The ultimate incentive worked! Now onto phase two

Birdie85

Ooooh, your MIL sounds like a right piece of work! I think she's just bitter about NIM growing up and making his own decisions... and realising that there is more to life than money. I don't care how you feel about someone, you don't say such horrid things to their face, 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!'.
I think you should do the clothes making course, it sounds good! I'd like to do something like that, my Mum made all her clothes when she was younger (she even made her wedding dress and her bridesmaids dresses!) and I think that it is a skill that is dying out. I used to make Barbie clothes but that's where it stopped for me, my Mum's sewing machine is too old and complicated for me so I've never bothered using it!

Tete_en_l'Air

God Dinah. I have to admit I always thought you might be exagerrating a bit about NIM's mother but if they are actual quotes she sounds like the most shallow and vulgar person I've ever heard about. I think the Maggie Thatcher comment and the money comments go hand in hand, and as for the personal stuff she said about you I don't know how you stayed put and frankly I'm disappointed in NIM that he let her speak to you like that. I know if I were you my first instinct would be to never set foot in the country again but that's probably what she wants so you and NIM just keep working at your relationship and stay as happy as you are, and go over to Ireland showing a united front. God, what a cow! And your teeth are fine honestly. We all have little things we don't like about ourselves (I hate my big nose) but if we changed them we wouldn't be ourselves anymore, and no-one else notices anyway. Except for people who are really insecure in their own lives which I think is the root of everything here. My blood is actually boiling for you my dear!

The dressmaking course sounds amazing - do it

Poolie

I am sorry to say it NIM but your mother is a right piece of work - poor Dinah having to sit through that torrid for 3 days.

Tete - Did you get a look at the spreadsheet? If not, let me know which cars your looking at and I will do some of work for you if you want.

Dinah93

Well if either of the Northern Contingent fancy joining me in the amazing dress making course ...

The conversations aren't word for word but they're damn close! I figure I'm going to keep turning the other cheek until she sees I'm not going anywhere and she can be as rude as she likes, for as long as NIM asks me to go there, I will. I know NIM tried to stand up to her Tete, but to be honest yes I feel a bit let down too that because she got emotional about it, I still got left painted as the bad guy and her as the innocent mother. The fact that she keeps going on and on about 'just remember I'm the only woman in your life who doesn't have an agenda' is very hurtful, and untrue, I've told NIM I will accept him no matter what he does or earns so long as he is honest with me and is making an effort, I couldn't handle him doing nothing, and I wouldn't put up with him lying. I know he wouldn't put up with me lying either, but she lies about me, and he knows it, and she gets away with it. I'm sad again now.

Dinah93

Luckily it was only 3 hours with her, the other 3 days were with his friends, dad and grandparents, all of whom are lovely to be around and apart from the intense concentration required to understand some of them, are easy to get on with.

Raini

Hi Dinah, I read your last diary & have been popping into this one every now & again but just wanted to say well done on keeping your dignity with the MiL. :T Can't have been easy! She's shocking! :eek: Talking from a professional perspective (I work in a psychiatric hospital!) your MiL sounds very scared & very insecure. She sounds terrified of loosing NIM & to make such a nasty personal comment she must think some pretty grim things about herself! I am very sorry to say that there probably will be no way to win with this lady (I use the term loosely!) as she will need to change first. The only thing you can do is try to not let it affect you as much as possible & ask NIM to keep defending you where he can.
When dealing with snobs I always find "Well, I guess it depends what you value." line works quite well. Sorry you had a rubbish time though! (I like the moral high ground! )

wendz86

The dressmaking course does sound like a good idea. My sister did textiles at uni so is really good at that sort of thing, although she never has time to makea nything for herself as she works knitting samples to sell to designers so spends all her time doing that. I would love to get her to do my wedding dress.

Snow_White_5

Oh Dinah, I just read about your MiL - she sounds like she's eaten up with envy and bitterness. She's probably jealous of you, not just because her son moved away to be with you, but also because you're happy, independent and your own person. She sounds like she cares too much what others thnk about her (e.g. that her son can't be seen driving a tatty car).

I had a 'friend' who used to speak to the rest of us like this. I coudn't work out why she was always so nasty as she had a good life and lovely family herself. My dad, being older and wiser, said it was obvious that she was simply insecure. She always picked on areas in which we, her friends, were 'more successful' e.g. if you got better marks than her she called you a swot, if you had a nice boyfriend and she was single you were the 'boring' one, but if she had a boyfriend and you were single you were 'on the shelf'.

What it all seems to boil down to is that some people, when they feel threatened or outdone, try to make themsleves feel better by bringing others down.

It's understandable that you're upset, but try not to show it (to her) as she'll have got what she wanted then.

If you can, try and pity her instead of hating her - it won't make you feel as mad.

Flower08

Ooh im so excited!! Our tickets for our holiday have just arrived!!

Tete_en_l'Air

Wise words from Snow White and Raini there.

Dinah93 wrote: »

Well if either of the Northern Contingent fancy joining me in the amazing dress making course ...

I do actually, but there are a few things holding me back - do you have to pay all at once? When does it have to be paid? And does one need a sewing machine?

Poolie, nope haven't had much of a chance to look properly yet I'm afraid. I was sort of seriously thinking about getting a loan (I know! ) for the 500 after OH made some 'you can't take it with you' comment, but I spent a bit of time on the website yesterday and can't believe how much extra you have to pay for aircon/pretty colour/sunroof etc ... the £6,300 price tag I was looking at is for the very most basic baked bean tin on wheels. I need to sit and have a proper look at home, it's no good trying to look inconspicuously at work :rolleyes: I have found out that it seems to be in the £35 tax band though which is something in its favour, but then I read somehwhere else that it consts about £300 to service and of course if you don't it voids the warranty ... am I better off with my banger?