The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

beachbeth

absolutebounder wrote: »

I bet you have heard this before but drinking really is a no no. medically it is a depressant and will counteract any effect ADs have.
probably this will sound like a bit of CBT but you could try writing down how music used to make you feel and then write down how it makes you feel now and then challenging the new feelings in such a way that they become pointless. And of course keep up with MP3. It may take a couple of goes because I expect you were a bit anxious as to what was in it the first time so didnt relax as well as you could have.:A

I know I shouldn't drink but I get that familiar craving when the tea is just about ready and usually pour myself some wine or a malibu and lemonade.:o Im not going to today though. Ive made my mind up.

You're right about being anxious the first time I listened to the mp3. I got quite worried that at some point music would start playing! Sounds daft but I started to think that Dancing Queen was about to start and I found my heart starting to beat fast! It was a relief when it didn't.

I will listen to it again now I know!

absolutebounder

whitevanwoman wrote: »

Hi all,

just wrote a long post and lost it :mad: am having problems with a new broadband provider - the Postoffice, cheaper than my old ISP but rubbish - drop outs every half hour, problems setting up email accounts in outlook as their server won't allow email addresses of other servers, appalling customer service - half hour on hold just to get through to tech dept, my last phone call to them this morning took 3 hrs 9 mins :eek::mad::mad::mad:, so don't touch them with a bargepole!!! Am going to be posting a warning in the Vent thread later, if I get a connection long enough to write a post without losing it. I'm having to keep copying my posts as I write them in case I lose them again.

Apart from being very angry and very stressed now about the b/band, I'm ok - I managed to get out for a walk with the dog yesterday, not very far, only about a mile but it was off the lead for him and he raced round chasing his tennis ball all the way so I felt a bit less guilty and my mood did improve a bit last night. But today I'm still in pjs and feeling tired and headachy.

Beth - if it is any consolation, I've been hitting the bottle too over the past week. Most unlike me, I hardly ever drink, probably the last time was Xmas and even then it was probably only a couple of glasses of wine. Like you, it gets to teatime and I feel a craving for a (large) G&T, just to help me settle down a bit and unwind my head. AB, I know it's not good, and that it is a depressant but when you are in a "I don't give a f*** about anything" mood, you really don't care, and of course, it is another stick you can use to beat yourself up with, about how bad you are, and what a terrible person you are, and how it's all your own fault that bad things are happening and that you deserve it. I also know that all the last sentence is my negativity speaking and is not based on evidence but it takes too much effort to challenge it, and to put CBT theories into practice. You can't do that till you reach the point where you want to start to get better, and I haven't reached that point yet. I'm happy (scuse the pun! I should really say, "I'm resigned") to wallow in self-pity and hate myself for being too weak and selfish and lazy to do anything to help myself.

(Just aswell I copied this so far as I just lost connection again - Grrrr! :mad:)

I've also lost all interest in music - I used to love my music and I can barely stand hearing any upbeat music at the moment. I've not even been able to listen to ABs mp3 yet, despite treating myself to a new MP3 player a few weeks ago, I just can't be bothered. It's almost as if I don't want to get better somehow, like I don't want to do things that I know will improve my mood or make me feel better or give me a boost. As if I just want to be miserable and not fun to be with or good company so that I can say "see, no one likes me - I'm right, I'm a horrible person".

Best get this posted now before I lose it all again (and then I can blame myself for being useless with computers!)

I hate ISP problems but then I guess we all ahve them from time to time. I do understand where you are coming from about not being ready. people are motivated by plerasure and pain but where some people just move towards pleasure all the time depression moves away from pain when the pain gets too great. Its difficult to do anything about but you said you felt better taking the dog for a walk and why should you want to beat yourself up when there is no need to. I know you will come through but it would be better to suffer less than more.

GotToChange

whitevanwoman wrote: »

I don't know why I do this but I do. It's like a form of self-harm. I do it in so many ways. I suppose I am a step further forward than I used to be in that at least now I know I do it and recognise when I do it but I haven't yet reached the point where I can not do it.

One of my support workers told me last week that I am angry with myself - I had been saying that I was feeling really angry with the world all the time but didn't know why. So that's been preying on my mind a bit since she said that and I am trying to figure out why I am angry with myself but haven't come to any conclusion other than I'm angry with myself for not being the person I would like to be - ie confident, happy, loved, secure, respected, liked and content with what life has given me.

Sometimes I wonder whether I just want to spend my life being a victim. And I wonder why on earth I would want to always be a victim.

Sometimes I have enough strength and energy to fight those feelings but at the moment I just haven't, and from experience I know that I just have to wait until the day comes when I will wake up in the morning and feel glad to be alive and want to do something to help myself, instead of waking up feeling gloomy and sad that I have another 16 hours to get through before I can blank everything out by going back to sleep.

Hi -

From what I have read of your story WVW, I think that this "job situation" is weighing heavily on you. It hangs over you along with the black dog of depression that you may admittedly be prone to; whilstever it is not dealt with, I think you may find it difficult to shrug off the depression that it causes in it's own right - never mind your other problems that you have to deal with.

Is there ANY way you can make progress with it - take some kind of control over what happens - face up to a worst case scenario (which may or may not be the job ending by some means...)? Will your CPN or Crisis Team help you with taking steps in that direction at all? Or are they focussed on "getting you through the days" so to speak.

I know that I don't have any right to say - but you have lots that might be considered enviable; the mountains, that lovely dog, your creative and literary skills (unless Rigg can actually write on his blog!); you have a property to call your own and a spirit that won't (repeat after me) be crushed by the circumstances you have found yourself in.

To repeat others (and no, I admit that I am no expert), drink is never the solution; there are no answers at the bottom of a bottle or glass. You may erase miserable feelings temporarily but for sure you will feel worse mentally AND physically the next day or later the same day.

You are on medication I see, so of course, my simplistic notions may have little relevance but if you could possibly at all try try try to count your blessings, find one thing that will improve your frame of mind for even the shortest time (that one thing should of course be something other than a cigarette or drink) and be aware that you are being so unkind to yourself on a nutritional level that your mood is bound to be low. Even a decent meal might help give you a bit of a lift. You love nature don't you? Take a look at those mountains, give your dog a pat on the head, take a deep breath and remember that yes, you are thinking with a depressed mind, but you have a beautiful and intelligent mind and spirit that are being wasted. Don't waste yourself WVW.

LadyMorticia

Heya guys. :wave:

Please may I join?

Most of you know who I am. :P

absolutebounder

LadyMorticia wrote: »

Heya guys. :wave:

Please may I join?

Most of you know who I am. :P

Of course you can. anyone can but its nice to have people who understand the problems and also have experience of changing their life as you seem to have managed.
At the moment WVW could probably do witha bit of tlc so post as much as you like.

Lita_Ford

whitevanwoman wrote: »

One of my support workers told me last week that I am angry with myself - I had been saying that I was feeling really angry with the world all the time but didn't know why. So that's been preying on my mind a bit since she said that and I am trying to figure out why I am angry with myself but haven't come to any conclusion other than I'm angry with myself for not being the person I would like to be - ie confident, happy, loved, secure, respected, liked and content with what life has given me.

Sometimes I wonder whether I just want to spend my life being a victim. And I wonder why on earth I would want to always be a victim.

Sometimes I have enough strength and energy to fight those feelings but at the moment I just haven't, and from experience I know that I just have to wait until the day comes when I will wake up in the morning and feel glad to be alive and want to do something to help myself, instead of waking up feeling gloomy and sad that I have another 16 hours to get through before I can blank everything out by going back to sleep.

WVW when its sunny take the dog for a walk. Make the effort not for yourself but for your dog and when he is running around just think what a special life you are giving to that dog and realise you are a special person.

GotToChange

Oh good - you did post it. There is absolutely NO HARM in that.
You know what - credit to you; you are facing the issues that you have to deal with. You may feel as though you're burying your head in the sand but you truly aren't (I would say that I, with my "Oh, at least it's sunny today, out comes the yoga mat" approach, could be more guilty of the ostrich approach) - I think the difficulty is that, as I said (and I am quoting from someone else), you are thinking with a depressed mind.

That is not to say that your difficulties aren't very valid and real; they surely are. And I can't say that I would deal any better than you (I certainly do like my home comforts) - I wonder at the value of the "support" you are receiving - bit of a double-edged sword isn't it. I am nowhere near anything like a professional so my ideas are not founded in anything other than a wish to see a fellow soul feel better.

I don't know where you would start - although maintain that it is the little things that could help you the best - for starters that lovely dog you've got. And whilstever you deprive yourself of essential nutrients (and cancel out the few you may have with those pesky fags) you will not have the physical energy to face even the smallest or most pleasant of tasks.

Please, if you are still in your pj's now - go and have a shower, bath, strip wash - cleanse your face and put on some make-up (if you wear it), wash your hair if it needs it and do it in your favourite style. Put on your clothes for a dog walk (it's beautiful weather here, can't imagine it's not good near you) and give Rigg - and yourself - some fresh air. If you've eaten nothing, hopefully you have some little thing in that you can eat to give you some strength.

I know this doesn't help the bigger picture. I am giving that some thought - but for now, just this one moment on this one day, consider yourself well and truly nagged (I'm very good at it I'm told) and be kind to yourself.

And no, I'm not someone you know - although you are someone I would be happy to know. Go and get on as instructed. Please.

x

I am out for a little while but will be back later with (fwiw) my thoughts about the bigger picture. I also hope you manage to keep the Doc's appt. - unless you truly think it will be of no value to you. Personally, I wonder if maybe you could express to him some of the worries you have with the "support" (unless you fear that will cause it to be withdrawn).

Do. not. rehome. your. dog. x

absolutebounder

whitevanwoman wrote: »

Thank you. I am going to go and have a shower.

I really appreciate your support.

And when showered follow Lita advice and get loads of fresh air into your lungs

Space_donkey

AB whats the difference between CBT and NLP? It is aquestion on the other thread.

absolutebounder

Space_donkey wrote: »

AB whats the difference between CBT and NLP? It is aquestion on the other thread.

Its a good question.
Cognitive therapy works with a patient by using an analytical process to investigate and change misinformed perceptions, thoughts and attitudes. Its aim is for the patient to have a realistic view of their self and the world around them.The patient must be fully vested in the process in order for it to work. Allegedly it works for many psychiatric disorders that distort perceptions of the world. While it may improve a person's outlook with regard to the future, this is not its goal for it essentially deals with the present and how a patient deals with thoughts in that present moment.

NLP, It works at the unconcious level and uses neurological processes (the senses) along with the use of language, ideas and actions to produce results with a goal of personal excellence. The resulting changes that one can make are holistic, effect not only present but focus on the future and is a very dynamic technique. It tries to challenge unconcious thought and produce a new pattern of thoughts in the patient

Comparatively, cognitive therapy is rigid with concepts of right and wrong thinking and analysis where as NLP is “customizable” to each individual, sees positive and negative results and feedback. In cognitive therapy, you are in charge of your thoughts where as in NLP you are in charge of your world. Cognitive therapy is more of a science with a cook book approach to the process where, by contrast, NLP is more or an art and science hybrid that give one the techniques and knowledge of the ingredients then lets one loose in the kitchen.

As far as distorted self images go, while some may be extreme, I think we all live with a certain amount of distorted self image. If we didn’t, we’d all be very well adjusted human beings with healthy self esteem, brilliant motivation and contented lives. Perception is reality and we are in control of our perception. A multimillionaire may feel that he is impoverished while a penniless yogi in a cave may feel that he is the wealthiest man alive. It’s their perception that creates their realities not the perception of those outside of themselves.