Something rotten in paradise

jamespir

Rikki wrote: »

Does it matter?
She wants to stop him accessing those sites as well as planning the best way to talk to him.

but surley if hes got any brains he coudl just switch it of at the end of the day its not hard

weegie.geek

Rikki wrote: »

Does it matter?
She wants to stop him accessing those sites as well as planning the best way to talk to him.

It won't stop him accessing the sites though. It *might* stop the sites showing up in a google search, but the chances are he knows the name of the site, or has bookmarked them so he doesn't need to google for them.

SailorSam

You've got to tell him you know.
Whether it upsets him to talk about things or not, this is'nt going away.
If you say nothing, and keep it to yourself , it's only going to burn you up inside and make you feel worse.

SailorSam

SailorSam wrote: »

You've got to tell him you know.
Whether it upsets him to talk about things or not, this is'nt going away.
If you say nothing, and keep it to yourself , it's only going to burn you up inside and make you feel worse.

If he does'nt want sites to show he can always access them through one of these Anonomous entry sites.

MrsTinks

Whilst it's tough then right now you don't actually know that he's cheated... he may have fantasised about it, even flirted online with women but that doesn't mean he's done anything about it! For some just the thought of doing something like that is enough for them - alas for others it's not...
The fact he's got online profiles isn't what is worrying me me to be honest...
The fact you fear approaching the subject with him worries me more... "he's prone to exploding"... what exactly do you mean exploding??? Are we talking verbal outbursts or potential violence? This is far more serious than him flirting online or look at s3x sites...

Also you say you have a "romantic" relationship... don't mean to pry but do the two of you get jiggy in the bedroom regularly? And do you ever try to spice it up? I think if I laid back and let my Hubby just "get on with it" he'd soon be looking for something to spice things up a bit I have no doubt - and I would expect the first step would be online fantasy... Not saying that's what you do - but I would certainly not expect my DH to not have "urges"... then again I'd hope he'd be able to talk to me about it

suki1964

Some men just idolise their wives so much that they cant ask them for the "dirty filthy" sex they want so join these sites to "act" out some of their fantasies. Most men dont go as far as actually meeting real women, the fantasy that there are women online happy to cater to them is enough

You need to talk to him, ask him whats happening. And you also need to look at whats really happening in your relationship thats got him putting out ads on sex sites

kay74

And remember that him blowing up when you bring up difficult subjects is a form of control. If he knows by behaving like this you will back down and he won't have to answer any of the hard questions then this is contributing to your low self-esteem. Thinking of you - life is really hard sometimes x

Curious_George_2

suki1964 wrote: »

Some men just idolise their wives so much that they cant ask them for the "dirty filthy" sex they want so join these sites to "act" out some of their fantasies.

but if you have the 'perfect' relationship (like the OP thought she had) then you should be able to ask for what you want... and if you cant, then sorry but your missing out,
my OH would tell you that he idolises me... doesnt stop us being mucky pups!

OP - im sorry you have had this shock, but as well as sorting out all the stuff with your OH i think you need to get to the doctors / clinic and get yourself tested for STDS,
if you think your OH is going to "explode" (and thats a worrying turn of phrase... how bad is an explosion? shouting? or worse) then maybe you should have a friend or family member with you, or at least in the house at the time so things dont get out of hand,
and remember YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, dont let him turn any of the blame onto you, its very easy to convince someone with low self esteem that any situation may be thier fault,
even if the pair of you havent been together in bed for a while, its still no excuse for advertising for no strings sex

suki1964

Curious_George wrote: »

but if you have the 'perfect' relationship (like the OP thought she had) then you should be able to ask for what you want... and if you cant, then sorry but your missing out,

You just said it - as the OP THOUGHT she had Obviously its not as perfect as she thought and there is a lot of room for improvement - like being able to talk about wants and desires without fear of one partner exploding

gemlcoleman

There is no excuses for this chap - whatever the state of the physical side of the relationship is - it is the OH that has done somthing wrong - if he wasn't satisfied - thats a BIG IF - then he should have tried to sort it out not advertised for a 'f**k buddy'. He sounds immature and selfish - and I know this probably sounds harsh ATM in time - but I think you're better off without him.