Estranged from parents, mother has passed away.What to do about funeral?

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

I'm sorry for your loss.
Without going into detail I've been in almost the exact position as you although my siblings prevented me from going to the funeral.
I would say that if you can go to your mums funeral,do so.With any death you need closure and this will help you.I wish I'd had the chance,believe me.

whattodo?_6

Organised flowers to be sent to the funeral yesterday.

I'm veering towards going, have arranged time off work, so I can still back out at the last minute if it doesn't feel right.

Thanks again for all your thoughts, it really helps to have other people's take on this sad situation. I say 'sad' situation because I do believe it would be a wonderful thing if we all got on with our families, and I do harbour some resentment that I wasn't one of the kids who had a 'normal' childhood, but then I look at my kids and the way we parent them, and they are wonderful,happy kids who haven't missed out by not having access to my parents. Yes, I do wish they had a granny and grandpa like other kids do do, who spoil them and spend time with them and sneak them sweeties, just like grandparents should, but in this case half a loaf would not have been better than none.

I know time is a great healer, and I am feeling less bitter as time is passing. At the end of the day any problems we have can't ALL be blamed on not having perfect parents. I do know it's the only job we'll ever have we're guaranteed not to do 100% right.;)

Wish the next week could be over and I could get back to being my ordinary contented self.:o

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

Good luck whattodo,whatever you decide to do.
Hope everything goes ok with you.

squidge60

thinking of you x

choille

All the best - whatever you decide.

X

Kandipandi

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.
Let us know how you got on - whatever you decide to do.
I havn't spoken to my Father for over 9 years now and this day will come for me and I have asked myself your question so many times.

((((((Hugs))))))

Pee

I could well be in your position one day, and my thoughts are with you.

I think I could only attend the funeral if my thoughts were that I was sad that she had died, sorry that I had not managed to live up to her expectations and make her happy albeit not sorry that I had made my own choices in life and done the best for me... so effectively sorry for what was impossible.

I don't know if your father will be any different now he is on his own. People do change, and a poor father can sometimes make a good grandfather.

Did your mother dislike your OH? If so, I think it is inappropriate and disrespectful to take him to the funeral.

Wishing you all the best.

LouBlue

Kandipandi wrote: »

I havn't spoken to my Father for over 9 years now and this day will come for me and I have asked myself your question so many times.

((((((Hugs))))))

Its been 14 years since I saw my dad, he made my dear mum's life hell when she was married to him (she has since passed away). Me and my 2 sisters feel no need at all to go and 'say goodbye' when the time comes. Though it hasn't happened yet, so will wait and see.

Thinking of you OP. x

Kandipandi

LouBlue wrote: »

Its been 14 years since I saw my dad, he made my dear mum's life hell when she was married to him (she has since passed away). Me and my 2 sisters feel no need at all to go and 'say goodbye' when the time comes. Though it hasn't happened yet, so will wait and see.

Thinking of you OP. x

I sometimes think that my Dad died years ago (the daddy i adored and worshipped) and the man who is left is not my dad but a stranger and I have already grieved terribly for my daddy so there would be no point in going to the funeral and grieving for a stranger.

ailuro2

I'm in a similar position, not seen my parents for years. Father died eariler this week, so I'm going to the funeral, but will be in the back row and will hopefully be able to make a swift exit out the door as soon as it's all over.

I said my goodbyes a long time ago, this is just the last one.

Strange how bitterness ebbs away after they are gone.