Sibling issues

Claire3121

floss2 wrote: »

But you said yourself that they don't have a landline and no PC so no internet access...... Cornwall is the largest County in England , so maybe they DO feel that they are on the other side of the world.

My younger brother lives 50 miles away and now he has a 3 month old daughter he doesn't text or call me anything like as often as he did before. He has more important things to him in his life now, and I am very happy with that. THAT is what I meant by people moving on......




Gap do gift receipts - if you have one of those then send it to them so they can exchange for something she doesn't have or that will fit her in a few months.

Anyway, you & I both know that babies not only grow, but leak from both ends so her parents will probably be grateful for "3 wardrobes" of clothes as some point!

As I said before,we left the gift reciept with them. They certainly didn't seem very grateful for 3 wardrobes of clothes....:rolleyes:

kiddy_guy

Claire3121 wrote: »

Just been on the phone to my dad and my brother and SIL had my mum in tears over the weekend,with things they said,certain looks etc. My dad surprisingly said that he wishes they didn't come down last weekend. So they've left a bad taste in our mouths. As I said we dont see them often so would be nice to all get on when we do...
If it wasn't for my niece,I dont think i'd care if I didnt see them again tbh...their attitudes are just nasty and they have characteristics that I despise in people:mad:

Claire - it seems your thoughts are right. Accept that they're not particularly nice people and get on with your life; I know you seem to want to be nice and not shut them out, but you just can't help some people.

Sami_Bee

I'd say just forget about them and just send Christmas/birthday etc things to your niece - She'll (hopefully) appreciate it when she's older and maintain contact herself.
A similar thing happened with my uncle (Mum's brother) his wife didn't like him having contact with family etc they have now split up and my Uncle is gutted that he's missed out on spending time with me and my sister and the last 2yrs of my son's life - he actually saw my son more in the first few months after they split than the 2yrs previous since his birth.
My cousin hates her mother for causing so much bad feeling in the family and although she still lives with her (but is going to move in with her dad once his current rental contract is up) she hasn't spoken to her for months

Claire3121

Thanks for the advice everyone. Had a bit of a restless night thinking about it all.
Whether i've done the right thing or not I dont know but I sent my brother a text saying I think he should ring mum as they had her in tears over the weekend,and that I appreciate they must be tired etc,but theres really no reason for a lack of manners. Suprisingly he text me back 40 mins later and said he didnt appreciate my sh*tty text. I didn't reply back but I thought that he should know that they upset mum. I dont think they realise how nasty they can be...

Floss

Claire3121 wrote: »

Thanks for the advice everyone. Had a bit of a restless night thinking about it all.
Whether i've done the right thing or not I dont know but I sent my brother a text saying I think he should ring mum as they had her in tears over the weekend,and that I appreciate they must be tired etc,but theres really no reason for a lack of manners. Suprisingly he text me back 40 mins later and said he didnt appreciate my sh*tty text. I didn't reply back but I thought that he should know that they upset mum. I dont think they realise how nasty they can be...

Sorry to hear how upset your parents were.....sounds like he's made the decision easier for you by that last text.

As others have said, try & keep up some contact with your neice, even if they make it hard for you.

:grouphug:
Floss x

Claire3121

Floss wrote: »

Sorry to hear how upset your parents were.....sounds like he's made the decision easier for you by that last text.

As others have said, try & keep up some contact with your neice, even if they make it hard for you.

:grouphug:
Floss x

Thanks. Well I discussed this with my hubby last night and I can actually pinpoint when things went sour with the snidey comments. My hubby was going to the Bahamas with a couple of friends to see another friend who was living out there. I told my brother this via email and he sent an odd email back saying something like "are you sure you can trust him"? or words to that effect. I basically said "dont judge everyone by how you might act without your wife around". This was 6 years ago(2 years after moving to Cornwall). Friends have said it could be down to jealousy.

We have come to the conclusion that when we do see them again,it will be for no more than a couple of hours. If we go down to them we will stay in a B and B.

Am supposed to be godmother to my niece but i'm not sure if they still want me to be....time will tell I guess.....

floss2

Claire3121 wrote: »

.......We have come to the conclusion that when we do see them again,it will be for no more than a couple of hours. If we go down to them we will stay in a B and B......

Good idea - then you can run when you're ready to!

Claire3121 wrote: »

.......Am supposed to be godmother to my niece but i'm not sure if they still want me to be....time will tell I guess.....

Just wait & see - it would be an "excuse" for you to keep contact though, as you would be keeping a godmotherly eye on things!

Nicki

The problems here seem to me to be exacerbated by the fact that a lot of your communication is done by text, email and letter. It's really hard to get the subtext and tone right when you are not actually speaking to someone. I can certainly imagine for example having a jokey conversation with someone I knew well, along the lines of "are you sure you can trust him off in the Bahamas alone" without meaning or causing any offence, and indeed without even meaning to imply that their OH would be unfaithful in a million years. I'd be flabbergasted, if the comeback was an accusation that I was unfaithful to my wife!

It does sound to me like your brother and his wife find you, and the rest of the family hard work, and when you are tired with a new baby you are disinclined to make extra effort. It's also a time when people who genuinely have nice manners would cut the new parents a bit of slack. You do seem to be very demanding, and life is all about you. You are only concerned about how you feel about lack of texts, birth announcements, etc and there hasn't been anything at all, unless I've missed it, about how your brother and s-i-l are coping with a new baby and very little money.

Good manners cut both ways and I don't feel that you have behaved any more considerately to your brother than he has to you. If you want to fall out with him and have a lifelong family rift, that is of course your prerogative, but this seems a trivial issue to fall out over. Why not give him some space and forgiveness for what you see to be his bad manners, keep in contact in a low key non-demanding way, and if things haven't improved in 6 months time, then re-evaluate the situation. I would though apologise for the snidey text which you sent him following his visit to your parents. His interaction with your mum and dad has absolutely nothing to do with you, there may well have been fault on both sides, and if your parents are upset with him then its for them to take it up not you. They may well have wished to cut him the slack, I am telling you that good mannered people do when someone has a new child, and not appreciate you sticking your nose into this, any more than your brother did.

Claire3121

Nicki wrote: »

The problems here seem to me to be exacerbated by the fact that a lot of your communication is done by text, email and letter. It's really hard to get the subtext and tone right when you are not actually speaking to someone. I can certainly imagine for example having a jokey conversation with someone I knew well, along the lines of "are you sure you can trust him off in the Bahamas alone" without meaning or causing any offence, and indeed without even meaning to imply that their OH would be unfaithful in a million years. I'd be flabbergasted, if the comeback was an accusation that I was unfaithful to my wife!

It does sound to me like your brother and his wife find you, and the rest of the family hard work, and when you are tired with a new baby you are disinclined to make extra effort. It's also a time when people who genuinely have nice manners would cut the new parents a bit of slack. You do seem to be very demanding, and life is all about you. You are only concerned about how you feel about lack of texts, birth announcements, etc and there hasn't been anything at all, unless I've missed it, about how your brother and s-i-l are coping with a new baby and very little money.

Good manners cut both ways and I don't feel that you have behaved any more considerately to your brother than he has to you. If you want to fall out with him and have a lifelong family rift, that is of course your prerogative, but this seems a trivial issue to fall out over. Why not give him some space and forgiveness for what you see to be his bad manners, keep in contact in a low key non-demanding way, and if things haven't improved in 6 months time, then re-evaluate the situation. I would though apologise for the snidey text which you sent him following his visit to your parents. His interaction with your mum and dad has absolutely nothing to do with you, there may well have been fault on both sides, and if your parents are upset with him then its for them to take it up not you. They may well have wished to cut him the slack, I am telling you that good mannered people do when someone has a new child, and not appreciate you sticking your nose into this, any more than your brother did.

Ok I appreciate what you're saying and you may have a point. I feel that my parents wont say anything about the weekend and how she was upset at some of the things they said(its not in their nature to). I kind of feel that if I dont say anything,they'll never know and any further get togethers are going to be fraught. They need to know how much they can hurt people. If incidents like this was a one off over the weekend,i'd would be more sympathetic but its been going on for 6 years now.
I know other people find them very hard work(my grandpaprents for example),so its not just us.

As you may already know from my previous posts,they have no landline,no email and a rubbish mobile phone signal,so texting is the only option.

Queen_B_3

I became an Auntie for the first time myself recently and the emotions that you feel are something I certainly never thought I would ever feel. Even though me and my sister have been close on and off over the years I think her having a baby has brought us closer again which I'm so pleased about and I'm really looking forward to being part of my niece's life.

The day she was born my mum arranged for everyone to go and see her except me which I was miffed about but it was only because she hadn't thought it through and thought that I wanted to go in a few days time with my OH.

Small understandings can turn into big ones, maybe you should mention to your brother that you haven't received the birth card. Maybe he thought that your parents would tell you about the birth so he didn't need to send you a card??

I hope things work out for you.