MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

DKLS

Neither, keep the cash for a holiday. Kids wont learn a thing from hand outs.

robpw2

julieflicker wrote: »

Always treat children exactly the same - if you want your kids to love you! Even if they don't tell you, they WILL NEVER forget you treating their sibling differently like this. My philosophy is to help each child when they need it, making sure that in the longer term they both get the same. I explain this to them as and when it happens and they have no doubt, if one has it, the other will get it when they need it. So if there's no chance of being able to give them help later on - just split it now. Help the son by taking partial control of his finances (in other words, get access to his accounts so you can watch what he's doing, don't take over completely or he'll never learn) and if he won't let you do that, he doesn't want help!

the beatles say it better than i do when they say" Money can't buy me love"
i for one would hope that my parents gave the money to the one who needs it the most

i personally feel better about getting out of debt etc with my own money because then its an achievement to me

JMW77

If that was my kids i would help the son out of his debts ,cut up his credit cards etc as long as he has learnt from his mistakes,and promises he ghas learnt his lesson and agrees to start saving where possible.
I think the daughter would understand that her father would help her if the need ever arose if he was in a position to do so!

I hope my kids would see it that way!

DrScotsman

I would give each child ONE chance in their adult life. One chance for what's their fault that is.

So if he hasn't before I'd bail Gavin out, but swear to never again. Or maybe even loan him the money.

relaxtwotribes

...Mick has already made a promise to help Gavin out and knew that the extent of that help would leave him with nothing left for Stacey. Ergo, by giving some of the money to Stacey would have left Gavin still in difficulty.
The answer is to fulfil his promise to Gavin and to make another promise to Stacey to be funded out of future income. If that is difficult for Mick, then tough, he should have been more cognisant of the consequences of his actions.

Nefertare

Having been basically the one in Stacey's position I think I can offer a bit more of a rounded perspective.

Twice my parents have bailed out my sister and once my brother. This has caused some resentment on the part of me and my older brother who have always been better with money. BUT my sister especially needed it, she was suffering from severe depression and in a terrible cycle of destructive behaviour - taking away the fear of bailiffs etc helped to get her in the position of holding down a great job and making a new start - I would never ever wish my parents had given me half that money. They help me where they can and it's not always money, Dad helps fix my motorbike for free and is helping me find a good second hand car. They helped my brother through tough times at uni as well. We know that help is help regardless of what form it comes in. My sister needed financial help, we didn't - why would we take money off them if we weren't in dire need? Plus they were worrying themselves sick over my sister and helping her out has ensured that they can rest easier at night.

If Gavin is at his wits end then yes the Dad should do as promised. If however he is in a position to help himself, he's just to silly/lazy to do it, then there should be conditions attached to the assistance. Free handouts with no responsibility help no one.

taurus0505

scotsbob wrote: »

Obviously give it all to Gavin, the female child will just waste it on shoes and hairdos and nails and stuff

:mad: DO NOT give it to the "MAN" as he is a waste of space, if he has wasted his money then let him stew in his own troubles.Give all the money to the sensible girl and let her give her brother money for a pint now and again.
Women are more sensible even if they do buy shoes :T

joannie

He should divide the money equally. My partner has two daughters, one who handles her money as best she can and the other who is rubbish. He has helped the rubbish daughter out with money, handouts etc and still she is in a mess and wants more. It is totally unfair on one child to keep helping the other.

duchy

As he was going to help Gavin out anyway -before the unexpected windfall-then he should stick to the original plan and help him for the same amount he had previously decided-and regard the windfall as an opertunity to help Stacey to the same extent which he presumably couldn't do before.

Now the question of IF you are helping your kids by paying their debts off........is a whole nother thread

therixonator

I don't think being money savvy is a skill that people are born with and some people aren't. With this site and the internet anyone can do it, it's just a case of whether you can be bothered or not. Being good with money is something that will affect you your whole life, saying you've never been good at it is no excuse, and getting something now when you can't afford it instead of saving and then taking handouts from your parents whilst your sister gets nothing is wrong.

I would go completely the other way and give it all to Stacey. Money makes money. The "help" Gavin will get is a very important lesson in life.

Once Gavin has got himself off the floor then I would give him exactly the same.