The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

absolutebounder

whitevanwoman wrote: »

AB

Are you asking us to think about whether we are actually being judged or whether we THINK we are being constantly judged (and found to be lacking)?

I have recently begun to realise that these are 2 very different things. My automatic assumption is to assume I'm being judged and will be found to be lacking in some way, I guess because I have such a low opinion of myself, and yet people do say positive things - like how good I am at things etc, and yet I find myself unable to believe their comments and think that they are just saying something nice to keep me happy.

And being in such a negative frame of mind, means that I see a negative comment as being aimed at me, when in fact it isn't, or it isn't even intended to be negative, or the person doesn't even realise what they have said or even sometimes that that persons opinion is not worth listening to. It is as if all my instincts / senses etc are honed in to negativity, and half the time I don't even realise I'm doing it. The result is a super sensitivity to criticism and the downward spiral into depression.

I know that being aware of all this is the first step but it really is hard to accept that your perception of what is "normal" for you, is in fact, not normal at all.

Good post. I see the word judgemental on a lot of depression forums. Personaly I think (but could well be wrong) that depression makes people oversensitive. I often make observations which are confused as judgements but in reality I find it difficult to be judgemental without really knowing the person. We probably all make pictures in our minds of how we think people are but as my vision of shaz proves we get it wrong. this is why I prefer to meet people in person because so much gets misunderstood here.

absolutebounder

CCStar wrote: »

Hi

I am new to this thread, so hope I haven't got the wrong end of the stick.

.

Hi CCstar. Yes you have got the right end of the stick. This thread does more in the way of discussion and swapping ideas but you wont get quite so many huggs. Though that doesnt mean we are not all nice and trying to help each other.

beachbeth

Just to change the subject for a minute. Im a bit nervous because its my IB tribunal next week and tonight the person from Welfare Rights is coming to see us. He is the person representing us next week. He is coming in the evening rather than the day so that my husband will be here. On the one hand Im worried that he will see me at home not looking too bad and not believe I suffer badly but on the other hand I don't want to sit in a heap crying my eyes out either. Im not sure how Im going to be when he gets here but Im already nervous.

The other thing is that both my husband and myself have spoken to him on the phone and he is difficult to talk to. He's the sort of person who speaks slowly but very firmly and doesn't let you get a word in edgeways, even if you try to interrupt. When you do manage to say something he then carries on where he left off and doesn't seem to have listened to what you just said. I find this sort of person difficult and Im also worried my OH will get annoyed with him!

beachbeth

absolutebounder wrote: »

This is interesting. I have always said (and been shot to bits for saying it) that depression is a defence mechanism and that if you werent depressed you would be doing something your brain liked even less.
Do you not think that by having depression your unconcious mind is making damn sure your ambition is acheived. without depresssion you would be under pressure to work and do other things.

Yes, you are exactly right. If I didn't have depression I would be under pressure to work full time now my kids are grown up and, even though the money would be nice, I wouldn't like it.

When people ask me what I do (ie for work) and I tell them that I stay at home they always give me a blank look like they don't know what to say next. Whereas, a few years ago the vast majority of women stayed at home it just isn't the norm any more. Sometimes I tell them why I don't work and sometimes I don't - depends who they are. The ones that I tell about my depression are then happy that there is an explanation for it.

Can you imagine people's reaction if I didn't have depression and still didn't go out to work?

Amber_Sunshine

I'm not very tall, weigh 7st, and have never been near a gym in my life, but if anyone ever hassled me they would regret it. Wouldn't think it to look at me, but I have a surprising amount of strength and if I ever got really !!!!ed off I think even I would be astonished at the results.

Miroslav wrote: »

It's funny you should use the Mike Tyson comparison, as i'm very tall and an ex bodybuilder, although I think I have a kinder face than Iron Mike I'm also shaven headed and walk around with a growl

I may look scary (!) but i'm actually very gentle.

I know it's the other people that have the problem, and most people don't bother me. It's just when it affects things such as jobs and relationships. It seems jobwise I always get told that retail/care work isn't my thing and I should be looking for Builder or general 'mens' work and relationship wise - it just doesn't happen. I just attract promiscuous and shallow girls that think i'm up for one thing

I dread to think what people would think if I had tattoos and a motorbike!

Sssssss

beachbeth wrote: »

She has made a comment on occasion that if I pay by cheque it can be a bit awkward for her (Ive no idea why). The last time I went to her I paid by cheque because I wasn't sure how much my hair was going to be and it was just more convenient for me than withdrawing £60-£70 and then finding it still wasn't enough! She said "Gosh, not many of my clients pay by cheque nowadays"

Hi BB as already said I wouldn't worry about it, she just wanted cash so could keep it off the books. But 60 - 70 quid for a hair do :eek: easy for me to say as I'm bald opps just gave you all a clue there.

Okay go on I'd love to know how you all picture me from my posts, go on I dare you judge me if you wil

alison99_2

Sssssss wrote: »

Hi BB as already said I wouldn't worry about it, she just wanted cash so could keep it off the books. But 60 - 70 quid for a hair do :eek: easy for me to say as I'm bald opps just gave you all a clue there.

Okay go on I'd love to know how you all picture me from my posts, go on I dare you judge me if you wil

Please say Ross Kemp. :j

absolutebounder

Sssssss wrote: »

Okay go on I'd love to know how you all picture me from my posts, go on I dare you judge me if you wil

Kojak possibly

Sssssss

absolutebounder wrote: »

Kojak possibly

who luvs ya baby!

Amber_Sunshine

Sssssss wrote: »

Hi BB as already said I wouldn't worry about it, she just wanted cash so could keep it off the books. But 60 - 70 quid for a hair do :eek: easy for me to say as I'm bald opps just gave you all a clue there.

Okay go on I'd love to know how you all picture me from my posts, go on I dare you judge me if you wil

Elton John