Something rotten in paradise

busiscoming2

He doesn't deserve you! Are you 100% sure it is him that has posted? I would do what someone else suggested and open a new email account and send him an'up for it' email and see what happens. I would make inroads into what you want to do when you confront him, ie: make him leave at once.

I hope it all works out ok in the end for you.

hot.chick

I would do one of two things.....

reply to the message as if I were on the site and see where he goes with it, maybe ask if he has done this kind of thing before, or has he met many people? - as you don't know of this is just cyber flirting to make him feel alive (not great but better then actaully arranging to meet these people)

Or...

Print off his profile... put the print out on the table and sit there and say nothing. The rest is upto him.

I'd also write down all of the awful things this has made you feel, normal, not special, betrayed, as we tend to forget all of these important things when we are upset.

I do hope it is nothing more than on line banter - as awful as that is, i think it can be forgiven and lessens can be learnt, if it has gone further then only you can decide if this is forgivable.

Good luck

Mrs_Moc

I would try to set up a meeting to see if he really is serious about meeting up with someone then you will know for sure.

weegie.geek

hot.chick wrote: »

ask if he has done this kind of thing before, or has he met many people?

So he says he has. Does he say it because it's true or to impress, out of bravado?

Playing games like this isn't going to bring the truth out, it'll all just be part of the game.

Be honest. Confront him. There's nothing else to do.

squirrelchops

My OH and I met via the type of site the OP is referring to. No strings ended up in a proper relationship.

However, about 1 year into our relationship I found in the history browser sites visited such as 'extra marital affairs.com' amongst other sites.

I pulled them up on screen and basically confronted him with it all.

He said he was just curious. He also said he wouldn't have acted on it but the old habit of looking on line was still there. That was th night had my first cigarette since giving up!

Anyway, we talked it over and I explained how hurt I was by him looking at this sort of stuff now he was in a relatonship. He hasn't to my knowledge even looked again.

OP definintely need to confront your OH on this. Do not let him try and divert the topic by getting all confrontational with you. Remain calm and good luck. Each time he tries to change the subject just calmy say 'it is these sites we are discussing not x/y/z'.

Terigirl

Thanks for all the replies... sat here in tears... not sure how I got through work today without cracking up

Hubby isn't violent, just a bit shouty. He tends to drown out my arguments or simply leave without resolving anything... and then comes back ten minutes later all contrite and weepy.

MrsTine... we do get up to antics in the bedroom regular as anything, I don't think I'm 'boring' but I do have limits (certain acts are triggers for panic attacks... a lovely gift from my attacker years ago). In fact, if I'm honest, I'm probably more leaning into the BDSM side of things than him. He's never expressed any dissatisfaction with our love life, he complains more that I don't bake enough.

I have a clever friend helping me block some sites at command level, whatever that means! and I will see what happens as he is off tomorrow and he usually uses the computer when I am at work.

I am still shaky but a bit more focussed now on what I have to do... I do feel like contacting him through these sites just to see if he replies... but I shouldn't really as it will make me feel worse...

Curious_George_2

Terigirl wrote: »

MrsTine... we do get up to antics in the bedroom regular as anything, I don't think I'm 'boring' but I do have limits (certain acts are triggers for panic attacks... a lovely gift from my attacker years ago)

now this i understand totally and sympathise with you, but...
i want you to believe me when i tell you it can be worked through, obviously not knowing what you went through (and im not asking) and how bad it was (before anyone butts in, im aware no sexual abuse is a good experience but there are many different things that could have happened to this poster not all of them as bad as each other) in time and with the right partner you may not always have this problem,

I used to have triggers too, and they stopped me having all sorts of fun until i realised you have to understand that its all in your head, your the one thats stopping yourself relaxing and enjoying it, i refuse to let what i went through rule my life, he will NOT beat me... and by being sexually repressed/ shy/ panic ridden because of what he did to me is letting that weasly deviant win, i might aswell still be 7 years old cowering in the corner.

one day you will meet the absolute right person for you, and instead of shouting at you and advertising for sleazy sex on the side, your partner will help your self esteem soar and hopefully you will be able to relax and start to enjoy some of the things that have previously been denied to you,
a few years ago i would have been sat there reading this rolling my eyes... but now i know better, there are truly good men out there, and all the @rseholes you have to get through first make them worth finding!

ive never even hinted at my past on here before, and im not going to go into it but i see myself in some of the things you have said...(and i dont mean that i dont bake enough either ) and when i get those old feelings i have to stop myself, give myself a mental slap in the face and remember that it was something that happened to me, its not 'me'
i dont use it as excuses for things, its not the only thing about me, and i dont let it rule my life.... it/he will NOT beat me.

Amber07

hot.chick wrote: »

Or...

Print off his profile... put the print out on the table and sit there and say nothing. The rest is upto him.

I'd also write down all of the awful things this has made you feel, normal, not special, betrayed, as we tend to forget all of these important things when we are upset.

^^I'm with this suggestion. I think messaging him will make you feel worse and tbh having more sordid details will just knock your self esteem even more

Calmly putting the evidence in front of him, means he can't deny anything and you don't have to explain what you have found (as that could be more upsetting for you and lead to a more emotional confrontation)

So sorry to hear you have found this. If my hubby had done something like that, I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to dwell on things, I would have had it out with him asap and kicked him out - but that's me. If your husband hasn't met any women, then there is still time to save your relationship....if you want it to be saved.

Good luck

Ps - just wondered how you found this in the first place - did he not delete the history/forget to log out?? I know if I was up to anything dodgy I would be covering my tracks.

Terigirl

Amber07 wrote: »

Ps - just wondered how you found this in the first place - did he not delete the history/forget to log out?? I know if I was up to anything dodgy I would be covering my tracks.

He left a download link on the computer desktop, I don't think he realised it was there though

MadMac_2

Hi Terigirl, how are you doing? Hope things are moving forward for you and you're not just in turmoil still x