Sibling issues

Claire3121

Queen_B wrote: »

I became an Auntie for the first time myself recently and the emotions that you feel are something I certainly never thought I would ever feel. Even though me and my sister have been close on and off over the years I think her having a baby has brought us closer again which I'm so pleased about and I'm really looking forward to being part of my niece's life.

The day she was born my mum arranged for everyone to go and see her except me which I was miffed about but it was only because she hadn't thought it through and thought that I wanted to go in a few days time with my OH.

Small understandings can turn into big ones, maybe you should mention to your brother that you haven't received the birth card. Maybe he thought that your parents would tell you about the birth so he didn't need to send you a card??

I hope things work out for you.

Re the birth card,everyone got one(even my parents who obviously knew all the details,still got one),except us. And our post rarely goes missing...
I told them when we saw them that we didnt recieve one and nothing more was said.

Anyway,have decided not to let this get to me anymore and I hope my brother has had a pang of guilt over my text and spoke to my parents last night.....

Claire3121

Update,no reply to my letter and found out yesterday from my nan that the christening date has been set for july,and we havent heard anything.
I know my mum is stuck in the middle and I dont want her to be. Each time I speak to her on the phone,she always asks if he has called. I'm hoping she will say something to him nearer the time,if we still havent had an invite. TBH I'm not even sure if I would go now,even if we were as the atmosphere may be too much and it wouldn't be fair on the other family members. Really dont know where I go from here....:(

seven-day-weekend

Some people don't reply to texts, e-mails or letters unless they feel they have something new to say. Not because there is any sort of problem in their eyes.

Your brother knows you know about the baby and you have wished him well.

Maybe to him that is the end of the conversation!

I'm not a bit like this, but many people are, especially men!.

Claire3121

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Some people don't reply to texts, e-mails or letters unless they feel they have something new to say. Not because there is any sort of problem in their eyes.

Your brother knows you know about the baby and you have wished him well.

Maybe to him that is the end of the conversation!

I'm not a bit like this, but many people are, especially men!.

including not being invited to their daughter's christening(even tho I was asked to be godmother at christmas?)???

seven-day-weekend

Claire3121 wrote: »

including not being invited to their daughter's christening(even tho I was asked to be godmother at christmas?)???

Sorry, just realised I'd missed page two of the thread.

I think really all you can do is be a good auntie to your neice as much as you are able from such a distance and text your brother every so often just to keep up the contact. If he doesn't chose to reply there is nothing you can do about that.

But don't cut him or your neice out of your lives -even if he choses to do that you can still send your neice letters and presents.

Nicki

I'm not sure I know what you put in your letter, as the last thing you posted was a distinctly shirty text which you sent to your brother, concerning his behaviour to your parents, to which he took offence. Unless you've apologised for that, and sent a very nice letter to them wishing them well, I'm not particularly surprised that you haven't been invited to the christening and are no longer in mind to be godparent, I'm afraid.

You interfere with people's personal relationships at your own peril, and it very much looks like that your brother has fallen out with you, perhaps permanently. The same thing happened between my brother and sister who were very close all their lives. My sister told my brother what she thought of his admittedly very bad behaviour on one occasion to my mum, and they haven't spoken for about 4 years now, to the extent that my brother will avoid any family gathering when she will be there. His son is old enough to make his own decision so she does at least still get to see her nephew, but that isn't the case for your brother's child. I very much fear you will need to eat a lot of humble pie if you want to restore this relationship

Claire3121

Nicki wrote: »

I'm not sure I know what you put in your letter, as the last thing you posted was a distinctly shirty text which you sent to your brother, concerning his behaviour to your parents, to which he took offence. Unless you've apologised for that, and sent a very nice letter to them wishing them well, I'm not particularly surprised that you haven't been invited to the christening and are no longer in mind to be godparent, I'm afraid.

You interfere with people's personal relationships at your own peril, and it very much looks like that your brother has fallen out with you, perhaps permanently. The same thing happened between my brother and sister who were very close all their lives. My sister told my brother what she thought of his admittedly very bad behaviour on one occasion to my mum, and they haven't spoken for about 4 years now, to the extent that my brother will avoid any family gathering when she will be there. His son is old enough to make his own decision so she does at least still get to see her nephew, but that isn't the case for your brother's child. I very much fear you will need to eat a lot of humble pie if you want to restore this relationship

He took offence because the truth hurt. I know if the situation was reversed,he would have done the same thing. These past few weeks have made us realise,that even tho he is family,there are some family you DONT need. Yes I will send cards to my neice but that will be it.

Timmne

Apologies in advance for the lack of real comments but I just wanted to say 2 things: 1) give your brother a ring (just try it in case the signal works!) and have a heart to heart. Be the bigger man (woman) and apologise for the text and for interfering- don't let your pride or stubbornness get in the way. Secondly, IMO texting is probably the least thoughtful method of contact and if someone sent me a terse message by text it would not be received well in the slightest. Text tells me that the person doesn't have the balls to say things to me directly which is something I despise. If one can't say something directly, in person, one should say nothing at all.

Hope all returns to normality for you soon; you never know what is around the corner and life is far too short for this type of thing. Do it for your parents at least- they don't need this from grown up kids!

Timmne

...and yes, I can see the irony in my post!

Claire3121

Timmne wrote: »

Apologies in advance for the lack of real comments but I just wanted to say 2 things: 1) give your brother a ring (just try it in case the signal works!) and have a heart to heart. Be the bigger man (woman) and apologise for the text and for interfering- don't let your pride or stubbornness get in the way. Secondly, IMO texting is probably the least thoughtful method of contact and if someone sent me a terse message by text it would not be received well in the slightest. Text tells me that the person doesn't have the balls to say things to me directly which is something I despise. If one can't say something directly, in person, one should say nothing at all.

Hope all returns to normality for you soon; you never know what is around the corner and life is far too short for this type of thing. Do it for your parents at least- they don't need this from grown up kids!

In an ideal world,then yes but sometimes things are easier said than done. I guess things would be easier if you knew my brother....