should i wait to set up supervised contact?

jetcat

lynzpower wrote: »

These police matters seem exceptionally dodgy and in time I wonder whether you, in tandem with a social worker might want to consider an investigation into this, ewhen you are stronger. It seems to imply your ex's freind was in the force and spying on you in order for the DV to continue ( such as emotional violence & stalking ) even that the officer was stalking you on his behalf? . I hope i have read this wrong and that is not what has happened. If it is ,Iwant to say this is not normal and it is unacceptable.

this is exatly what happened (when i complained to his seargant, i was told that his use of CCTV would be looked at - i was then told (informally by a mutual friend) that he was in trouble at work for mis-use of the CCtv. Because i didnt make a formal complaint (didnt feel i could cope with that, and seargant promised me that he would take it seriously and def look into it) i didnt find out the outcome of my complaint.

Why dont you have your kids together and tell them what thier dad has done.
Dont of course place too much on them- I dont know how old they are-0 missed that. but simply say the reason why yu have the bruises is because daddy hurt you and it is really very wrong indeed. You do not know what is going to happen next but you will talk to them about it ( in an age appropriate way of course)this will help you feel less of a victim and of course help you to take control. if the kids know you are lying they will wonder why you dont love them enough for them to support them- or that you dont like them enough to tell them the truth ( kids are very simplistic)

DD1 is 12 and SEN, DD2 is only a toddler, so dont have to worry too much about her. I serioucly dont know how the eldest would take it, she has such clear ideas over what is right and wrong - even someone swearing really upsets her.

Kids will be asking questions if the contact becomes supervised and indeed if/when SS become involved. SS will be asking them what experience they have had, eg do you ever get scared by being with daddy etc.

I was completely open with DD1 when i wrote to her dad stating the need for supervised contact - i discussed the letter with her. She is happy that it will be supervised - but hasnt wanted to see her dad since we posted the letter - i think she is scared of the fallout.

Pleae stay strong and keep posting, you will be well supported here

thanks - i am worried that i seem to be having a pity party - or that i will p*** everyone off.

The socail phobia, Id suggest are products of the way you have been treated - and you are now in a position you can take control of it, altohugh having a social worker there, will help you make the best decisions to protect you and your kids.

my cpn is visiting on wed, am anxious over the outcome of that - i have a big fear of my kids being took off me.

Look after yourself., and stay strong

Lynz
x

i hope that made sense!

(my sister is at the other end of the country - she is north while friend is south!)

hamstercheeks_2

jetcat wrote: »

thanks again. i know it seems like i am just whinging, but i am really scared/overwhelmed over what i need to do ( i know i need to get back to police, see solicitor etc). It just all seems so much when even phoning the GP seems like an impossiblity.

i have a badly sprained wrist, bruised ribs, black eye and swollen jaw from where he punched me, and various other bruises. If there was any way i actually hold the bat with the strength needed to swing it properly, believe me annie, i would well hit him with it! (well, maybe not, but i like to think i would!!!!)

my sister keeps offering to have my daughters for me, which - i don't know - may be best for them. but, at times (and esp now) they are the only thing that is keeping me going. I keep picking the phone up to ring her, and then putting it back down again.

sorry but !!!!!!!!!!!

why the hell are you bothering about him having contact with your dds????

bluddy hell get themto your sistersand get to the police/gp/solicitor and take action against this bully:mad:

i can't believe this. OMG please please for you and your dds sake please do not put up with this !!!!!! from a bully

i wish i was closer to help cos i cannot abide bullies :mad:
please keep us posted and you will get strength from somewhere you will

hamstercheeks_2

and your kids will NOT be taken off you do not worry

Blackpool_Saver

hamstercheeks wrote: »

sorry but !!!!!!!!!!!

why the hell are you bothering about him having contact with your dds????

bluddy hell get themto your sistersand get to the police/gp/solicitor and take action against this bully:mad:

i can't believe this. OMG please please for you and your dds sake please do not put up with this !!!!!! from a bully

i wish i was closer to help cos i cannot abide bullies :mad:
please keep us posted and you will get strength from somewhere you will

Exactly, do it right away....

ifonlyitwaseasier

please please please call the police, and report this, ask for female officers to come round ifyou are worried about his friend and get your sister over as well, then you can got to the hospital and have your injuries photographed and this vicious man can be charged and kept away from you and your children.

you need to think that if he can do this to you he could do this to the children...

please call the police and let us know you are ok once they have been

if you ever want to pm me for a chat then go for it,

we are all here for you jetcat

ioiwe x

hamstercheeks_2

yeah jetcat u can pm me anytime if you wanna chat

x

McKneff

Listen, imagine if next time he gets near you, he could end up killing you.
Where would that leave your kids. For that reason and that reason only set your shoulders back and do what you have to do. Call him all the names under the sun in your head, anything as long as it keeps up your resolve.
Go for it girl.

Mojisola

If you're worried about talking to the police yourself, could you contact a woman's refuge in your area. They will have the experience to help you cope with the situation - and should have good contacts in the police who will give your OH's mate a rocket - he should be suspended immediately!

RAS

jetcat wrote: »

thanks again. i know it seems like i am just whinging, but i am really scared/overwhelmed over what i need to do ( i know i need to get back to police, see solicitor etc). It just all seems so much when even phoning the GP seems like an impossiblity.

you are not whinging. You must make more fuss, not less.

You MUST either go to your doctor or to Accident and Emergency tomorrow morning. You must tell them that you were hurt by your ex-spouse and allow them to contact the domestic crime unit if necessary. try to write what you have said her tonight anfd give them this, so they know about the previous problems with his mate.

Please also tell your children the basic truth - that daddy hurt you. Do not go into details, they can see the damage.

jetcat wrote: »

i have a badly sprained wrist, bruised ribs, black eye and swollen jaw from where he punched me, and various other bruises.

Get someone, preferably the hospital or police to photograph these. If not get a carer to do it.

jetcat wrote: »

my sister keeps offering to have my daughters for me, which - i don't know - may be best for them. but, at times (and esp now) they are the only thing that is keeping me going. I keep picking the phone up to ring her, and then putting it back down again.

In which case take it easy. if this makes you uncomfortable, do it later.

re the e-mail Icanandwillsavemoney can help you down load these as evidence but what you need is evidence of his recent attack.

elona

jetcat

If your DD has decided ideas of right and wrong - does not like swearing and is scared of him- what will happen if she objects to his language and he loses his temper again.

You need evidence to show your kids are at risk from his temper and to keep them safe.

Please contact the police or domestic abuse people and please tell them that a corrupt policeman is happy to put your life and your children's safety at risk to "oblige a violent bully".

You are a much nicer peron than he deserves- anyone else would be praying he drove himself into a wall- just hoping no one else was hurt by him.