The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

ditzy

absolutebounder wrote: »

A question for you. many depressed people have had counselling but felt unable to open up to the counsellor. what was it about the counsellor or therapist that put you off?

hi hope you dont mind me butting in only just found this

i have had severe depression and social anxiety disorder for 21 years and while im not going to drag on about my lifes history lol in answer ...

i tried counselling and what put me off was
1. the counsellor only asked questions, millions of flippin questions! and constantly answering them all but getting no help, solution, or advice made me even more depressed!
2. every session was a case of constantly dragging up the past, and the worse it got the more the counsellor dug ... i would go home each time and cry for days.. which made me even more depressed!
3. Most weeks i would have to re tell things to get him back up to speed which wasted alot of time and once again depressed me cos i felt like just another number
4. he would sit and drink coffee with his legs crossed .. hmmmm-ing and ohhhh-ing and how did that make you feel-ing .. which was of no help at all ... it was almost like he was thinking " 20 more mins and its my lunch break" !
5. i couldnt function for days after each session and suffered horrendous flash backs and nightmares, so i stopped. Put it all in a box in the back of my head .. and moved on

i would never do it again ... i'd rather look forward than back

Jo_R_2

I've seen different counsellors twice. The first was a while ago so can't remember much except that feeling of awkwardness, the second was a couple of years ago.

This last one I didn't gel with at all. He booked me in for a course of sessions, and I was on the third one which I had to cancel at short notice due to being needed at work. He then proceeded to tell me next time I saw him that I had commitment issues despite me trying to explain I couldn't get out of work that particular day and said that now wasn't the right time to be seeing me

I found the sessions themselves similar to what ditzy said at the start of her post, that is I was sharing lots about problems, past history and not getting much back. Now I gather counsellors are supposed to direct you to work out your own solutions but asking how that made me feel and so on seemed pointless - I knew how I felt, I knew how I was supposed to be dealing with things and why I felt the way I did.

I just didn't have that rapport with him. I think partly because it was a man, and for whatever reason that didn't work for me, but I got the distinct feeling he was taking the role of the superior - I don't know if I was reading into that but I did feel that.

I think also that just talking wasn't what I needed at the time and maybe I was looking for more support than a counsellor couldn't offer.

ditzy

Jo_R wrote: »

I've seen different counsellors twice. The first was a while ago so can't remember much except that feeling of awkwardness, the second was a couple of years ago.

This last one I didn't gel with at all. He booked me in for a course of sessions, and I was on the third one which I had to cancel at short notice due to being needed at work. He then proceeded to tell me next time I saw him that I had commitment issues despite me trying to explain I couldn't get out of work that particular day and said that now wasn't the right time to be seeing me

I found the sessions themselves similar to what ditzy said at the start of her post, that is I was sharing lots about problems, past history and not getting much back. Now I gather counsellors are supposed to direct you to work out your own solutions but asking how that made me feel and so on seemed pointless - I knew how I felt, I knew how I was supposed to be dealing with things and why I felt the way I did.

I just didn't have that rapport with him. I think partly because it was a man, and for whatever reason that didn't work for me, but I got the distinct feeling he was taking the role of the superior - I don't know if I was reading into that but I did feel that.

I think also that just talking wasn't what I needed at the time and maybe I was looking for more support than a counsellor couldn't offer.

same here i felt awkward with a man .. some very personal stuff was extreamly hard to talk about and i didnt think he would understand it from a womans point of view so i just didnt go there .. and also like you i wanted more help than a counsillor could offer .. i wanted answers and solutions .. instead i got more flippin questions! lol :rolleyes:

whitevanwoman wrote: »

:mad::mad::mad:

Just wrote a long post basically agreeing with Ditsy and IE has frozen so I think I'm going to lose it all

:mad::mad::mad:

awww hunny ! thats happened to me lots of times when iv written a long post (i get logged out cos i take so long lol) and its dammed anoying ! i cheat now and when iv typed it, i copy it, incase it doesn't post so i know i can just paste it in a new message ((hugs))

absolutebounder

I asked the question because I met a couple of counsellors who work in the NHS and thought Oh my god how little rapport skills these people had..
Bedfore I say any more though anyone else want to relate their tales of counselling or therapy whether bad or good.
Did they ask lots of questions on the first appointment?

shazrobo

my experiance with a councillor, was the same as others on here have said, far too many questions, dragging up the past, but no answers or solutions

i find my cpn more helpful, i have a chatr with her, she is very easy to get along with, and i can confide in her, without loads awkward questions

absolutebounder

shazrobo wrote: »

my experiance with a councillor, was the same as others on here have said, far too many questions, dragging up the past, but no answers or solutions

i find my cpn more helpful, i have a chatr with her, she is very easy to get along with, and i can confide in her, without loads awkward questions

Not just a question for shaz. Im interested in the first appt as to whether they spent the time in building trust and comfort in you the patient or did they just launch into the questions.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Probably should go onto a new thread, but it's loosely connected. AB, what is your opinion on this?

A friend of mine started a level one counselling course.

As he found it was full of posh teenagers with laptops, he dropped out, despite being very good at the practical work. He found the snidey comments about 'well, I expect to have your work in by next Tuesday, except for Pete, whom I expect it from by Friday, as it's going to take me the best part of the week to read his handwriting as he hasn't quite worked out it's the 21st century yet' (cue much hur, hur, hurs from the rest of the class) intolerable.

He has fairly low confidence regarding his English and Maths skills. I think that would improve if he were to actually use them - he has refused point blank to do the basic literacy/numeracy courses as he is perfectly capable of doing everyday things - but, in any case, he's looking at studying again and has asked for my opinion.


I was looking at Open University courses. I thought that it would probably be about right for him to look at the 10 point course Introducing Psychology. There is a 15 point Introducing Counselling, but again, that insists on computer use, which seems a bit much for a non accredited course.

I have a feeling that Psychology would actually be more rewarding for him to study and potentially advantageous for a career in the long run. If he liked the introductory course, he would be able to start on level one courses straight afterwards, or even consider proper university entry as a mature student (both of which would entitle him to support from the access to learning funds for computer purchase and connection)

Would I be right in your learned opinion, AB, to encourage him to look at psychology on the grounds that a qualified Psychologist can do more than a qualified counsellor?

absolutebounder

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Probably should go onto a new thread, but it's loosely connected. AB, what is your opinion on this?

A friend of mine started a level one counselling course.

As he found it was full of posh teenagers with laptops, he dropped out, despite being very good at the practical work. He found the snidey comments about 'well, I expect to have your work in by next Tuesday, except for Pete, whom I expect it from by Friday, as it's going to take me the best part of the week to read his handwriting as he hasn't quite worked out it's the 21st century yet' (cue much hur, hur, hurs from the rest of the class) intolerable.

He has fairly low confidence regarding his English and Maths skills. I think that would improve if he were to actually use them - he has refused point blank to do the basic literacy/numeracy courses as he is perfectly capable of doing everyday things - but, in any case, he's looking at studying again and has asked for my opinion.


I was looking at Open University courses. I thought that it would probably be about right for him to look at the 10 point course Introducing Psychology. There is a 15 point Introducing Counselling, but again, that insists on computer use, which seems a bit much for a non accredited course.

I have a feeling that Psychology would actually be more rewarding for him to study and potentially advantageous for a career in the long run. If he liked the introductory course, he would be able to start on level one courses straight afterwards, or even consider proper university entry as a mature student (both of which would entitle him to support from the access to learning funds for computer purchase and connection)

Would I be right in your learned opinion, AB, to encourage him to look at psychology on the grounds that a qualified Psychologist can do more than a qualified counsellor?

Interesting post and no doesnt need a new thread because this thread is about sharing ideas and experiences etc.
I have never been on a true "counselling course" though I do counselling. Partly because in a way hynotherapy is counselling anyway and when it comes to hypnotherapy I have had several courses and been voluntarily to many seminars to see other ideas in action. Counselling makes good money out of the NHS but IMHO opinion without getting the results that the expenditure demands and the same could be said for psychology. I dont think that is entirelythe fault of the training though. Many people on these courses have their own issues that they seem to want sorted out rather than be let lose helping others hence the snooty youngsters that think you can do it all on a computer. If they believe that they have no concept of the real world. because there is never a one solution fits all with the human mind.
I have asked a few questions about counsellors because from peoples experiences on this thread and Support for depression they seem to do more harm than good but that is because they seem to rake up the past. As one or two people know from talking to me on the phone I dont ask much about the past if anything at all because the client will tell me all I need to know with one simple question which is basically where are you now and where do you want to go in the future? So I dont raise unwanted memories of the past which cause more upset and anguish.
I think if he is interested in the subject he should avoid computers because they are only good for reading study material and writing answers (eg microsoft word) but the idea which I guess is being looked at of using the computer as a database of treatment is horrendous. You will end up with people having idiot prompts on their computer as they interview (counsell) someone.
Youcould try getting your friend interested by giving him some reading like psychology for dummies or counselling for dummies. I like the "for dummies" books because in 99% of cases the courses over complicate what you will need in everyday life.

beachbeth

I had counselling and it didn't work for me at all. She was a similar age to me but I didn't find her easy to talk to. She said she was the sort of person that people just naturally talked to and she could stand in a supermarket queue and people would just pour their heart out to her. However, I didn't find her to be like this.

I got quite upset at the time at having to go to the sessions because I was suffering quite badly with depression and agrophobia. It took a lot of courage to get myself to even go there. She didn't understand depression at all and in the end I had to take my husband with me because I just couldn't go on my own. She got very irritated with this and seemed to take it personally. Of course, I stopped going because it was no help at all and just made me feel worse. She made me feel as though it was my fault that the sessions weren't helping because she was a good counsellor!

true27

absolutebounder wrote: »

Not just a question for shaz. Im interested in the first appt as to whether they spent the time in building trust and comfort in you the patient or did they just launch into the questions.

My first counselling session was 20 minutes in a room with a woman who asked me why I was depressed, did I feel suicidal and could I complete this questionnaire so she could calculate the level of my depression.

Not the helpful at all, no relationship building, hardly even any questions - she dismissed me with a leaflet about managing panic attacks and a further appointment for a month's time. Needless to say I didn't go back, but have since been informed by my GP that I must complete a course of sessions with her so she can "assess" my suitability for further mental health support.

Feel even more stuck and alone now than I did before counselling!