The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

beachbeth

absolutebounder wrote: »

BB you should know better. Booze and ADs is a terrible mix as they fight each other.

I know - slap on the wrist for me!:o

absolutebounder

Sssssss wrote: »

Hi all

Seeing my relaxation therapist today, was going to see him last month but I chickened out. I feel as though I'm coping ok but all the little problems recently are finally weighing me down, so always good to see this guy, plus our resident expert AB has gone away for a few days

every1 have a great day/weekend, Sssssss.

The relaxation sessions should be good for you. Stress is caused when brain is overloaded and a good deep relaxing session should let you focus on your thoughts and work out which are valid and which are not so,

absolutebounder

Something new to discuss this week. one of the words i associate with depression is judgemental. I often hear people complaining about others being judgemental towards them. So do you feel that people are judgemental and how can you challenge these thoughts.

beachbeth

As a woman, I feel I get judged by a lot of people. My mum judges how good I am as housekeeper, mother, superwoman etc. My kids judge me according to what I put on the table and if I do their washing exactly when they need it. Other friends and relatives judge how well you are doing at work as well as being a mum. I don't know if men feel as judged by other people as women do? Or maybe they do and just don't care on the whole? I say this because men don't seem to get the guilt that women do if they are unable to fulfil other people's expectations.

An example of the above which I am struggling with at the moment: I help my dad out doing a little paperwork but its causing me stress. I know he and my mum love knowing their kids are around and helping out (Im being vague because I don't want to post specific details), (even though we are all 40 and over!!!) If I tell them I just can't do it any more (it only takes an hour on a Monday morning) I will feel so guilty that I am letting them both down and letting them see just how much of a failure I am because I suffer with depression.

A lot of Monday mornings I have been in tears because I don't want the stress of doing it and yet Im upset about not doing it any more and letting them down. Im relieved after I have finished and I don't have to think about it for another week but I am now seriously considering telling them that I just can't do it any more. This is how other people's judgements affect me. I find it hard to say no.

focus888

absolutebounder wrote: »

Something new to discuss this week. one of the words i associate with depression is judgemental. I often hear people complaining about others being judgemental towards them. So do you feel that people are judgemental and how can you challenge these thoughts.

I am always judged on because of my weight, it doesnt seem fair, everyone has a vice whether it be smoking or drinking, mine happens to be food why is it because its food related i have to put up with stupid looks and idiotic comments? i dont go around laughing at people drinking in the pub or smoking do i? :mad:

beachbeth

I can relate to you, focus888. Im only five foot tall and have had to put up with comments about my height all my life. I didn't decide to be this height and can't change it by diet or exercise or by doing anything else, so why is it funny? In my very first job interview the boss asked if I had my own car. When I said that, yes I did, he laughed and asked how I managed to reach the pedals. I laughed along too and got the job but inside I was quite angry.

Ive lost count of how many people have asked how tall I am and have also been patted on the head! Don't people realise you have heard it all before and it isn't news to you???

Sazbo

Beth - I'm the same height as you - just wondered, do you get people holding doors open for you and then for some reason insist you walk underneath their arm? What's that all about?! I'm 43 years of age! :rotfl:

Sxx

beachbeth

Sazbo wrote: »

Beth - I'm the same height as you - just wondered, do you get people holding doors open for you and then for some reason insist you walk underneath their arm? What's that all about?! I'm 43 years of age! :rotfl:

Sxx

Me too! And Im 44!

Miroslav

People have always said I can't be depressed - I'm young and male (okay, maybe not young anymore at nearly 33) and I seem okay. In fact, I apparently look like the kind of guy that can handle himself and is okay no matter what.

So basically, being young male and not geeky means I have no feelings. I've even had people say to me after bereavements/trauma - 'you'll be okay, you're a young man' and a few months later - 'that was months ago, you should be over it by now. You're a young man with his whole life ahead of him'

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

absolutebounder

Hi all and welcome to the newcomers. I knew judgemental would be a hot topic as it comes up a lot with depressed people but this thread is not supposed to be judgemental. observational maybe but we dont judge , just try and help with ideas.
heres a thought (not one of my own I might add) how you see others depends where you get your values from. If you get your values from others you yourself will be constantly making comparisons and so will see others as comparing or judging you. If however you go inside and get youer values internally from yourself then other peoples values are irrelevant to you which means though people can still judge you, you no longer hold any value to their opinion which means they shouldnt stress you out so much. you know yourselves whether you are good people or not you dont need others to make the judgement.
the other thing is that judgement is always a comparison. The question is a comparison to what?
Miroslav says people look at him and think hes a hard guy but would they still think that if he stood next to mike tyson? all that is happening is they are comparing his physical features to a stereotype and not the true person he is which means it is they who have the problem not him.