csa babies dad

Loopy_Girl

jpmummy wrote: »

Good on you for making a life for yourself and your baby. I think you would be thanked more in the future for not introducing your child to an unreliable "Dad", even though he has had the opportunity, I wish you all the best.

So because the PWC deems the NRP to be a waster/unreliable, whatever, that means that the child should miss out?

Unless the child is in danger then all children should have the opportunity to know both their parents. Whether both choose to is another matter but it is not up to one person to play God and dictate whether they can or cannot.

If he fux up then the child will realise that when they are older - much better that than resenting their Mum from keeping them from their 'perfect Dad' - which is what they will think in their head.

jpmummy

Nobody really knows what he is like, only going on what OP has said, however, if he is a drinker/alkie and a bit of a jailbird would you want your offspring being involved with them?. I personally wouldn't, and would hope to shield them from such likes, as it could have a more damaging effect than potentially a teenager ranting about being kept away from their "perfect dad", by which time they would be old enough to form their own oppinion. Just a viewpoint

Loopy_Girl

To be honest I wouldn't have a baby with a drinker/jailbird...BUT if I did find myself pregnant then I certaintly wouldn't have the audacity or right to keep my child from him.

I certaintly wouldn't wave them cheerily away on a Friday for a weekend visit - it would most defo be supervised short visits until he could prove himself - but I wouldn't deny the child a chance to know their father...and then they can make their own minds up without my being accused of sullying their mind and them making up a version of their Dad in their head as they can't see him.

Children take things much better than we give them credit for I think and are much more astute.

GonzoAston

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

To be honest I wouldn't have a baby with a drinker/jailbird...BUT if I did find myself pregnant then I certaintly wouldn't have the audacity or right to keep my child from him.

I certaintly wouldn't wave them cheerily away on a Friday for a weekend visit - it would most defo be supervised short visits until he could prove himself - but I wouldn't deny the child a chance to know their father...and then they can make their own minds up without my being accused of sullying their mind and them making up a version of their Dad in their head as they can't see him.

Children take things much better than we give them credit for I think and are much more astute.

I agree with everything that Loopy Girl has posted on this thread. A father who isnt a danger to their child should be able to see him, supervised if you feel better. My father was a loser, but at least I found that out for myself, instead of making up an image in my mind about him, then to be dissapointed with the result.

Loopy_Girl

GonzoAston wrote: »

I agree with everything that Loopy Girl has posted on this thread. A father who isnt a danger to their child should be able to see him, supervised if you feel better. My father was a loser, but at least I found that out for myself, instead of making up an image in my mind about him, then to be dissapointed with the result.

Thank you. That's exactly what I was driving at.

Teahfc

O/P has obviously come here for a little advice and got a right flea in her ear .

A single Mum who is going to Uni deserves a little more help than telling her what she already knows ! ie; She made a slight error of judgement.

In 15 months since her child was born the 'father' has made no effort to seek contact or support the child so why when she ask if she contacts the CSA and asks if the 'father' will be entitled to see the baby she gets rammed down her throat the usual ........ Sounds to me like she is trying by going to Uni of making something of herself and not 'chavving' it on the social. !

O/P go ahead with the CSA claim, if he is a work shy jail bird bum then highly unlikely he will have any cash to support the child and any judge with any sort of sense (:eek:) would see straight through him after 15 months of no effort. Good luck in your education and lets hope you find a nice chap that will look after you and you youngster :beer:

tsstss7

OP if the father of your child works then you will likely be better off when/if he pays child support as csa payments are completely disregarded as income by housing benefit and the first £20.00 is disregarded by Income support/jsa.

If he doesn't work or is a student you may get nothing or a very small weekly amount - so you'll then have to balance whether the possibility of hassle from him is worth that.

You do not however have to make a claim if you don't want to.

If he suddenly for any reason decided he wants a relationship with his child it would be very difficult for you to deny him this as a LO is generally considered to have "the right" to know both parents (if both parents want to know them).

I have heard of women who supposedly keep their child from seeing their father but have never seen it work in practice if a man is determined to see their child. In my experience the courts will always award contact rights to a childs father unless there are extreme reasons not to.

overthehills

Teahfc wrote: »

O/P has obviously come here for a little advice and got a right flea in her ear .

A single Mum who is going to Uni deserves a little more help than telling her what she already knows ! ie; She made a slight error of judgement.

In 15 months since her child was born the 'father' has made no effort to seek contact or support the child so why when she ask if she contacts the CSA and asks if the 'father' will be entitled to see the baby she gets rammed down her throat the usual ........ Sounds to me like she is trying by going to Uni of making something of herself and not 'chavving' it on the social. !

Which is fine. But what gets my back up is parents who want "their" child to have nothing to do with the other parent because they think they aren't good enough yet their money is. If this man is such a waster and really wants nothing to do with his child, don't take money from him. There are some men out there who didn't want to be fathers but never get the choice to "do anything about it" The woman makes all the decisions and then goes after him for money to support the child. In this case it has to be the responsability of the person who wanted the child in the first place. men don't get the decision either way really do they?
It gets my goat to listen to the what's fair for the child every time. What about the people who are supposed to be adults in all of this. The OP had "issues" but chose to go to bed with this man. Like me or hate me for my next comment but there are alternatives rather than bringing an innocent into the world you know. There are many out there who use pregnancy as a trap. (not intended to the op in any way) but there are. People who think having a child will save a relationship. Tripe!! In this day and age, people should be more worried about what they may catch and it is BOTH consenting adults responsability to use protection.

lilabeth_2

thanks for all of your comments but I was only asking because the JobCentre are trying to make me put in a claim even though I don't want to.
and to overthehills I didn't make the pregnancy a trap or for anyone else who thinks that matter.
I could do with his money yeah because being a student and rasing a baby is not very good financially. every penny helps in this climate

Loopy_Girl

lilabeth wrote: »

thanks for all of your comments but I was only asking because the JobCentre are trying to make me put in a claim even though I don't want to.
and to overthehills I didn't make the pregnancy a trap or for anyone else who thinks that matter.
I could do with his money yeah because being a student and rasing a baby is not very good financially. every penny helps in this climate

Lilibeth, is this recent? Are you just applying for IS because if youa re then the JCP have no right to tell you to contact the CSA.

It used to be like that butthat all stopped in October last year. If you don't want to then you don't have to and if you are being told that you may not get your full benefit if you don't go to CSA is a load of rubbish.

Again though - if he pays CS either through the CSA or privately then this doesn't automatically give him some kind of gateway to see her.