The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

Miroslav

It's funny you should use the Mike Tyson comparison, as i'm very tall and an ex bodybuilder, although I think I have a kinder face than Iron Mike I'm also shaven headed and walk around with a growl

I may look scary (!) but i'm actually very gentle.

I know it's the other people that have the problem, and most people don't bother me. It's just when it affects things such as jobs and relationships. It seems jobwise I always get told that retail/care work isn't my thing and I should be looking for Builder or general 'mens' work and relationship wise - it just doesn't happen. I just attract promiscuous and shallow girls that think i'm up for one thing

I dread to think what people would think if I had tattoos and a motorbike!

Sssssss

now Sssssss the depressive used to worry a lot about people judging him, I would try and behave as I felt they wanted me to, just to be liked. In the end they just saw me as weak and I ended up taking a lot of crap.

now the new Sssssss, who is in a good place, just says don't give a damn how other people judge me or think of me. These other people mean very little in my life and those who are close and dear to me, know me too well to judge me, they accept me for all my faults but also see the good in me.

beachbeth

Miroslav wrote: »

People have always said I can't be depressed - I'm young and male (okay, maybe not young anymore at nearly 33) and I seem okay. In fact, I apparently look like the kind of guy that can handle himself and is okay no matter what.

So basically, being young male and not geeky means I have no feelings. I've even had people say to me after bereavements/trauma - 'you'll be okay, you're a young man' and a few months later - 'that was months ago, you should be over it by now. You're a young man with his whole life ahead of him'

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Thats awful. You should never say to anyone "you should be over it by now!". What help is that? Ive also had people say to me "Cheer up" or "What have you got to be depressed about?" - some people have just got no idea.

shazrobo

i feel judged as a parent, everytime my sons are in trouble, you can hear people saying typical single parent family from council estate.
i also get judged for my height, because i am over 6 foot tall and female, people stare, they expect men to be so tall, but appently not females

focus888

absolutebounder wrote: »

Hi all and welcome to the newcomers. I knew judgemental would be a hot topic as it comes up a lot with depressed people but this thread is not supposed to be judgemental. observational maybe but we dont judge , just try and help with ideas.
heres a thought (not one of my own I might add) how you see others depends where you get your values from. If you get your values from others you yourself will be constantly making comparisons and so will see others as comparing or judging you. If however you go inside and get youer values internally from yourself then other peoples values are irrelevant to you which means though people can still judge you, you no longer hold any value to their opinion which means they shouldnt stress you out so much. you know yourselves whether you are good people or not you dont need others to make the judgement.
the other thing is that judgement is always a comparison. The question is a comparison to what?

I think i understand what you are saying but the experience of being treated differently is not very pleasant and you can try to be the bigger person and look deep inside yourself but how long can you do that for before completely snapping.

ive tried a new approach recently and thats when i see people looking and judging me i stare right back at them, i dare them to judge me to my eye and somehow the fact that i am now judging them shames them away. Why treat others the way you dont want to be treated? total idoits!

Sssssss

focus888 wrote: »

I think i understand what you are saying but the experience of being treated differently is not very pleasant and you can try to be the bigger person and look deep inside yourself but how long can you do that for before completely snapping.

ive tried a new approach recently and thats when i see people looking and judging me i stare right back at them, i dare them to judge me to my eye and somehow the fact that i am now judging them shames them away. Why treat others the way you dont want to be treated? total idoits!

because once you've done it a few times and seen the great results, it gets easier, make this part of your postive habit, thereby you can avoid snapping.

excellent approach, to look someone back in the eye. I recently did this with my boss who was giving me a hard time and I told him straight you are not a very good manager, he mumbled 'don't critcise me' and I swear I could see him shrinking into his chair because he just never had anyone talk to him like that before.

absolutebounder

Miroslav wrote: »

It's funny you should use the Mike Tyson comparison, as i'm very tall and an ex bodybuilder, although I think I have a kinder face than Iron Mike I'm also shaven headed and walk around with a growl

cant condone the growl but it wouldnt be hard to have a kinder face than Mike

I may look scary (!) but i'm actually very gentle.

i kinda guessed that:rotfl:

I know it's the other people that have the problem, and most people don't bother me. It's just when it affects things such as jobs and relationships. It seems jobwise I always get told that retail/care work isn't my thing and I should be looking for Builder or general 'mens' work and relationship wise - it just doesn't happen. I just attract promiscuous and shallow girls that think i'm up for one thing

Some people would like that. sex is good for depression as it releases a lot of good endorphins:D

I dread to think what people would think if I had tattoos and a motorbike!

oi I have two tattoos and a motorbike:rotfl:
i can understand the job thing as retail relies on image (often fake) so much.

absolutebounder

focus888 wrote: »

I think i understand what you are saying but the experience of being treated differently is not very pleasant and you can try to be the bigger person and look deep inside yourself but how long can you do that for before completely snapping.

ive tried a new approach recently and thats when i see people looking and judging me i stare right back at them, i dare them to judge me to my eye and somehow the fact that i am now judging them shames them away. Why treat others the way you dont want to be treated? total idoits!

You have stumbled on a useful resource. Peoples view of you depends on your acceptance of their values or state and by passively staring without saying anything you are witholding your acceptance which tends to stuff all but the emotionally strong

Ssssss
because once you've done it a few times and seen the great results, it gets easier, make this part of your postive habit, thereby you can avoid snapping

This is also true. it works both ways and people lose self esteem because people keep putting them down and it becomes habit but as you say it can be broken by repeated success

absolutebounder

shazrobo wrote: »

i feel judged as a parent, everytime my sons are in trouble, you can hear people saying typical single parent family from council estate.
i also get judged for my height, because i am over 6 foot tall and female, people stare, they expect men to be so tall, but appently not females

Just shows how wrong one can be I have spoken to you but never seen you and I had the impression you were fairly short which is a lesson that one should never jump to conclusions on a forum or the telephone:rotfl:

Horasio

Hi

I am new to this thread, so hope I haven't got the wrong end of the stick.

Being judged to me is

Being criticised when I do my best by people who are supposed to care about you. I feel women are expected to act and be a certain way, and if they don't fit the mould, then they are put down. I'm not even talking about having the perfect body here, which is another issue.

I also feel women are never allowed to be ill and have time off from housework etc.