Sibling issues

Claire3121

I live in London with my family and brother lives in Cornwall with his wife and newborn daughter. The baby was born a month ago now(got the phonecall from my mum who live 40 mins away) to say the baby was born and that my brother will ring me over the weekend. I immediately texted him to offer our congrats etc. Have texted him 3 times since and no replies to my texts. They dont have a landline for some reason. But im getting a little peed off that theres been no reply. I appreciate how busy and tired they must be etc,but I know it upsets my parents too that they hardly hear from them unless they want to borrow money. Not sure what to do. It seems like out of sight,out of mind for them....:(

Pee

Some people are good at keeping in touch and some are not. To be honest, I don't feel the need to have much contact with a number of friends for a prolonged period of time and trying to fit in duty calls to parents etc leave me feeling wound up. I think they have enough to do with the new baby. It's a shame they didn't text back. It doesn't mean that they don't care. Is there a reason why they moved to Cornwall. It's a long way from everywhere and sometimes it's a very good place to run away to, as noone is going to follow you. Could you send a small present or a card? How is your relationship with your brother usually?

Claire3121

Pee wrote: »

Some people are good at keeping in touch and some are not. To be honest, I don't feel the need to have much contact with a number of friends for a prolonged period of time and trying to fit in duty calls to parents etc leave me feeling wound up. I think they have enough to do with the new baby. It's a shame they didn't text back. It doesn't mean that they don't care. Is there a reason why they moved to Cornwall. It's a long way from everywhere and sometimes it's a very good place to run away to, as noone is going to follow you. Could you send a small present or a card? How is your relationship with your brother usually?

I sent a card and will be giving a pressie when I see them. My mum speaks to them every couple of weeks or so. I do feel for her tho as my brother,his wife and baby live next door to her mum and dad. And I also feel my mum feels a little out of it all.
My mum spoke to them and they mentioned they may be down next weekend to visit. I used this as a reason to text bro again to say how "mum mentioned you may be down,be lovely to see you" etc. still no reply...
Things have been a bit strange since they moved 8 yrs ago I think....

B2B-2008

My brother lives an hour away and I don't see him that much anymore. He used to live down the road and I used to see him every week.

When he moved I got upset that he didn't call me so mum had a word and now he calls me every week but I'm really bad and never phone him! He is my older bro though. Since the move I also don't speak to my older niece as much and she used to always be round my flat.

My DH's sister lives in Australia and just had a baby last week and she is yet to send us a photo even though she has put one on facebook, we do not have accounts. We are quite upset about this but not as much as my father-in-law as he also had no contact from his daughter!

So I understand where you are coming from with this.

Violetta_2

Aww Claire I really feel for you. My dad rang me the morning after to tell me my brothers baby had arrived unfortunately I'd already seen the details on my brothers Bebo page and was able to tell my dad what he'd named her I didn't hear from him in a few weeks I've seen the baby once she is now 9 months old and my brother only lives 40 mins away.
I was heartbroken at first and found it really hard, I tried to meet up with them a few times and my brother always had excuses. It does get easier I speak to him occassionally on the phone and always ask after my niece and I pass presents on through my dad. I think it made me realised I have my own lovely wee family my dd is the centre of my world and if my brother and his family don't want to be part of it then that is their loss.

Krystaltips

Claire, have you tried actually ringing your brother rather than just texting? I always think a text is more of a half thought than a gesture... Phonecalls mean so much more...

Claire3121

Krystaltips wrote: »

Claire, have you tried actually ringing your brother rather than just texting? I always think a text is more of a half thought than a gesture... Phonecalls mean so much more...

I would but havent for 3 reasons.
1-he only has a mobile which has a lousy signal there.
2-he can be quite moody and will give yes or no answers if he cant be bothered,which is why its best to wait til he rings me(at least he's able to talk properly if he's ready and on his terms etc). Hope that makes sense.
3- If he's too busy to even reply to a text then he wont have time to talk on the phone.

Claire3121

Violetta wrote: »

Aww Claire I really feel for you. My dad rang me the morning after to tell me my brothers baby had arrived unfortunately I'd already seen the details on my brothers Bebo page and was able to tell my dad what he'd named her I didn't hear from him in a few weeks I've seen the baby once she is now 9 months old and my brother only lives 40 mins away.
I was heartbroken at first and found it really hard, I tried to meet up with them a few times and my brother always had excuses. It does get easier I speak to him occassionally on the phone and always ask after my niece and I pass presents on through my dad. I think it made me realised I have my own lovely wee family my dd is the centre of my world and if my brother and his family don't want to be part of it then that is their loss.

I know what you mean...just makes things a bit harder when theres a new addition you want to be a part of...

oystercatcher

Are they likely to be short of money? It could be he has no credit on his phone.
I work as a midwife and quite often the couples seem to run out of credit before they can deliver the 'news' to their parents !
Personally I would have made sure I had loads of credit but then I'm not trying to live on fresh air .....

My suggestions are, write a really nice letter. Maybe go down for a visit, staying nearby so you can pop in but not be too much extra work for them.
I think if you want to be involved maybe you have to organise it yourself.
Whatever you do don't moan at them as they are probably exhausted.

Oystercatcher

Magpye

Some people are just terrible about keeping in touch. I can count on the fingers on one hand the number of times I have seen my big bro' over the past ten years - and of course he and the family have now moved to Australia, so it's going to be even less. He always was dire at keeping in touch, and he has now fallen out with my sister over money. He sometimes contacts me on Facebook, but never phones or emails, and phones my mum only about once every year - the rest of the time, she rings him. The thing is, we tend to get on great! He just doesn't think of contacting us - he's so wrapped up in his own affairs. Maybe your brother is like that, especially with a new baby to keep him distracted?

silvercar

When my and OHs siblings had babies, we visited them at the earliest opportunity. Also 200 miles away, but we made the effort because we wanted to see the babies. A text is not really enough. You can't sit at home and moan that you want to be part of their lives. No-one with a new born can be expected to make a journey like that, so you have to be the one that moves yourself.