The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

When people ask me what I do (ie for work) and I tell them that I stay at home they always give me a blank look like they don't know what to say next. Whereas, a few years ago the vast majority of women stayed at home it just isn't the norm any more. Sometimes I tell them why I don't work and sometimes I don't - depends who they are. The ones that I tell about my depression are then happy that there is an explanation for it.

Can you imagine people's reaction if I didn't have depression and still didn't go out to work?

Reworded answer for you
"I dont work I look after the home for my husband while he works to keep me in the manner i deserve."
then you can add "By the way do you have to work to support your husband"

beachbeth

absolutebounder wrote: »

Reworded answer for you
"I dont work I look after the home for my husband while he works to keep me in the manner i deserve."
then you can add "By the way do you have to work to support your husband"

I like that!:T

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

I like that!:T

Its called reframing and you can use it to change the view of a situation. If you want to see it done really well read the headlines of the same situation in different newspapers and see how the daily mail reports something compared to the mirror.

whitevanwoman

V clever, AB!

absolutebounder

Following on from judgemental people. How do you deal at present with a person you see as judgemental.?
What do you do? Avoid them? Crack up and go to pieces? have an argument with them? How do you cope?
Would you like to learn how to deal with them?

Sssssss

absolutebounder wrote: »

Following on from judgemental people. How do you deal at present with a person you see as judgemental.?
What do you do? Avoid them? Crack up and go to pieces? have an argument with them? How do you cope?
Would you like to learn how to deal with them?

there is one woman at my work who is always moaning, judging and putting people down. I generally tend to avoid her as I see it as her problem the sad old cow. But yeah would love to know if there is a better way of dealing with her.

beachbeth

Most judgemental people I just avoid and if I can't do this I just reply to them in a way that shows that I don't really care about their opinion and don't agree with them.

My mum, however, is different. I find it hard to deal with her because I love her and know she is just trying to help. She is very biased about what she thinks I should or should not do though as it is based on what is best for her usually.:o

I usually make an excuse as to why I can't do what she wants or I pretend to agree just to keep the peace, as I can't be bothered to argue (she is always right so you won't change her mind and its a waste of energy trying).

absolutebounder

Sssssss wrote: »

there is one woman at my work who is always moaning, judging and putting people down. I generally tend to avoid her as I see it as her problem the sad old cow. But yeah would love to know if there is a better way of dealing with her.

Well you are not too far off. It usually is their problem and they are often covering up for their own deficiencies. Ie make you worry about yours so they dont have to confront theirs. the secret i use is to attack the presuppositions in their judgement. any sentence tends to presuppose something that isnt actually said eg Im at the front of the room presupposes that one could be sat at the back of the room. but then being sat at the front of the room depends on which angle you look at the room from. If you can work out what the judgemental person is presupposing you can alter things around. In BBs case about the why doesnt she work. There is a presupposition that she could work and therefore because she doesnt she is deficient or lower in status compared to someone who does work but if you look at my reworded answer it gives the option to completely turn the tables back on the questioner.. If you hesitate after someone asks a question you give yourself time to work a suitable answer out. If the person asks why you hesitate just answer that you are considdering their question fully out of respect so that you completely understand what they are asking. This puts them off their guard and you can then turn the tables on them.

jess8905

Hi, I've just come across this thread and read it page to page, you all have very interesting and helpful things to share, especially absolutebounder, the tips you give about how to deal with certain situations are excellent and I feel more confident about being in such situations in the future.

alison99_2

absolutebounder wrote: »

Following on from judgemental people. How do you deal at present with a person you see as judgemental.?
What do you do? Avoid them? Crack up and go to pieces? have an argument with them? How do you cope?
Would you like to learn how to deal with them?

I tend to judge myself way more than anyone else does, I think I do it so nobody else can hate me more than I hate myself, crazy logic I know, but it does stop me isolating myself from everyone around me. How do I deal with that?