Something rotten in paradise

Terigirl

swiss69 wrote: »

If your man wants you less and is withdrawing from you, you can bet that 8 times out of ten he will have a !!!!!! addiction.

Here's the thing: no warning signs. None. It was out of the blue for me.

My husband knows that now I don't trust him. It will take a long time for me to trust him again, and I may never trust him completely. I don't know if I feel that this lack of trust is enough to destroy our marriage. I'm willing to work at it if he is willing to admit what he did was wrong. I suppose only time will tell if things are going to be okay between us, right now I could see him far enough, but if I leave him, then he really is alone with no support and has lost EVERYTHING he has. Not sure I can do that to him (or anyone.)

Emmzi

Ask him what he will do PRACTICALLY to stop doing this.

Fine words butter no parsnips, etc.

Adult content blockers on sites may help - go along to PC shop and pretend it's for the kids. Sign up to netnanny, etc.

If you don't like it, he shouldn't do it. It's up to him to prove he is trustworthy, not you.

And as regards him being alone - his life, his choice, you can't accept responsibility for another person's happiness, safety, etc. I've gone half mad trying before now. You can only ever look after YOU.

rosie-marie

I think thats just the thing. If you decide to make it work are you prepared for the endless suspicion, checking the computer, worry everytime he goes out/you go out? It could be very exhausting for you both. Regaining trust is a long term thing, and sometimes doesn't return at all. Your own self esteem will be very low and you have to put work into that too. (Again takes time).

I have a friend who is quite open about her OH visiting strip clubs, using !!!!!! and even meeting other women! She thinks she is liberated from convention, I think she's crazy. I asked her why she lets him do it and she said "because thats the only way to keep them". Which is very sad. She's a well educated, successful business woman who would be absolutely fine on her own - but she loves him . Hope you are ok.

Curious_George_2

Terigirl wrote: »

but if I leave him, then he really is alone with no support and has lost EVERYTHING he has. Not sure I can do that to him (or anyone.)

sorry hun, but you didnt do this to him, he did it to himself
you are not responsible for anything that he has done and if he loses everything because of it then its his own doing

dont let him (or your own doubting mind) push the guilt onto you