Burlesque Babe's Re-building life but back in debt diary

LouiseJ

Of course you are going to care BB, you are a caring person and will help a complete stranger without question.

I understand your concern for this man, you probably know him better than anyone else and even though you are no longer together you still dont want to see him in this mess.

But it is his mess, you tried to help and he carried on being reckless. I really hope that he can find a way to deal with all of these changes.

Kittikins

Hi BB - I can empathise 100% with how you're feeling......I was with my ex for 10 years and he was always totally carp with money, causing me all kinds of stress, and since he burgered off 4 years ago, he's got no better and is now verging on the edge of bankruptcy/court/whatever....

I don't know why you and I care so much about their finances as, after all, they are now NOTHING to do with us, and whilst we worry for them, we need to get a sense of distance, in that it's ultimately their problem not ours...

You sound like such a lovely, caring, strong person and I hope that this will be the ultimate wakeup call for your ex, and he will start reaching out to help himself......(mine's still being a numpty and spending money he doesn't have, but thankfully when we divorced I got the financial separation order, lol).

It's a horrible situation for anyone to be in, compounded when it's someone who you know so well.

Hugs
Kittikins

Burlesque_Babe

thankyou - to be honest, I wasn't even sure if what I said made any sense.

He seems to think his only way out is to sell the house (before he has even lost his job) and that his situation is the worst in the world and can never be solved.

His job future is difficult but I'd never admit that to him. He is 44 and has only ever worked in a private school. He went straight in as head of department and he teaches PE.

Apparently because he has never taught in a state school, all these years mean nothing and he'd have to start as if he were newly qualified - with a salary to match. Local schools have their pick of candidates at the moment and are basically going for the cheapest option so his chances of another similar post locally are slim. There have been 2 or 3 jobs advertised and he just hasn't bothered, and has instead just picked out the reasons he wouldn't get it.

He has no office type experience other than his day to day admin work and his computer skills are at beginner level, so a move into an education related managerial role (ie with Ofsted or at the local authority) isn't really an option. He does know how to use a computer (just about) and can now use the internet. He doesn't have home internet access so I am going to point him in the direction of the nearby library for free access when term ends. I've also said I'll help him put a CV together - something he has never needed. He says he doesn't want to be Head of Year or go for Deputy Headship - again - it's all about what he doesn't want.

I feel I just want to get hold of his situation and sort it - as I have done my own because it is very, very sortable with lots of changes to his SOA. But I can't do that fully because at the end of the day - he has to make the changes I suggest and it is also his life to do with what he wants. He is going to make it a hell of a lot tougher than it is going to already be.

He also has to want to change - and if I'm brutally honest, I can't see this even being a LBM because he'll just take the easy option and sell rather than knuckle down and fight.

LouiseJ

I know someone very like him BB:rolleyes:

Has he thought about FE as I know our college has a huge department of outdoor ed teachers although we are a college with a sports academy attached. Just an idea.

ZTD

beanielou wrote: »

I can see where you are coming from but for most people in a one income household its the reality.
With you both on the other life.
I would be almost morga ge free & have a holiday house on a wee Scottish island.
All part of lifes rich pattern though.

Any little island? Or do you have one in mind?

Burlesque_Babe

There were 2 posts Lou which closed yesterday by coincidence -at the FE college literally a 100 metre or so walk behind my old house - both for sport related lecturers. He hasn't applied - or if he has, he hasn't said.

I gave him an application form for a few hours teaching sports classes with us, there is an issue about the quals of the current tutor and he could have stepped in. He didn't apply.

LouiseJ

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

There were 2 posts Lou which closed yesterday by coincidence -at the FE college literally a 100 metre or so walk behind my old house - both for sport related lecturers. He hasn't applied - or if he has, he hasn't said.

I gave him an application form for a few hours teaching sports classes with us, there is an issue about the quals of the current tutor and he could have stepped in. He didn't apply.

Well that is just plain silly:rolleyes: FE might not pay as much as his old job but it wont be far off with his experience.

ZTD

BB - you can't save those that won't save themselves. Yes, he is full of what he won't do. But when he signs on every fortnight, he'll find what he won't do and what he can't do will change radically.

beanielou

ZTD wrote: »

Any little island? Or do you have one in mind?

It was Arran & it felt like it was in another life.
Well it was in so many ways.

B~Sorry to read the news on your XOH.
At the end of the day hard as it is you cant do this for him.
My XH was the same & has gone from one crisis to another, I helped advise him last time but as I see it that was his last chance & he has now hit the buffers again & is at the end of the line.
I know how hard it is not to take it all on board but we cant do it for them.

beanielou

Hope by the way hes not too proud to sign on.