csa babies dad

lilabeth_2

um sorry 2 cause arguements between u all lol

jpmummy

you haven't love, just wish you and you little one all the best for your future. This is a public forum and as such everyone has a different view. I just hope all goes well you x

Teahfc

overthehills wrote: »

Well, there was another choice which if taken, would have enabled the Op to go back to work. She CHOSE not to take that option.
2 things I hate are;
1 deciding whether a child should have anything to do with the other parent who actually contributed in conceiving this child.
2. Parents who use the CSA as a "source of income" when all else fails.
There are indeed many emotional reasons people use the CSA.

"I want to apply for it I just don't want him seeing my daughter. I might sound like an money grabbing B***H, but he didn't bother when I was pregnant or when she was born so I don't see why he should come into her life now."

Then, you really, really should have thought about that before you opened your legs so to speak!
He may not be any good for your child at all, lord knows there are waster parents out there, but who made you God in the decision whether your child has a father in her life?

I think if the father wanted to be part of the Child's life then in the first 15 months of her life he would have made some attempt to either get contact or make a contribution to the upkeep of her then he has decided.

Wow you are quite narrow minded and judgemental of the OP. As for the comment about opening her legs I find that quite offensive to her in its terminology. Although I am a law abiding tax paying British citizen if I got into trouble and had you on the jury would fear the worse for sure :eek:.

May I suggest you swap newspapers from the Daily Mail for a few weeks and realise that not everyone is tarred with the same brush

overthehills

I think you have to understand that there are many men who even when living with the woman who has just had their baby, they have little do do with it. Fact. Men are not maternal in the same way women are. Fact. How do we know the father wanted to be part of the babies life? We only have a one sided version don't we, and we all know there are two. I am most defo not narrow minded. I've seen many mothers and am directly involved with "one of those mothers" who wanys the money but refuses access so I know all about "those types"
I lived with an alchoholic and a bully too so I have/had every reason to stop my kids seeing their dad, but that was due to hate for him not what was in the best interests of my children.
The op said she was worried if she claimed money, the father may want somethin g to do with the child. Whether he's had nothing to do with it for 15 months doesn't really matter. Let's face it, what men know what to do with a young baby? She then went on to say that if she got any money, she'd put it in a bank account for the child yet in the same breath was saying she is trying to go to uni, run a home and can't posssibly fit a part time job in all around that. Why not? Millions of people do.
My final comment would be this. I'm not judgemental at all. I look at both sides of the picture, something many here don't.
You have a nice day now.

scooby1001

If you REALLY DON'T want your ex in yours daughters life then i think you would be unwize to ask for maintaince off him. From personal experience i have found that asking for and getting maintaince just keeps the other person in your life and possible problems that brings with it.

I do believe that should you want maintaince then you SHOULD allow him to see his child on a regular basis if that is what he wants as it is wrong to take this money but not allow access.

The dwp can't make you apply for child maintaince as all that went oct 08, it is now totally up to you what you do and you will not have your money reduced if you refuse so take no notice. I just think you have a moral issue here.

pd001

overthehills wrote: »

Then, you really, really should have thought about that before you opened your legs so to speak!
He may not be any good for your child at all, lord knows there are waster parents out there, but who made you God in the decision whether your child has a father in her life?

Pretty disgraceful comment really!!

xmaslolly76

Can i speak from the point of view of a child with an alcoholic parent. I was raised by Grand parents but had constant contact with my mother who was an alcoholic. Did i thank them for this NO! did i enjoy my contact with my mother NO! Looking back in hindsight would i have prefered to have been sheltered from the uncareing money grabbing heartless !!!!! who only thought of her next drink YES! So there may be two parents involved in creating a baby but it does not mean that it is always best to have two parents involved with raising that child. I had years of seeing a mother who quite frankly couldnt give a damn about me and made that quite clear to me on many occasions so once i turned 16 i told her where to go and have little or no contact with her since apart from family occasions where i cant avoid her (ie weddings & funerals) she went on to have 4 more kids all of whom have been completely screwed up by her and her drinking.

So if the op thinks it is best that the father is not part of her childs life then i am on her side. If she can manage without his money then why should she be forced to take it from him this could open up a complete can of worms for her and her child. All of whcih the child could do without. Once the child is old enough to aks then she should be honest but not run the father down make sure they know who he is and where he is and when they are old enough to want to make contact they will see for themselves and make their own minds up about him.

If there was no problem with him then my opinion may be different, but he has not made any effort as the op says and has a drink problem why put a small child through that?

Kimberley

lilabeth wrote: »

he hasn't attempted to see her or given me a penny towards her. thats why I don't want him to have contact because he is a waster basically

So was my daughter's father. He saw her when she was 4 days old at the Hospital then nothing. The courts made him pay child support by a DOE order. He still didn't want anything to do with her even after it was proved she was his through a DNA test.

Please do not make the choice for him. Do not stop him under any circumstances if he wanted to see his daughter. Let the choice be his if he doesn't want contact. This will come back to him when she is older.

My daughter wanted to meet her father when she was 14 years old. He realised what a complete s.h.i.t.e he was by not having contact, losing out on watching her grow up. She met him a few times but after the sixth time decided she no longer wanted to see him, she told me she was just curious on what he was like. He was/is still kicking himself to this day and longs to see her, but he has maintained contact via email and letters and for the past 2 years he has sent her birthday and Xmas card even though he cannot see her. She was just too nervous around him and never met his mum, dad or brother. He has left his door open for her though for when/if she wishes to see him again.

What I am saying is that as a mother you must do what is best for your child and if her dad does want to see her once the CSA make contact with him then you must allow him to. Your daughter when she is grown up will then know that it was her dad who didn't want contact and not that you stopped him, because she will turn against you if you do. It is not your decision. She is not a weapon for you to throw at him to hurt him.

kelloggs36

Well said Kimberley.

tamsin1982

when do you have to put your foot down and make the decision though?
my sons dad saw him on and off for the first few yrs, by this i mean every few months he'd call sayin he was sorry an could he visit - we'd meet up, it'd go really well so rearrange the next visit where he wouldnt turn up an would ignore my calls!
he saw him when he was 2 then didnt bother again til he was 3, spun me the usual lines an never turnt up again.
hes nearly 4 now and he has asked to see him again but ive said no, right or wrong im not having my kid sitting by the door crying cos his dad didnt turn up!
I love my dad, and I tried so hard to make my son have his dad in his life but there does come a point when you have to ask yourself if it really is whats best for them?