MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

squidworth

Split it 3 ways, between the father and the two children. Assuming its safe to do so the son will simply have to learn by his own mistakes.

Personally my two kids, boy and girl, know that it balances out and it can be age related etc and they are extremely happy in that. I once went out with someone who made a point of insisting that their two kids had the same spent on them, the result being the two kids would head straight for the argos catalogue on christmas day to check to see who had the most resulting in endless arguments and an over-emphasis on what they had spent on them.

The greatest gift you can give a child is attention and money is no substitute

ThinkingOfLinking

I'd say that the money should be shared equally. Why penalise the daughter for the son's problems?

The father is still helping the son out, as promised, and he can sit the son down and go through his finances with him, to help the son save the remainder of the money he needs to repay his debts, and it also teaches the son he's not the only consideration for his father and to be more responsible in future.

Tali_2

I appear to be in something of a minority here, but whatever happened to giving according to need? Today it's the son, but anothere day it might be the daughter. This is not to suggest that either is neglected in the other's time of need, simply that the balance will change over time. It would be very disappointing (and perhaps suspect parenting) if the children themselves didn't understand and respect that.

A.Jones

Give the money to the son, to help him clear his immediate trouble (assuming it is serious). But on the understanding that he puts into action a plan to start saving so that the father can be paid back. He can then gift some money to the daughter.

I cannot believe the attitude that the daughter is "punished" if she does not receive a gift of money. Parents provide many different gifts to their children through life. Maybe she has benefited in other ways from her parents, that her brother has not. She knows her father can make a difficult decision to help one child in need rather than split the money equally when one child needs it and the other does not. Who knows, in future she may need help in a different way when the son does not. For example, if in future she is going through a bad divorce, should the son demand equal amounts of time, love and support with their parents during this time, otherwise it would not be fair if they choose to spend time with her and not him?

jaynebun

Definitely equally! If he gives it all to his son then he'd be rewarding him for his bad habits, and penalising his daughter for being careful!

He should help his son manage his money better and get a repayment strategy in place. His dad should give his advice and support so that his son can move on and put his debt behind him.

I've been brought up that we should all be treated equally - and I think that's how he should treat his children.

Why should his son get it all just to clear his debts because he's spent all his money and other people's? Not much of a lesson to him is it?!

wynter-rose

you give both equel amounts its not fair to penalise the daughter just coz she better with her money. i wouldnt expect my mum and dad to pay off my debts he got himself into it he can get himself out of it and with what he dose get that can go towards paying off

Kate73

You don't have to give at the same time...but make sure you keep a record of what you give/lend your son and then equalise this at some point when your daughter needs it. This is what my family have done. I have a sibling who was less organised with money and not helping out is a way to get them to learn.....no consequences usually means it keeps on happening. I was let into a secret by my younger brother....when boys are a certain age they do things badly so others will help them out and not make them do it!! As long as they are bailed out they keep on doing the same thing. Simple psychology. To really experience consequences brings change. Hard to do as parent but skills them in the long term, helping them out just de-skills them.
thanks
K

Losinmoney

Tali wrote: »

I appear to be in something of a minority here, but whatever happened to giving according to need? Today it's the son, but anothere day it might be the daughter. This is not to suggest that either is neglected in the other's time of need, simply that the balance will change over time. It would be very disappointing (and perhaps suspect parenting) if the children themselves didn't understand and respect that.

I agree. I would discuss it with Stacey first. If she agreed (and she might surprise us by doing so) then I would help Gavin as promised. If she didn't, I would tell her I would try to even up the balance later, and mean it. There might be reasons for Gavin's situation apart from !!!!lessness. Is he in work, is he trained for as good a job as Stacey, is he as practical, or as mature? He might not want to discuss the details of his debts - after all, who wants to reveal quite how much money they waste on stupid things? But I would suggest helping him do a sensible, not excessively frugal, budget then would leave it up to him and never never nag, however hard that was. After all, we all fritter our money sometimes, even us Moneysavers! I try not to, but then perhaps it's why my ID on here is Losinmoney!!!!

missbutterflyblue

Don't give it to either of them! If one child is in difficulty, then loan it to them, and agree the terms of the loan up front. This way, he'd have the money to be able to help Stacey in the future if he needed to.

The 'help' promised that way is double assistance - the money needed to plug the gap, plus lessons in how to manage and repay debt.

dfw1000

Why not give half the money to the son and loan him the other half( repayable directly to his sister in manageable monthly payments).
That way the son will be free of extortionate cc rates. and both children will eventually recieve their share. This should however be discussed with the daughter first to ensure she is happy with the arrangement.