Estranged from parents, mother has passed away.What to do about funeral?

LilacLillie

I will also have to face this situation in the very near future.
My mother is in her 70's and hasn't taken care of herself, so I don't think she will make 'old bones'.
I'm pretty sure I won't go to the funeral, she doesn't want to have contact with me in life and that's what matters.
When you are dead its a bit late to try to make any amends.
LL

patchwork_cat

JC9297 wrote: »

Why do people resurrect an ancient thread for no apparent reason? Drives me mad when I sit reading the thread for ages before realising that it's ages out of date.

It really annoys me, too. I have commented before for people to say oh it's fine, but it really irritates me. Is it a new form of trolling, I wonder, the resurrector laughing at all those who say oh i'd go etc.
!

carolan78

I've not read it all so sorry but I wanted to give you the view from the of a relative. When my Nanna passed away she hadn't spoken to one of her daughters for a number of years. This daughter actually ignored a plea for help from the sheltered housing when they thought my Nanna had, had a nasty fall and they couldn't get into her flat or locate my Mum for the spare key. My Aunty ignored this and refused to go with them to her flat. It turned out she had only fallen asleep and her hearing aid had fallen out so she didn't hear them.

Fast forward about 5 years and my Nanna became viably worse everyday. My Aunty was kept updated but never once visited, then the day came. We phoned her when we were at the hospital (and if my Nanna was in hospital you knew it was the end she refused point blank to go in and no matter how ill she was she would send ambulance men away once she was aware they were there). My Aunty refused to come even though we said when the machines went off that would be it.

I helped to make the funeral arrangements and to avoid millions of flowers (we have a huge family) we agreed to get 3 seperate ones, one from her children, one from grandchildren and one from her great grand children and we would all chip in. Again my Aunty didn't wish to take part. Morning of the funeral came and we we're all shocked to see her outside my Mums house waiting for the car to arrive. Some of the family we're annoyed given her actions but in all honesty most of us just got on with our own grief safe in the knowledge that she had to deal with whatever she may regret if anything at all.

She came to the wake too and that was fine and all went smoothly. So from a relatives point of view if you really feel you may need to say goodbye no matter what your relationship was like then go. She was your mother no matter what has happened in the past and who knows this may salvage a relationship with the rest of your family if that is what you wish.

carolan78

Oops do I feel like a fool now! I didn't realise it had been resurrected, that will teach me to look at the post date before I reply.

aliasojo

January20 wrote: »

I suppose people do it by accident, don't they? I suppose they search the forum for a specific subject and then don't check the date.

I always find it very suss when a newbie bumps an old thread, especially on a subject that is based on emotion and not one that is seeking factual info that will be standard and not likely to change.

Most genuine newbies wont know to search and those that do should know a 2 year old thread is very much out of date and they should really start a new one if they want to discuss a particular topic.

All imo of course.

Apologies if I'm judging this particular newbie unfairly.

Pollycat

carolan78 wrote: »

Oops do I feel like a fool now! I didn't realise it had been resurrected, that will teach me to look at the post date before I reply.

carolan78
You spent time and thought posting your own experience in the hope and belief that it might help the OP.

For me, that's another reason why I don't like old posts being resurrected.

Thanks for sharing your story with us, though - and please don't feel like a fool. there's no need at all.

DVardysShadow

aliasojo wrote: »

I always find it very suss when a newbie bumps an old thread, especially on a subject that is based on emotion and not one that is seeking factual info that will be standard and not likely to change.

Most genuine newbies wont know to search and those that do should know a 2 year old thread is very much out of date and they should really start a new one if they want to discuss a particular topic.

All imo of course.

Apologies if I'm judging this particular newbie unfairly.

In this case, I think the bump from the newbie was entirely legitimate, it was their answer to the dilemma faced by the OP back in 2009 and despite being 'out of time', if these threads are a useful resource to look back through, then the post does add something.

Newbies very often do use the search and cause annoying bumps by dragging up a thread from years ago and post their problem which really could be dealt with by a fresh thread and avoid the need to read through a very different problem which shares the same keywords but has been done and dusted. Or post their own problem in the middle of an active discussion about someone else's issue.

aliasojo

DVardysShadow wrote: »

In this case, I think the bump from the newbie was entirely legitimate, it was their answer to the dilemma faced by the OP back in 2009 .............

I don't particularly agree with you on this point, but that's the beauty of the internet. We can hold (and offer) alternative views.

However, if I am wrong, I'm happy to accept I'd misjudged this particular bump.