Something rotten in paradise

Terigirl

Me and my hubby have been married nearly three years. We have a very romantic relationship - he always tells me I'm beautiful, the only one for him, etc etc. His ex fiancee cheated on him numerous times and he was very hurt by this. He was devastated a few years back when he discovered his mum had been having an affair with a family friend...

So why is it that today I found out he has been posting on internet !!!!!! sites and dating sites about wanting a "***k-buddy"? He states outright that he is wanting casual sex or a quick fling, but isn't willing to disrupt his normal life for this. That's me. I'm just 'normal.' Not the love of his life as I though. Just the everyday status quo.

I am devastated as I have self esteem issues stemming from sexual abuse and I can't believe he would hurt me like this...

I am in shock. I don't want him anywhere near me at the moment and I am seriously considering making him go for a full battery of tests for STDs, even if he says he hasn't slept around with anyone. I haven't yet broached the subject with him. How should I do it? He is prone to exploding when I bring up "hot" subjects, and !!!!!! is one. I hate to think how he will react to me knowing.

I really want to block of his internet access to the sites for a start, but I'm hopeless with computers and I don't want to make him suspicious that I know and give him time to formulate a plausible story.

I need advice - what should I do?

love_lifer

that's horrible, im sorry you've had such a shock. maybe think about any other signs there may have been, talk to a friend if you can and i think you need to talk to him as soon as you feel ready. im not a fan of keeping things in- if you want to try work it out then it needs a full, frank discussion. dont be hard on yourself about being upset though- anyone would be. good luck

bunty109

I guess what you do depends on whether or not you feel you can ever trust him again and have a relationship with him. I feel for you so much. I do think it would be a good idea to talk to someone about it. From what you say, if you broach it with him he's not going to react well so I'd talk it through with someone you trust.

You're probably asking the wrong person for advice, but personally I'd e-mail the link to the website he's posted on to him copying in all his mates and his mother! Might not be the best thing to do for you though.....

EDIT: You could post on one of the teccie boards and ask for advice as to how to block the website, but remember he could still access it elsewhere (work etc.)

poppyolivia

I'd reply to the advert with a false name and meet him!

dizziblonde

I've been through similar - kick him out because he won't ever change. In my case though I found all the online dating profiles wanting "fun" after I caught him lining up another woman to cheat with. Again I have zero self-esteem and he capitalized on that, telling me I was beautiful etc to hook me in, and then relying on me needing him to have carte blanche to do what ever he felt like basically. I also tip-toed around his temper and didn't confront him for a long while but in the end I had to - he robbed my house out, started making threats to stalk me and the like and I finally got shot of the waste of oxygen.

Men like that will never ever change - they've got very slick lines and a way with words, and they just bounce from woman to woman, always with self-esteem issues because they know just how deeply we crave hearing the lines they love to spin. I don't know where my ex is now - but I hope he dies a lonely and angry man because that's what he deserves.

piptiddlepip

I think some of the replies so far have not been terribly good advice...

The only thing you can do is make him sit down and tell him you know what he's been doing and you want an explanation. If he's "touchy" about it because it's a hot subject, too bad - he's the one who's been doing things he shouldn't, not you. The bottom line is, are you going to stay with him? You know he can't be trusted any more. If he knows you'll leave him if he admits it, he will probably deny it until he's blue in the face because he has nothing to lose - but you already know the truth.

If it was me, there is no way I could ever trust my fiancee again and I would have her bags packed for her when she came home from work, since nothing she could ever say would justify it - but then everyone is different.

MadMac_2

OH, I can only agree with others on here already. You have been well and truly led up the garden path by this one and you will be well shot of him.

Can I point something out to you? You say you have a very special romantic relationship, but if that were really true your self esteem would be much better off that it is - what he has really achieved is to lower it to such an extent that you have him on a pedestal. He has power over you and it is time to get it back!

Confront him, end it, spread the word to warn others and then steer well clear. Your future will be much, much brighter x

Terigirl

I'm just so disappointed in myself. None of my boyfriends have been faithful - they've all been different 'types' too IFKWIM. My family adore him too, they will take it very hard.

The worst thing for me is that he is losing everything - a wife that loves him, a pet he adores, a family which surrogate for his own crap family, a nice house - why would any man give that all up just for a quick and meaningless shag?

I don't think he has ever contributed to my self esteem issues. I do all that to myself, I just can't take a compliment. I know there were a ton of men who fancied me once upon a time but I have such strong hangups regarding my desirability vis-a-vis casual sex, it becomes an issue.

Rikki

If he is using google as his search engine look here and you will see you can use SafeSearch Filtering.

Next to the search box on the right click on preferences and tick accordingly.


Click here for information.

jamespir

Rikki wrote: »

If he is using google as his search engine look here and you will see you can use SafeSearch Filtering.

Next to the search box on the right click on preferences and tick accordingly.

why would she need to do that hes an adult not a child

Rikki

jamespir wrote: »

why would she need to do that hes an adult not a child

Does it matter?
She wants to stop him accessing those sites as well as planning the best way to talk to him.