Estranged from parents, mother has passed away.What to do about funeral?

whattodo?_6

I haven't spoken to my parents on a regular basis for many years. I tried a few times over the years since my children were born, but nothing ever came of it. My parents are just the same as when I was young - thought I should have done better for myself, always though things had to be done their way, were more worried about what outsiders would think than what their family needed, weren't any help with the kids, would call me swear-words in front of the kids, the list goes on but basically I stopped contact and have been more or less been h appy with ther decision ever since.
I'm ashamed to say I didn't miss them, didn't need them for anything and found it much easier to get on with living a happier life without the strain of trying to get along simply "because it's family".



However, I found out my mother passed away yesterday. Now I'm torn in two whether I should attend the funeral or not.

If I go, I'm not sure what good it would do anyone. Will I regret it if I don't go?

Should I just send flowers but not attend?

I'd really appreciate the input from people on here, I know some people have been in similar situations with being estrasnged from their parents, has anyone been in the same situation as this, and what did you do, I don't want to have any regrets. At this moment I'm leaning towards not attending, but tbh I'm still a bit shocked that this day has finally come.

searching_me

hi i also dont have any contact with my parents but i wouldnt know for sure what id do if i was in the same position ... do what you feel is right if you want to go but dont feel you want to draw attention stand in the background where no one can see ... this is your way of saying goodbye to your mother even if you didnt get on in life .. whatever you decide i hope you feel at peace with it x

whattodo?_6

I know where the funeral is likeyl to take place, there isn't really a dark corner to hide in.:o I'd be spotted if I went, but really I know I shouldn't care about what others think of me!

shopndrop

Sorry to hear your news.
I think you should just go with your own instincts. If it feels right then go, otherwise you may always regret it. However, why not wait a couple of days before deciding - your emotions must be quite raw at the moment.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.

POSSETTE

Dont give a damn about others..if you feel you should go,then go.I am not in your position,but my motto is..when your on your death bed,regret the things you did,not the things you didnt...I would go to it.You can regret it later if it gets nasty, but you will never get the chance again..if you dont go..you will prob play it over in your head for years wishing you had.
I feel for you in this position...good luck.

endure

Go and say goodbye to your Mum. As time goes by you'll forget all the bad things about her and remember the good and you'll regret it if you didn't make the effort to say goodbye.

squidge60

well i am going to put another angle on it and say you knew this day would come i havent seen my parents for many many yrs and my father died 3/4 mths ago i could have seen him before but didnt want to!bottom line you made the choice to shut them out so why beat yourself up over the funeral,so many people have only nice things to say when a person dies why what ever you choose i hope you are happy with that choice but make sure you go/dont for the right reasons for you and the choice you make you find easy to live with and i do sympathise i have cried many tears i dont want to but i think its for what could/should have been.x

bandraoi

I reckon if there's doubt in your mind, you should go.

If when you get there you realise it's the wrong thing to do then you can leave.

NAR

Is your attendance going to cause upset or bad feeling? If yes, then personally I wouldn't go, but would visit the grave later in the day on my own. If not, and you want to say goodbye, then go.

elainew

If it was me then no i wouldnt go. If you want to do something then why not go to the grave afterwards and have a chat with her in your own way or just sit and think at the time of the funeral

Stephb1986_2

You have every right to go to the funeral no matter what anyone else thinks. She was your mother she gave birth to you she brought you up, no matter what happened in the past nothing can take that away.

If you feel up to it you should pay your last respects, if you don't you will probably regret it.

I hope you make the right decision for you.

Good luck, thinking of you at this sad time

Steph xx