should i wait to set up supervised contact?

zztopgirl

Dont feel bad about offloading here, its what this board is for!

Please get in touch with your friends, honestly it may seem like a real effort and everything, but you will feel better once you have done it and got in touch and have some company. Please dont think that you are bothering or burdening them, thats what friends are for through thick and thin.

jetcat

i have just switched my phone back on to ring a friend (she lives the other end of country so no worries over her wanting to come over!) and i have a series of texts/answering machine messages from ex, stating that if i agree to drop csa then he will arrange contact, though not supervised. Also, that if i continue with police, he will end up in hospital himself as he will crash his car. I have now switched phone back off.

I did talk to the police at the hospital, and they were lovely - but i was in such a state emotionally that i just needed to get home.

hamstercheeks_2

jetcat wrote: »

i have just switched my phone back on to ring a friend (she lives the other end of country so no worries over her wanting to come over!) and i have a series of texts/answering machine messages from ex, stating that if i agree to drop csa then he will arrange contact, though not supervised. Also, that if i continue with police, he will end up in hospital himself as he will crash his car. I have now switched phone back off.

I did talk to the police at the hospital, and they were lovely - but i was in such a state emotionally that i just needed to get home.

keep the texts/messages and show them to the police.

you don't need to be ruled by a bully to get any csa money from him.

don't answer him and get the police to pay him a visit.

he could end up with an injunction not to come within a mile of you if he's not careful:mad:

generaloneill

could you get a friend to stay with you for a few days? Cvnts like that dont start anything if theres a witness.

Janepig

Don't be put off from reporting this to the Police - they really do take domestic abuse alot more seriously now than they did previously. Even if it doesn't go as far as a court case it'll still be recorded by the domestic abuse unit and if something should happen in the future then they will have a note of previous incidents. Also if you get Cafcass involved with regard to some supervised contact then they will be party to information from the domestic abuse unit. You'd be amazed how many people will say they've never raised a hand to anyone when a quick phonecall will prove otherwise!!

Jxx

McKneff

I know what i said earlier but i take it allback.

This man is a bully, take no notice of his threats to crash his car, it thats what he wants to do let him get on with it.

No way would i let him see the children without supervision of somebody other than yourself. If he has been this violent a court would issue an injunction without hesitation.
Seeing this violent behaviour could damage your children emotionally for a long long time. Believe me, been there, done that, seen it happen countless times also.
Do you have any male members of family you could turn to for help.
And for goodness sake dont apologise for asking for help on here. We are only too happy to lend support. You take care now. And if you have to use that baseball bat use it where it would hurt most. lol

jetcat

thanks again. i know it seems like i am just whinging, but i am really scared/overwhelmed over what i need to do ( i know i need to get back to police, see solicitor etc). It just all seems so much when even phoning the GP seems like an impossiblity.

i have a badly sprained wrist, bruised ribs, black eye and swollen jaw from where he punched me, and various other bruises. If there was any way i actually hold the bat with the strength needed to swing it properly, believe me annie, i would well hit him with it! (well, maybe not, but i like to think i would!!!!)

my sister keeps offering to have my daughters for me, which - i don't know - may be best for them. but, at times (and esp now) they are the only thing that is keeping me going. I keep picking the phone up to ring her, and then putting it back down again.

Janepig

jetcat wrote: »

thanks again. i know it seems like i am just whinging, but i am really scared/overwhelmed over what i need to do ( i know i need to get back to police, see solicitor etc). It just all seems so much when even phoning the GP seems like an impossiblity.

i have a badly sprained wrist, bruised ribs, black eye and swollen jaw from where he punched me, and various other bruises. If there was any way i actually hold the bat with the strength needed to swing it properly, believe me annie, i would well hit him with it! (well, maybe not, but i like to think i would!!!!)

my sister keeps offering to have my daughters for me, which - i don't know - may be best for them. but, at times (and esp now) they are the only thing that is keeping me going. I keep picking the phone up to ring her, and then putting it back down again.

Take photos. And see your GP tomorrow. I know you probably want to just try and forget about it, but as I said, even if you just get it on record with the doctor/police, etc... that its happened then it will help in future.

Jxx

lynzpower

jetcat wrote: »

thanks guys - i'm sitting crying now! Am so sorry for offloading on the forum, but i dont know what else to do. It is such a struggle to use the phone and chat to my mates at the best of times without me thinking i am bothering them too much (i have depression, social phobia etc) and now it seems like i cant ring them as i wouldnt be able to cope if they said they wanted to come over.

I have had really bad experiences with the police in the past (a long time ago though) which made complaining about ex's mate even harder - basically he was reporting back to ex where i was, what i was doing, sitting in the police van at the end of my street a lot of the time. I went with my carer and we spoke with his seargant, who said that it would be looked into. I was then told that he was off work for a while on the sick

I feel like such a failure - ex only knows where we live as he emotionally blackmailed it out of DD1 - i knew he would try something like that so i had prewarned her that if he asks outright, she is just to tell him as i am not having her lie to him, as lying is wrong. Yet here i am lying to my own kids, as it is blatantly obviously i have been hurt - yet i told them i fell down the stairs.

I hate him for making me feel like such a victim again!

ps. sorry for the lack of proper grammer/punctuation etc - i cant think straight

This is exactly why you need social services on your side.

It is thier responsibility to work out whether the contact with the children is in the childrens best insterest at all, or whether they may be at risk of emotional and physical violence from thier father. If contact, how much, who will supervise, where, on whose terms.

These police matters seem exceptionally dodgy and in time I wonder whether you, in tandem with a social worker might want to consider an investigation into this, ewhen you are stronger. It seems to imply your ex's freind was in the force and spying on you in order for the DV to continue ( such as emotional violence & stalking ) even that the officer was stalking you on his behalf? . I hope i have read this wrong and that is not what has happened. If it is ,Iwant to say this is not normal and it is unacceptable.

Why dont you have your kids together and tell them what thier dad has done.
Dont of course place too much on them- I dont know how old they are-0 missed that. but simply say the reason why yu have the bruises is because daddy hurt you and it is really very wrong indeed. You do not know what is going to happen next but you will talk to them about it ( in an age appropriate way of course)this will help you feel less of a victim and of course help you to take control. if the kids know you are lying they will wonder why you dont love them enough for them to support them- or that you dont like them enough to tell them the truth ( kids are very simplistic)

Kids will be asking questions if the contact becomes supervised and indeed if/when SS become involved. SS will be asking them what experience they have had, eg do you ever get scared by being with daddy etc.

Pleae stay strong and keep posting, you will be well supported here

The socail phobia, Id suggest are products of the way you have been treated - and you are now in a position you can take control of it, altohugh having a social worker there, will help you make the best decisions to protect you and your kids.

Look after yourself., and stay strong

Lynz
x

lynzpower

jetcat wrote: »

thanks again. i know it seems like i am just whinging, but i am really scared/overwhelmed over what i need to do ( i know i need to get back to police, see solicitor etc). It just all seems so much when even phoning the GP seems like an impossiblity.

i have a badly sprained wrist, bruised ribs, black eye and swollen jaw from where he punched me, and various other bruises. If there was any way i actually hold the bat with the strength needed to swing it properly, believe me annie, i would well hit him with it! (well, maybe not, but i like to think i would!!!!)

my sister keeps offering to have my daughters for me, which - i don't know - may be best for them. but, at times (and esp now) they are the only thing that is keeping me going. I keep picking the phone up to ring her, and then putting it back down again.

You are absolutely not whinging. so please put ideas like that out of your head right now. :APLease, give your sister a call, even if she could pop round for a hug, Im sure that would help, wouldnt it ?

You do deserve this help you kow, im getting the sense you think people dont care about you, but it seems they do :A