should i wait to set up supervised contact?

Sharlee

But you are getting there, you are taking action. And don't worry, in view of what he has done, I doubt any unsupervised contact would be granted and you would be likely to get more criticism if you did allow any contact at this stage.

You are entitled to feel how you feel, it's not 'poor me', you're having a tough time and your feelings are normal and it's good that you are able to share that. Take each day as it comes and give yourself a pat on the back for every step you take away from that situation.

Regards
Sharlee

ps I will be interested to know how the police deal with such obvious misconduct!

RAS

jetcat wrote: »

At the moment, i just feel like running away from it all - i think i was quite low before all this happened, and now its like the icing on the cake. Sorry, i was determined this wasnt going to be another 'poor me' post - but i dont honestly know what to say. Even typing out 'I am fine, and getting there' seems impossible!

You are not here to tell us the good news, you are here to tell how it is, which is you have made huge strides and you are feeling crap.

I having been on the receiving end of things and I remember being hugely grateful that he was a stranger not my spouse or ex-spouse. At least that way there was less chance that I would come across him again, although it was only when he was locked up that I began to feel safe. However it was two years before I was comfortable travelling back from work in the winter and I was always wound up to lash out if anyone else tried anything. and then arrive home all weepy and unable to eat.

You have had a sh$t time recently and in the past and you would be abnormal if this did not bring up old stuff.

Is you GP/Women's Aid refering you for extra support? That is not necessarily active intervention, but having someone you can call on if you need them urgently?

RAS

Jetcat

How are your doing?

ifonlyitwaseasier

hey JC,

how are you?

ioiwe x

jetcat

RAS wrote: »

Jetcat

How are your doing?

hi, i'm still here - feels like only just though! Have had an awful week, just managed to log on today for first time since Friday. When i feel more up to it i will post what has happened, but didnt want to simply not post anything.

Thanks for the thoughts x

princessamy86

Sorry to hear it jetcat, we're all here when you feel like talking. Big ((((Hugs)))) xxx

RAS

jetcat wrote: »

hi, i'm still here - feels like only just though! Have had an awful week, just managed to log on today for first time since Friday. When i feel more up to it i will post what has happened, but didnt want to simply not post anything.

Thanks for the thoughts x

jetcat

thanks for posting. I hope you are OK. Big hugs, lady.

Please remember, this is not a peep-show and you do not have to post anything if you do not want to.

if and when you feel like it, you can post here, or set up a new thread on a different topic if you want.

Take care.

RAS

puddy

just on the issue of contact, he has 'offered' to have contact but states it must be unsupervised.

i think i read that you will be having contact with social services.

do not allow contact to be unsupervised. for their safety, and your own, contact with them must be supervised, any social worker will tell you that. social services will probably indicate (not always) that contact shouldnt take place. if he seeks court intervention into contact then the courts will likely (after some assessment) want to see that contact happens but is safe for the children.

you wont get the children removed as long as you are open and honest with the social worker and show that the work you do with other professionals, whether for mental health problems or for domestic violence problems is to enable you to meet the children's needs, in other words if you show any indication that you're minimising the harm to the children by allowing him to have unsupervised contact with the kids, then it would raise questions about your ability to protect them, BUT if he gets the courts involved, you need to be able to show that you have protected the children and have offered to arrange contact in a safe and reasonable manner.

make sure you seek legal advice, some domestic violence support teams have free legal advice, and the solicitors normally arrange the contact at a contact centre. if he disagrees and either refuses to attend or comes round and causes trouble etc, then obviously phone the police and report every instance but also get your solicitor to go to court and get injuunctions against him but ask the court to order supervised contact in order to protect the children.

if the children need support, they may have pastoral support systems at school,, dont be frightened to let school know, they will be confidential and will be dealing with countless other families in the same situation in the same way, there will be no judgement of you.

good luck

RAS

jetcat honey, you OK?

jetcat

hi again, and sorry i havent posted in a while. Keep logging on but the words dont come.

Things are still really tough - am getting a lot of hassle from ex's family about seeing the kids, and that i am being a !!!!! to not let them see them. I keep saying that they are welcome to come here and see them (despite this really freaking me out as i get so stressed having people in my house). Havent heard anything from ex, neither has kids, apart from one text to DD1, saying that he was really missing her. A family member told me that he had said that if he made her feel guilty enough, she would give in and agree to see him! I dont think he understands the situation at all, and i feel bad as maybe i should be in contact with him to explain it again (despite me writing him two letters already). Trouble is, i cant bear the thought of seeing him, womans aid said they will support me, but after being very nearly hospitalised over this (due to mental health rather than physical) i just cant seem to find the strength to do it.

I know there is probably some stuff that posters would like to know the outcome, and i will post it, i promise, but atm, i just cant - am so sorry, and i feel like such a cow!

DD1 was also poorly last week (she has a recurrent health problem which means the occassional stay in hospital) and whereas in the past DD2 would have to go to her dads, as there was no-one else, obviously that isnt an option no. I was so stressed at the thought of DD having to be admitted again, and feel like such a bad mam for worrying more over what to do with little one than eldests health.

Sorry, i guess the floodgates have opened!

And to the offers of chats via pm's, please dont be offended if i haven't pm'ed you - my social anxiety has kicked in big time, and i am struggling with it all - but the offers were very muchly appreciated x