts (a couple of hundred pounds at the most) and then owed them, but without interest. Mum would sit me down and go through my finances and we'd agree on how much I'd pay back each week. When I owed thousands on CCs and loans; rather than trying to bail me out with them, she lent me the money I needed to go bankrupt instead. It taught me a lesson as 5 years on I'm still struggling to get a bank/building society to let me have a debit card and can only have an ATM card. I've vowed to be (and am) better with money now and it's working.

So, in my opinion, even if Mick's promised to help pay Gavin's debts, he should instead insist they sit down together, work out Gavin's money and help him talk to those he owes money to to sort out a re-payment plan. It's the only way Gavin will learn. Mick can always put some money aside to give to both his children once things are sorted out for Gavin.

Handouts (in my opinion) are as bad as bank loans and credit cards. They don't help, they just make some people think money is free and their given right for the taking.

supermonkey

a very interesting dilemma... i think they should be treated equally, but from experience, this often doesnt happen.

We don't have a lot, but we dont worry about paying the bills, but we have family who earn more and are constantly in debt. They definately get handouts and it is upsetting.

But thats how it is, i also know people who have had large debts written off... so in effect free money!

Ruthie_W_2

Give the money to the Boy as a loan that he has to pay back. When it's payed back he can keep it and loan it to the Girl id she needs it. All children are not equal and have differnt wants and needs it is the man's business what he does with his money and neither of his children have a right to it.

sallylavell

I didn't realise this happened to anyone else. I have bailed my son out a million times as he is useless with money. His younger brother is so different and always has savings, he never asks for anything. I have never had to give him any money.

I feel really guilty for not giving as much to my younger son. But I am changing my car this year so have decided to give my old one to my younger son (It's only 3 years old). It is the only way that I can make up for all the money he has missed out on over the years.

God knows what I would do if the pair of them were the same

stars_bright

If the boy cant handle money then whats the point of giving him even more to waste? The girl doesnt need it so I think he should keep it for a family treat that they can all enjoy together

Taffy99

"Mick's ... promised to help Gavin out of difficulty"
You don't help people out of debt by giving them money (creating more debt).
At 21, they are both capable of being financially independent, and hence Mick should invest the money for the future / rainy day.

Mick should honour his promise to help Gavin with his debts - not by giving him money - but by spending time to work through the paperwork and options with him so that he can manage his debts now - and learn to manage money for the future.

2c

MrSoft

Is this case not the same as lazy layabouts who don't look for work claiming benifit, whilst the workers who pay their way are getting nothing?

Ray_Loftus

Simple.

Boy .... bad!

Girl .... good!

Punish him, reward her. Give daughter the lot and tell son to grow up and start taking responsibility for himself.

keet83

i dont have any children myself, however if i was in this dilemma then i would perhaps lend some money to the son with the rule he gradually pays it back; he's 21 and should learn to live by his own earnings otherwise he may never learn for the future. With stacey however, it depends on her age. i would maybe give them both some money between them as a gift but not all of it.

North_London_girl_2

Mick should share the money equally between them. It would be ridiculous to reward his son for being bad with money and penalise his daughter for being savvy. He should also try to teach his son to manage his money better perhaps by making a deal that he gets half the money now to help him get out of debt and another half once the son has worked to pay the rest of his debt off. If Mick continues to bail his son out then his son will never learn the value of money and the hard graft involved in becoming debt free!
Phew. Rant over.